#throwing that link in the main text

[narendur]

Oh, my dad works trying to regulate these assholes in BC! The Ktunaxa are right about unfiltered wastewater btw. It's super cool that they're explicitly part of the conversation now tho, which has been becoming a thing for the last 15 years or so.

My dad grimly joked to me the other day that as long as his bosses are committed to the concept of environmentally sustainable coal mining he's going to regularly be face to face with ecological horror but at least he'll have job security the rest of his life

Also since people may not be aware, one of the bigger uses of coal (and other mined stuff) that we aren't fully engineered out of right now is steel production. Per govt Canada, it's more than half of what coal mined here is used for. There's been some really cool research into making steel with hydrogen or garbage tires instead (look! Dofasco is getting in on it!!!) and increased focus on recycling over production (I just saw an ad for annual grants for 'community oriented circular economy waste reduction projects'), so I'm not entirely despairing. A combination of lowering demand and continued public and regulatory pressure (which also requires public agitating to get relevant laws improved!) could suffocate the coal industry - the faster, the better.

I do wanna say that we should close the maintenance loophole soon tho, as rare earth mining continues to ramp up globally. If we're going to have any new mines, they shouldnt be added to a flawed regulatory system.

Urls below if you couldnt click the links

https://leard.frontlineaction.org/coking-coal-steel-production-alternatives/

https://natural-resources.canada.ca/our-natural-resources/minerals-mining/mining-data-statistics-and-analysis/minerals-metals-facts/coal-facts/20071

https://www.newyorker.com/news/annals-of-a-warming-planet/the-promise-of-carbon-neutral-steel

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veena_Sahajwalla

https://www.thespec.com/news/hamilton-region/take-a-deep-breath-the-end-of-a-century-of-coal-fired-steel-pollution-in/article_3b3251f7-169f-5351-91a6-90f0ad4c38f1.html

https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/environment/air-land-water/water/laws-rules

Imagine you own a coal mine in British Columbia. (Yes, governments in Canada are still approving new coal mines.)

Over the last three decades, you’ve made a bucket-load of money stripping the top off a mountain, and now you’re sitting on a pile of environmental liabilities that threaten to eat into your profits.

You have two choices. You could spend millions of dollars on a process known as reclamation, stabilizing hazardous waste and restoring the site to some semblance of its former ecological value, which is what you committed to when you opened the mine. 

Or, you could declare the mine to be in “care and maintenance,” a status that is accepted as standard by most jurisdictions, despite the fact that it lacks a formal legal definition.

The status has very little to do with actual care or maintenance. It might more accurately be described as “abandonment and neglect,” but that wouldn’t sound nearly as elegant. [...]

Continue Reading.

Tagging: @politicsofcanada, @vague-humanoid

[disteal]

So I haven’t talked about this on main before, but the situation in South Gaza has gotten so horrifying that I’m p much throwing caution to the wind to desperately plead for eyes on this. I’m raising awareness about stories from activists in Gaza right now, including one of our own.

My lovely, wonderful friend Swin (aka tumblr user @combaticon) was deployed as a volunteer medic to a Gaza hospital on the 9th.

When the bloodshed started, she heard they needed extra hands in Gaza, she spoke Arabic and had the training, and she went.

I’ve been in contact with her throughout. She’s so incredibly brave it takes my breath away. My heart bleeds for these children she’s taking care of and how resilient they are is… astonishing.

Swin and these poor people have been under siege for so long, and they’re in desperate need of critical supplies. They have to filter water through their clothes, and it’s getting dangerously cold. Foods finally been getting through, but there’s not enough blankets and jackets to go around and there’s no fuel for the generators.

Their comrades in the West Bank have been completely pushed out by settler thugs. It’s incredibly unsafe to even be doing humanitarian work for Palestinians. Remember this the next time a Zionist tells you they’re doing this to ‘feel safe’. The IOF is arming lynch mobs.

On a personal note, this has been the most gut-wrenching week of my life. Every day when I wake up without a text from her I feel so much fear. I fight back the grief but I don’t know how to help or what to do. It’s terrifying.

Swin has asked for nothing, absolutely nothing other than something it can show the people around it to make them feel like they’re not going to be abandoned. To make sure they’re not forgotten in some pit praying Rafah opens before Israel decides to slaughter them all.

Today was a bad day. She’s alive but beyond worrying about her privacy now; she’s asked me to share this and to beg that we not lose steam and forget about them. Please share this, and please keep being fucking annoying and loud and digging your heels in with fury because we cannot let these people die silently.

[Times of Gaza] [QUD network] [Eye on Palestine]

[link to GCC registration website as the link in this picture is broken]

Please keep in mind that the Global Conscience Convoy is NOT soliciting donations, and registration is to sign up for attendance to the actual event in Cairo. There’s a list of other actions you can do to boost awareness for their protest at Rafah on the website.

[notjustjavierpena]

The Making of Ellie - Part I: Baby-Making

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: This DILF!Joel piece has rotted my brain for 24 hours straight. I have had absolutely no break from thinking about this, and it’s never been easier to write something.

Summary: A look into how you and Joel’s relationship is going two years in. Joel’s POV on his never-ending love for you and his extreme baby fever.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: +18 Smut (MDNI!), Joel’s POV, domesticated Joel Miller, Sarah makes an appearance!!!, tooth-rotting love and fluff, they’re crazy about each other, talk about birth control and ovulation, pussy eating (joel is a cunning linguist), fingering, bit of praise kink, dirty talk, bit of body worship, breeding kink, daddy kink (if you squint real hard), slow and sensual piv sex, intense orgasms, creampie, God they are in love

Word count: 4k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49183051

Song inspiration(!!!): Too Lost In You by Sugababes

Baby-Making

Joel comes home from work around the same time each day now — and it’s never after dinner time. He has made it his mission to make time for Sarah and you, cut down work since you moved in, because two working adults living in the house means that he can slow things down. 

His health has improved, his mood too, his fatigue has practically gone and Sarah has had more time to just be a kid, started playing soccer again, and has even taken up coaching the little league team now that she’s 16. It’s good for him. You are good for him. For both of them. 

He loves it. He takes the afternoon post-work ritual very seriously. Always texts if he should pick something up from the grocery store. Sometimes brings you flowers too, remembering that one time you’d said that you didn’t actually mind the cheap cellophane-wrapped bouquets. 

It’s interesting to him how natural it feels for him to slip right into domestic bliss with you because he never thought that he would get there again after Sarah’s mother. On top of it, he never considered himself a gentle thing, but after you, it’s like you kiss the calluses of him away. He is nothing but gentle now, even in his roughness. 

He throws the keys onto the side table by the front door after arriving home, shrugs off his jacket, and bends down to take off his boots. The sound makes you appear in the doorway. Joel notices that you’ve changed into gray sweatpants and a tank top with a strawberry on it since arriving home, basically removed anything from you that is professional and uncomfortable. Joel loves you like this because he is the only one who gets to enjoy you like this; relaxed and beautiful, hair in a messy bun on top of your head and fuzzy socks on your always-cold feet. He smiles at your radiance, then pads across the floor to kiss you hello. 

There’s something in your eyes; a flicker of mischief as you grab his wrist to look at his watch. With a grin that nearly sets his heart into overdrive, you hold his hand up so he can look at the time too. 

“It’s five minutes past,” you tut.

“Right, but I got ya something,” he says, reluctantly turning away from you to rummage through his jacket pocket. He fishes out a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and you immediately snatch it from his hands, holding it close to your chest.

“Gremlin,” he teases and you stick out your tongue at him, “No needa hide it. ‘S too sweet for me anyway.” 

“I shall save it for later then,” you walk to the kitchen and open the top cabinet that holds the mugs. You stand on your toes to reach into the very back, shirt riding up just a little, and stash the chocolate cup for later consumption.  

“Hidden from Sa-rah, the candy thief,” you purposely pronounce her name wrong for dramatic purposes. Then you lower yourself onto the soles of your feet again, not bothering to pull your top down again. Joel watches the slight reveal of the dimples on your back.

“Right,” he chuckles. 

Dear Lord, he loves you so much that it is ridiculous. In a way that makes the future look better than it ever has because it’s no longer filled with uncertainty. He knows what’s going to happen; he’ll build a house for the three of you, he’ll marry you in the Texan spring and he’ll give you as many babies as you want. He’d do it all today if he could. 

“How was work?” You interrupt his thoughts by wrapping your soft hands around the nape of his neck, resting them there. You have rosy cheeks, feel warm against his skin, with love radiating from your fingertips. 

“Good, told Tommy to handle the next few clients. Some hotshot guy comin’ into the office tomorrow,” Joel tells you, wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you closer. He thinks that you don’t actually care about any of this, but there’s no indication of boredom on your face.

“He building a castle or something?” You ask. 

“Somethin’ like that. Guy’s filthy rich but not from his own doin’, looking at blueprints at the end of the week. Should be interesting,” he continues, “Not that you care about that.”

“I do actually like hearing about your job,” you kiss him on the lips, peck them repeatedly until he cannot help himself and lifts you up to hug you tight. His arms rest along your back and his hands on your sides, fingers sprawled out underneath where your bra had been in the morning. You must’ve taken it off too. He loves you comfortable. 

“You just love my hands,” he retorts, nose against your cheek, “Don’t deny it. I see right through ya.”

“It’s definitely not completely wrong,” you admit when he sets you down again.

You walk back to the kitchen, too tempted by the knowledge of what is in your kitchen cabinet. You only take half, proclaiming some bullshit that you have to watch out for your blood sugar since one can never know when it’s going to get you.

Joel rolls his eyes, following you, “I can give ya some sugar.”

“Joel Miller!” You pretend to look shocked. He tastes the peanut butter in your mouth, pushes you against the counter. 

“Gross,” a teenage girl’s voice says.

“Oh right, Sarah’s home,” you announce sheepishly.

Joel pulls away to look at his daughter, “Hey kiddo. How was school?”

“You don’t care about that,” she smirks, “But if you must know, it was fine. No homework.” 

“That don’t sound like Mrs. uhhh…”

“Green, it’s Ms. Green, Dad,” Sarah says dramatically as she moves across the floor to put on shoes. Her tone turns taunting, “Go ahead and make out with your girlfriend. I’m going to soccer practice.”

“Have fun, Sarah! We’ll have dinner ready,” you chime in. 

“See ya, honey.”

The door closes behind her. The house grows quiet for a moment, but then the mischief is back in your eyes, “She’s seeing a boy.”

Joel nearly gets whiplash, not sure why his pulse spikes. He trusts his daughter to make good decisions and has taught her how since she was just a baby, “Nah, she ain’t. Just said she’s going to soccer practice.”

“Joel,” you sigh loudly, “It’s Tuesday.”

“So?”

“She has practice on Thursdays.” 

“Christ,” he runs a hand over his stubble, tries to keep his composure, and ignores the urge to send her a text. 

“But you know what?” You’re back in his personal space, tugging at his arms to make him hold you close again, “Such a fun coincidence. I’m also seeing a boy.”

Joel can feel the tension seeping out of him in an instant.

“Really? ‘Cause I’m seein’ a girl. She’s real pretty,” he wishes that he could show his past self how tooth-rottingly sweet he is being with you because he’d hate it. Though if past-Joel found out who he was treating like this, he’d instantly become a goner just like present-Joel is now. 

“‘S her sweet tooth, unhinged behavior that I love the most though,” he continues. 

You whine in his arms, lean your head back and it earns you a kiss on your neck, “Don’t be like that. Not when I’m ovulating. I’ll climb you like a tree.”

Oh.

Oh.

It may seem innocent but Joel knows this is how you play dirty. It suddenly explains a lot. The sweatpants, the rosy cheeks, the way you glow, no bra, the cravings, why Joel wants you so bad.

Joel wouldn’t say that he is controlled by biology, and he hates the men trying to argue their way out of acting like cavemen. But looking at you right now in your stupid strawberry tank top, knowing that you’re horny and ready because your body wants to make him a daddy... Joel’s head swims. 

Something shifts in the air. You can see it on him, but Joel assumes that you wait for him to act on whatever is bubbling up in his chest and below his belt.

And act, he does. He distracts you with deep, long kisses until he can snatch you up from the ground and carry you upstairs. You squeak out a giggle but don’t fight back, enjoying the freedom of being alone with him.

“That’s why you’re so fucking sexy,” Joel says after placing you on your shared bed. He is already shedding himself of his shirt, undressing hurriedly to get close to your skin with his own as quickly as possible.

You crawl back on the bed, untying the strings of your sweatpants and yanking them down your legs. You match his urgency, but still decide to tease him, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Shut your mouth,” he yanks the rest of your pants off as soon as he is naked in front of you. He throws them in the pile of his own clothes, “You know exactly what I’m talking about, dirty girl.”

You’re just about to take your top off before Joel stops you with a hand curled around the hem. He knows you’re sensitive at this point in your cycle, but it’s not why he wants to keep it on, “I love how cute you are in this shirt. Keep it on like this.” 

He crawls properly onto the bed to demonstrate and tugs the shirt up over your tits so he can still see the stupid animated fruit on the front. Afterward, he tugs your panties down your legs and off your feet. He will swear to a higher power that he can even smell it on you, sweet like strawberries and honey between your legs and it makes him feel like an animal. 

He has had baby fever for a while now, even told you his plans on giving you a whole bunch of babies and you’ve merely giggled at him, especially when he told you that twins don’t run in his family, but he is sure that nature will give him a whole litter with you. 

“Want me to eat you out?” He asks to which you whimper and nod. He doesn’t give you what you want right then and there, instead climbs up to cradle your head in his hands and gives you a long, slow kiss. He sucks on your tongue, hums into your mouth, and gets you worked up and wet before he’ll treat you right. 

“Tell me,” he says when he breaks the kiss, nosing along the bunched-up fabric of his new favorite top of yours. He sucks at the skin between your breasts, places open-mouthed kisses along the swell of the left whilst cupping the right. 

“I want you to eat my pussy,” you moan softly, running a hand over his hair as he licks a nipple. You slide your fingers into it, but you don’t tug at it unless you feel like you need to hold onto it for dear life. 

“God, you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he growls before going further down your body, his spit leaving a shine where his mouth has been, “Can’t believe I own these tits.”

He goes further down, lets out a satisfied noise when he can see between your legs, “—and this pussy.” 

“Yes, it’s yours, fuck, baby,” you sound delirious already, happy and eager to be touched, on the verge of a giggle even, “Joel, need your mou—“

You gasp loudly into the quiet bedroom. Joel has covered you with his mouth, eyes almost rolling back into his skull at the taste of your ripe cunt. He is too lost in you, a complete idiot with how head over heels he is for you, and he shows it by devouring you like he is starved. 

“Baby!” You cry out, sensitive, “Fuuuck— just like that!”

He watches your thighs twitch in his peripheral, holds you down by placing a strong hand just below your belly button, and uses his thumb on said hand to pull the hood of your clit back. He sucks the little now-hard nub into his mouth, sending you into a state where he is unsure if you can even sense the sheets underneath you. If you had superpowers, he surely would’ve made you lift off the bed as if you were possessed. 

He bobs his head a little, probably looking obscene as he hums against your clit and wiggles his head too. He looks up at you through his lashes, sees the red flush on your chest, and knows that you are close. Christ, he hasn’t been this into someone before. 

“I’m gonna— you’re gonna make me—“ you say like always, announcing your departure from reality. He keeps going, feeling your stomach jump in a stuttering manner underneath his palm with how uneven your breathing has become. 

“Fuck, I’m coming!” You sob with a yank of Joel’s hair and suddenly your thighs are shaking violently without your control. Joel can feel you coming before you announce it, your cunt clenching rapidly against his lips and your clit pulsing in his mouth as he sucks your folds into his mouth. You taste so good as a gush on slick smears his lips and chin even more. He laps it up.

You push him away when he gets too much, and he turns his head to kiss your inner thigh. You finally release the giggle that you’ve been suppressing, drunk on dopamine and Joel falls in love with you a bit more. 

“You’re fucking incredible,” you say. The hand in his hair slides down so you can affectionately run your knuckles over his cheek. He responds by gently rubbing your thighs, soothing you on top of putting such strain on your heart and your breath. You hum, “I love you so much.”

Without warning, he smacks your thigh and you sit up straight. He grins, “Love ya too, sweetheart. Think you can give me one more before I fuck ya?”

“Jesus, what’s gotten into you?” You ask genuinely as you lower onto your back again. 

“Wanna fuck a baby into you,” he replies, voice an octave lower than normal. He senses your shiver without having to look at your face, “Please. Wanna get her red and puffy so it fucking sticks.” 

You let out an involuntary moan at the idea. You want this as much as him, he hopes, and he slides two fingers into your neglected pussy whilst he waits for the green light to fill you up. He crooks them upwards, fingers the spongy spot that only seems to have been discovered by him, “Lemme in. Lemme come in you.”

You’ve been off the pill for a while with the reasoning that it wasn’t doing any good for your body. Joel had stocked up on condoms since then, actually filled the top drawer of his nightstand to the brim because honey, we’re young and healthy, red-blooded Americans. But it had planted the idea in his mind that he could potentially knock you up, and suddenly the stash of condoms was being used rapidly. 

“Okay,” you say with a half-moan, “Fuck, okay.”

Joel immediately sits up on his knees, still fucking you open on his hand. You squirm underneath his touch, trying to get a hold of your breathing this time, holding eye contact with him as he drags another orgasm from you. 

It is much less hurried and a lot more intense, muscles clamping down on his digits rhythmically as you bite your lip and close your eyes with a soft gasp. He can’t decide if he finds this more sexy. 

“Did you mean it?” He asks as he trails kisses up your belly. He kneels between your legs and places an elbow on either side of your chest so he can hold both your breasts in his hands. He squeezes them together, sucks on a nipple until you sigh deeply, and then watches them bounce back into place. 

“Yes,” you say and your voice doesn’t sound unsure at all, “Fuck yes, I want your babies. Wanted them since I saw you. Want you to make me a mommy.”

“The prettiest momma out there,” he says, euphoria evident on his face. He slides his arms underneath you, rests his head on your breasts, and hugs you close to his chest, “Wanna fuck ya.”

“Please,” you say softly, spreading your legs open for him but he has other plans. He releases you from his arms to sit up again, spreading his knees a little. His hands wrap around your ankles to lift your legs up onto his shoulders, your feet behind his ears. He leans over you afterward and bends your flexible legs backward until the front of his thighs are against the back of yours. He can go deep like this, fill you up with his come how he has wanted to for months.

He takes hold of his cock, eases it inside of your spent and warm cunt inch by inch. You feel incredible around his dick without a piece of rubber separating the two of you. He can feel the head of his dick nudge at your cervix, moaning quietly as he is engulfed by your wet, pulsating heat. 

“How are you still so fucking tight?” He groans, resting his forehead against your calf as he gives you a moment to adjust to the stretch. He knows he is big, gets a thrill out of how well you take him each time as if you were made specifically for him. There had been one time where he’d called you a trooper, and you had laughed so hard with his dick inside you that it had made him come. 

“You feel so big like this,” you say as you look down between the two of you, already sounding out of breath. Joel kisses your calf repeatedly and softly, trying to soothe your overwhelmed body. 

“Goddamn. You’re so sexy,” he praises, placing both hands on the sides of your head so he is hovering above you. He finds your hazy eyes, “Look at you.” 

He gives an experimental roll of his hips that makes you whimper, both hands reaching for the backs of his knees. You hold onto him, staring up into his eyes with that siren-like look in them, and then you moan softly.

Joel starts fucking you desperately at that. He doesn’t hurry though, keeps his hips’ movements slow and sensual to have you moaning and gasping ever so slightly at the intensity. He knows he could just give in and fuck you rough and fast, but the heavy-lidded gaze that you are giving him with your mouth hanging open is too good to spoil. 

“Joel,” you cry but it’s barely audible compared to what he sometimes drags from you. He can feel your nails dig into the flexing muscles of his thighs, creating half-moon shapes in the flesh. He switches to a rocking motion, and it sends your eyes rolling into the back of your head. You moan with your bottom lip between your teeth, “Mhm—“

“I know, baby, let it out,” he can see your pulse jumping wildly underneath the sensitive skin of your neck, feeling the heat of his orgasm pool at the base of his spine. He needs to be closer to you. 

“Lift your legs down to the sides,” he tells you gently, thrusts coming to a halt and him realizing that you’ve heard absolutely nothing. He repeats himself, waits for you to follow his instructions, and then hooks his arms underneath your knees. 

Joel gets closer to you by resting his weight on his elbows, his own body on top of your slightly contorted one. You reach for him, grabby hands in the air until he allows himself to be pulled in for a kiss. You cradle his face, make him feel safe in your arms. 

“I love you, baby,” he breathes deeply. The new position gives him an opportunity to reach deeper inside of you, and it’s accompanied by each upward snap of his pelvis causing his cockhead to push into your g-spot. It makes it difficult for you to continue kissing him, eventually simply breathing into his mouth as he has you speared on his dick. Never once do you let go of his face, thumbs on his cheekbones, and tip of your nose against his. 

“I love you,” you whisper, unable to catch your breath. Joel can feel your walls flutter around his dick, threatening to pull his own climax from him too soon. You pant, eyes burning, “You— baby, shit… you’re gonna make me come.”

“Yeah?” He speeds up a little, carding a hand through your hair and gently tugging on the bun. He coaxes you, “Gonna milk my cock into you? Make me a daddy?”

“Yeah,” you whimper wantonly, tightening your legs into his sides as you try moving with him, “Yeah, baby. Gonna make you a daddy! Fuckfuckfuck. Ah— I’m, I—“

Joel doesn’t know if he’s ever made you come like this; without all the muscle and rough touches, without the fast-paced snaps of his hips and the foul taunting from his mouth of how dirty you are. But come you do, with your brows furrowed, gaze on his and a controlled breathing that suddenly becomes erratic and uneven after you let out a high-pitched cry. 

“That’s it,” he admires you, “So good f’me.”

You clamp down on his cock so hard that he sees stars, fucks you through each convulsion of your cunt. His mouth drips with filth as he works himself toward his own pleasure, “You make me so fucking horny, baby. Wanna knock— ngh, wanna knock this pretty pussy up all the time. Give ya a whole fuckin’ litter.”

He tips over the edge not long after, heart pounding in his chest and the sensation in his balls tightening. He releases with a groan, settles deep inside of you to make sure he doesn’t waste a single drop. His orgasm pulses through his cock, swirls in his belly, and warms the small of his back. 

“Fuuuck,” he pants. He carefully removes his arms from underneath your legs before he collapses, allowing you to stretch out underneath him. You look completely fucked out, gasping feebly as he teasingly gives you another thrust before pulling out. 

You wrap your arms around him as he falls onto you, nose against the shell of his ear. He can barely lift his head when you speak, humming into your neck that vibrates as you talk, “You think other people have sex this good?”

“Nah, ‘s why everyone is so fuckin’ miserable, why they gotta build mansions with their parents’ money,” he murmurs. 

“Stop thinking about the hotshot client in bed,” you tease as you cradle his head in your arms, lifting your legs to wrap them around his waist. It seems you cannot get close enough, “You should only think about sticky, sweaty me.”

Joel finds that he doesn’t care about sticky, sweaty skin and you feeling like a furnace after three orgasms. He lays with you like this for a while, sure that you’ve drifted off to sleep at one point, until you push at his shoulder, voice back to your normal pitch as the post-orgasmic bliss has faded slowly, “Gotta pee.” 

“Sure,” he rolls off of you. The sight of your waddle to the bathroom makes him smile, eyes following the way the fleshiest part of your ass and thighs jiggle with each step. 

When you’ve closed the door behind you, Joel finds the strength to rid the bed of the dirty sheets and start dressing again. He’ll have a shower before bed, he decides, ignoring the sensitivity of sliding on boxers and jeans again. 

Hurriedly, he bounces down the stairs to the kitchen. He gets the rest of your peanut butter cup, places it on the nightstand with your clothes right beside it. 

He checks the time. There’s no point in trying to cook something up for dinner if Sarah is home from ‘practice’ soon, so he goes down into the kitchen to order pizza, heart thrumming in his chest as he hears you shout a thank you from upstairs at the discovery of the other half of your favorite snack. He is happy. So so happy.

Especially as he writes ‘pregnancy test’ into his Notes app shopping list.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[zinniapetals]

Okay I was just gonna leave this post alone but ya know what, nah, lemme try to do damage control on my original statement. I’m so glad Chuuya doesn’t remember his dreams.

Even though, Chuuya technically doesn't dream. He doesn’t remember his dreams as he rouses into consciousness therefore..he doesn’t experience dreams. If you fall asleep and wake up the next morning, mind empty, no recollection of what happened while you were asleep and someone asks you, did you dream? You’d answer, no.

This is what Chuuya experiences. Could he have a million dreams at night and just not remember? Of course, but if he states himself he doesn’t dream it’s probably because he doesn’t experience dreaming, the interaction with dreams, the recognition of something happening while asleep, the faint recollection of a story or memory as he wakes. He might recall figments of emotion after waking up but he doesn’t actually engage in the process of dreaming. Sidenote: im currently rereading SB right now and if there’s more evidence that comes up later i’ll update this post but i just had to write this bc it was going to drive me crazy if i didn’t. What is dreaming? A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep. Anyways, a few people brought up a point that Chuuya’s identity of "not being able to dream" is linked with his humanity and that he woke up from a nightmare at the beginning of Stormbringer, which yes, that's right, it’s literally there in the text.

Chuuya Nakahara didn’t dream. For him, waking up was like a bubble emerging from within mud. [...] Chuuya sat up, his chest coated in a faint sheen of sweat. Swirling within his chest were the remnants of some intense emotion, although he couldn’t remember what emotion, exactly. He’d been like this every day as of late. Chuuya gave up trying to remember and left his bedroom to take a shower. - pg. 5; Stormbringer

Albatross talking with Chuuya:

“Did something happen? A bad dream, maybe?” A bad dream. The instant he heard those words, Chuuya turned around furious. “Nothing happened!” - pg. 13;

Pianoman talking with Chuuya:

“Arahabaki. Prototype A2-5-8, an artificial skill created by the military. That’s you. You’re not even sure you’re human. You’re worried you might be nothing more than an artificial personality–and that’s because you don’t dream.” Chuuya let out a voiceless growl. - pg. 21

Chuuya does wake up with emotions he can’t decipher and he gives up trying to remember what happened while he was asleep, which some folks are considering to be dreaming and that's valid. But the text also shows that he does not remember any visions, images, scenes, etc, anything that might follow what the conventional definition of what dreaming is.

My og post stated, I’m glad he doesn’t dream because he doesn't have to deal with waking up from nightmares and the text proves that while yes he might wake up and have lingering emotions, he doesn't remember the imagery or thoughts while he was asleep. Maybe i am being pedantic in saying this isn’t dreaming, maybe my definition of dreaming is different than others. Chuuya is getting his full REM cycle and doesn’t recall anything happening during that time, and honestly? Good for him.

I’m so glad Chuuya doesn’t dream; people treat it as such a sad thing with angst but like ?? Hello ?? His life has been pretty riddled with trauma and loss, like let the boy get his 8 hours of sleep without waking up from nightmares

[chalkscrub]

chalkrub stuns in new oc-tober prompts

it's a text-heavy update...i love rambling

day 11: symbolism/themes/visual metaphor i.e my favourite things in the world - eng lit nerds make some noise!!!!!

goin back to day 11 with my favourite thing in the world: an unfinished sketchy concept. and also SYMBOLISM and themes and metaphor…and also dark green

so mika and heidi's story is haunted by one time they happened upon a drowned fox and pheasant in a disused canal, something which came at a weird time in their lives and which heidi made weirder by making cryptic suggestions about the whole thing, especially playing on mika’s (former) religious beliefs about spirit connections. Over time, it’s infected mika with budding paranoia in the form of nightmares, hallucinations and latent aquaphobia, all of which she begins seeing as premonitory

shan’t overexplain the symbolism even though my brain wants me to, but this was all inspired by seeing literally the exact same thing on a walk with my great aunt when I was like 6 or 7. the canal water was all covered in algae/pondweed so i’m guessing the fox chased the pheasant, they both mistook the canal for grass, then fell in and drowned together. even as a little kid I was like wrow this is so poignant and tragic and heavy with the potential for on-the-nose symbolism….. or alternatively it just looked cool as hell and felt kind of rare and special. either way, like 15 years later I was developing a new direction for a couple of initially completely unrelated ocs, i.e mika and heidi, and at some point in their story development, I was like now wait a second….this is just like that one time I saw those animals who chased each other into an early shared fate and drowned together…… and it fit them really well and also made everything click into place for the main story, it was kind of uncanny. Thank you nature for showing me cool things every day, and rip to the fox and pheasant you live in my mind forever and always

day 12: future

BEAS!!! beas i love you beas. initial beasley flavour on the left and future flavour on the right. his whole deal is he wants to start a cult, so he ventures to The Big City to make a name for himself. then he realises imps like him are a dime a dozen in the city and nobody cares about him, so he has to scrape by working a minimum wage job as a cashier in a tiny corner shop. he’s from a comic I (partially) made for uni, idk how his story goes exactly but I guess it probably ends with the typical sappy message of being yourself for yourself and not for fame or fortune or whatever. he gets up to hijincks, feels sad and depressed, and goes through the torment of living with his own mediocrity in a world that demands greatness. imps grow with power, not with age, so at the start of the story, even though he’s an adult, he’s still as small as when he was born/summoned/spawned/whatever. he’s got some shapeshifting prowess, so his future form is more an example of the kinds of feats he can pull off when his powers stabilise, and also his cool badass flaming eyes.

day 14: inspiration.

here's a convoluted block of text explaining the heretic's main inspiration, which isn't very apparent in the design at ALL but nevertheless: they’re kind of inspired by the concept of a closet costume. like how you can throw a bedsheet over yourself and cut out some eyeballs and voila. You’re a ghost. Or put a big furry coat and a mask on and you’re a werewolf now. almost all of their design links back to this in a roundabout way: the fur is meant to look like a rug/coat/furry thing draped over something. I used to have a sheepskin rug when I was a kid and I’d always hide under it and crawl about and pretend to be a monster lmao…this is what i looked like in my head maybe. The normal shoes poking out are the human element – like how halloween costumes will sometimes be mostly themed but the shoes are just practical, or you see shoes poking out beneath one of those two-man horse costumes. The face is meant to look mask-like – the glassy unfocused eyes, the fixed toothy grin, the simple cone shape. The black eyelids are meant to be like those Halloween masks that have eyeholes above/below the eyes, covered with that black fabric to make it less obvious there's eyeholes. And the ears are floppy to be like socks or something; they have those two black lines because they remind me of loose stitching. Also just some animal influences thrown in – possums, goats and bulls…..none of the closet costume stuff is meant to be noticeable or apparent in the design, so why did I put so much thought into it? who know… but this thing is one of my favourite designs I’ve made so maybe it was all worth it

[sanzaibian]

Which writers do you recommend ? What stories did you like?

I follow quite a bit of creators, so it would be quite overwhelming to include all of them ! So I'll only include those I especially like and have things to say about.

I'll of course shoutout @joshslater, he's honestly a bit of an idol to me, since his stories are always so imaginative - and well-written ! In that category I also add @salmonskinrolltf of which I especially like the multi-parters, and how he explores a gimmick very thoroughly, @maletfsstories who always write great stories that hook me up even on kinks I don't have, and @rozza22365 who basically was the one to introduce me to the guilty pleasure of gay to straight by his thrilling prose !

I'll also shoutout the very prolific @papermoon357 (because, let's be honest, who wouldn't !), whose skill really shines in the stories he posts between captions, @fredwkong and @octuscle who both have a similar style of reader-driven posting that brings a ton of varied content, with each their own spin (thinking about it, it might very well be in the continuation of the style of feu collegenerdtojock, whose tumblr has been taken over by pastry for some reason), as well as @coyotes-rules-of-change who always nails down perfectly what I find hot in tf !

And for newer writers, I'll shoutout @occamstfs who does an extremely good job, @tidetfs who seems to have pretty similar interests as me, and @alphajocklover who kinda does have that old tumblr tf community vibe to his stories !

Finally, a few mentions that I don't know how to group, I shoutout @dreamingtf and his stories that very often make me feel good, @idesofrevolution who has a nack of writing immersive stories, and @nonotnolan who writes some really sweet love stories ^^ (and I'll add an honorable mention to Programming Prince, who was banned multiple times from Tumblr, and since quit writing stories, but was very impactful in my introduction to the community ^^)

As for stories, well, you make me dig deeper, the list has already been so long to write ! But here are some of my all-time favorites, of which I link through my likes/main blog (so that if the link perishes, it perishes with that account ^^') :

@fullfriendnerdpurse's trio of alpha car, forced imposter and how to make a douchebag (not the actual title), all are great concepts of which I love to throw myself inside, and I think could all make a thrilling longer story, @rozza22365's Brotherly Changes, that one story that convinced me to follow him, @alphajocklover's Unmoved, which resonates with my personnal experiences a lot, feu tyranitartf's I'm a dumb jock, very hypnotic and thrilling, @anomanlyarchives' text message swap (not the actual title), of which I love the love story, I-don't-remember-whom's Chess Rival, republished by @marcoh1234, a good all classic that just doesn't get old, @erogenousmind's Turing, one of those stories that just scratches my existential horror erotica itch, @0ng0ingw0rk's To Love and to Cherish..., a great love story, @joshslater's Wet Dreams, the story I blame for my diaper fetish, Happy Endings' The Mind Palace (gayspiralstories), honestly my favorite story of all times, I love the concept, love the execution, the sweetness and the corruption. I do an RP on it (or at least did until I took a break), and I think that's the one concept I won't be bored of ^^'

There's a buch of other stories I love and would love to show off better, but that list is already long enough, so I focused on the most impactful stories ^^'

[mindless-existence1]

Kinktober Day 6

Yuji Itadori x Reader- Ruined Orgasms and Overstimulation

Kinktober Masterlist Link

Normal Masterlist Link

Requests open for kinktober, flufftober, and normal fics!

Authors note: reader is gn and have been dating Yuji for a while. For the plot to work and for it to not be creepy Yuji is aged up to where he's a professional Jujutsu Sorcerer along with reader. My bookie bear help me write this so thank you hope you enjoy 😘😘😘

Yuji had told you he'd be back from his mission days ago. Three days to be exact. You don't have much contact with your boyfriend when he's gone on his missions, every once and a while he'll be able to text or call but that's about it.

So when he gets home you are in-between being mad and wanting to love on your boyfriend. Yuji greets you with a kiss and a big hug, dropping his bag as he enters through the door. "Yuji what happened?" Your voice is dripping with annoyed worry.

"I'm so sorry babe, we took down the main curse but there were too many little ones roaming around to leave when we planned to." You nod your head with a pout, peppering kisses all over his face.

Yuji smiles at the feeling, "Is there any way I can make it up to you?" His voice turns smooth, he leans down into the crook of your neck. Yujis breath drifts over the shell of your ear. You smirk as an idea pops into your head.

"Hmm there is something I can think of." Yuji lightly kisses the spot the connects you neck to your shoulder. Your tone makes him gulp,  "What do you want me to do?"

"Go to the bed for me, take off all of your clothes by the time I get there." Yuji nods his head, kissing your check before quickly rushing towards your shared bedroom.

You take your time turning off the TV and grabbing a water bottle for later. When you do finally get to your bedroom you find a naked flushed Yuji patently waiting on your shared bed. "Yuji did you know you were gone for three extra days?"

Yuji gulps, shuffling around. He feels so vulnerable being naked while you're fully clothed. "I didn't realize it was that long." You slowly shake your head, Yuji clears his throat when he sees you being making your way towards the bed.

He has to fight against the urge to cover himself, knowing it'd make you upset. You slowly straddle your boyfriends lap, his hands instinctively go to your waist.

Yuji bites back a whine when he feels your hand drift towards his throbbing length. His breath hitches when he feels you pumping him to full hardness. Soon he forgets this is supposed to be punishment when you speed up your hand.

Yuji never touches himself when he's away on missions, after a week and a half of being gone he'd gotten desperate. This sweet release feels like heaven, the climax building up in his core reaches its crest.

"Y/n I'm close, please-" a moan that tears from his throat interrupts him. You smile and nodd your head. "Go ahead sweetie." That's all it takes for Yuji to get pushed over the edge.

The only problem, when he finally releases it doesn't feel right. It's like all the pleasure he was feeling was ripped away even tho he was orgasming. He let's out a broken moan as he looks down towards his flushed red cock.

Your hands rested on his lower thighs, away from where he needed you. "Babe? What- why?" You just chuckle, "That's one down, two to go."

Yuji let's out a shaky whine throwing his head back to the bed rest. "No-" Yuji drags out his plea. He begins to speak again but moans instead when he feels your hand back on him. You start off fast instead of slow like normal.

The feeling shocks Yujis senses, every part of him feels sensitive yet he feels needy for more. Yuji's eyes gloss over at the feeling of your slick hand pleasuring him. Your boyfriends hands come to your shoulders desperately gripping them tightly.

"Look so good like this." You lean in towards his ear making him choke out a moan. A mantra of pleas flood from his lips, at this point its all Yuji can say.

"Close-" Yuji can hardly get the word out before he reaches his peak and feels your hand pull away. The prgasm rips through but brings no pleasure. A sob racks through Yuji making him let out a broken moan.

The grip he has on your shoulder tighten, tears stain his cheecks. Yujis entire body shakes with every desperate sob. When his climax dies down his body heaves with every heavy pant. "Y/n please."

You look down to see Yujis flaming red dick slick with past orgasms. You take one hand and bring it to his head, running a hand through his hair. You run your fingers through the slowly drying cum on his muscled chest.

You slowly drift your hand toward Yujis cock making him whimper.

"Baby it's not fair." Yuji begs desperately with a high pitched whine. "What's not fair? I think the punishment fits the crime." Your sultry voice drips like honey, it makes a shiver run down Yuji's spine.

"What crime? I promise sweetheart I didn't mean to." Yuji's voice wavers as he feels your hand come back to his throbbing length. "Oh but Yuji I was so worried, I mean three days I didn't hear from you. But don't worry I'll reward you soon. Promise." Your hand begins pumping quickly.

Yuji feels himself choke on a moan in his throat. The feeling of your hands too much. He feels both overstimulated and understimulated at the same time. Yuji attempts to talk to you but can't let out a single word.

"Aw poor baby. Just use your words." You tease but slow down your hand to give him room to breath. Yuji whimpers, panting heaving breaths. When he calms down enough he speaks, "it hurts y/n, I can't-"

You cut him off with a kiss, "Just say that magic word and I'll stop, you know that." Your words are mumbled against his quivering lips. Yuji just whines, he throws his head bad closing his eyes.

"This is the last one I promise, I won't even ruin this one." Yuji's eyes light up in desperation. His hair slightly sticks to his forearms making him seem extra messy. Yuji's panting heavily with a red face. His eyes seem to have hearts in them the way he looks at you.

Yuji feels the familiar boring feeling building up in his chest. "'M close y/n." Yujis voice slurred with pleasure. You speed up your hands making him lean onto you. His face is buried in your neck, hands desperately grabbing at anything he can reach.

Your chests are flush against each other, his covered in a thin layer of sweat. With a broken sob and a silent scream Yuji comes in your hand for the third time that night. You continue to pump your hand this time instead of taking it away.

Yuji moans in relief at the feels of you pleasuring him through his orgasm. A mantra of 'thank you's fall from his trembling lips. After a minute of helping Yuji through his orgasm you feel him go limp against you.

....after the after care you help him to the bedroom and help him change into pajamas and lay down with him and put on a movie ,preferably one of his favorite movies and he falls asleep on your chest while you mumble words of affection.

[natsvdova-old]

crazy for you

natasha romanoff x reader

summary: no one knows that you and natasha are together, but natasha wants nothing more than to get her hands on you whilst at a party with all your friends — a quickie in the bathroom.

warnings: smut, sexting, bathroom sex, oral sex (r giving), fingering (r receiving), praise, some hair pulling, very slight d/s

word count: 2,7k

AO3 link

18+ only, minors DNI !!

Natasha’s phone vibrates in her hand, the screen lighting up with a text from you. With a slight smirk on her face, she glances up to find you across the room, fidgeting with your phone while you talk with Wanda, an almost empty glass in your other hand, your cheeks slightly flushed.

With a small tilt of her head, she opens the message. 

10:07pm You’re insufferable. Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes.

Natasha’s smirk becomes more prominent as she looks back over to you. She runs her eyes up, following the curves of your body as you absently nod along to whatever Wanda is talking to you about, attempting to hide the fact that all you want to do is disappear with Natasha.

Natasha begins to make her way across the room, engaging in moments of small talk with people as she goes in order not to arouse any suspicion. Before she leaves the main room in which the party is taking place, she pauses at the door, casting a quick glance around the room to check that no one’s paying her any attention, then making eye contact with you and throwing you a quick wink before slinking down the corridor towards the bathroom.

She closes the door behind herself, leaving it unlocked for you to follow.

In all fairness, it is her fault. While Natasha waits for you to arrive, she leans against the countertop, checking her phone, going over the string of texts she had sent you whilst at the party so far.

9:24pm You look so hot. Can’t wait to fuck you senseless when we get home. 

9:38pm Every time I look at you, I can’t help but think about how you sound with my fingers inside you.

That one had made you cross your legs in an attempt to relieve some of the growing tension between your thighs. 

9:45pm Well done for keeping a straight face. You’re such a good girl for me.

9:46pm Especially considering how wet you are right now. 

That one had caused you to bite your lip in anticipation.

9:49pm Careful, baby. We don’t want Wanda to find out.

9:57pm You’d look even hotter without that dress on.

Natasha turns off her phone, placing it on the countertop beside her as she waits for you. Maybe she is insufferable.

– – – 

After watching Natasha sneak out of the party, you continue talking with Wanda, wary of following immediately in case of provoking any questions. Natasha could wait though; it was the least she could do after working you up the entire time you've been here. You could let her have a small taste over her own medicine for once.

No one knew of yours and Natasha’s relationship, the two of you wanting to keep it private for as long as possible. The privacy had been working in your favour so far with there being no invasive questions from your friends or incessant jokes. However, not being able to stay by your girlfriend’s side throughout the entirety of this party wasn’t ideal, but to be completely honest, the secrecy did add an element to the relationship that you loved.

Deeming it an appropriate time to follow Natasha to the bathroom, you excuse yourself from Wanda and make your way down the corridor. Hopefully, nobody notices your absence, and if they do, you hope they don’t link it to Natasha’s. 

You open the bathroom door to reveal Natasha, who closes and locks it behind you. The sound of the party carries down the corridor, slightly muffled through the walls, but you're both still very aware of your proximity to everyone else.

As soon as you make eye contact with Natasha, she immediately accosts you, wrapping her arms around your waist, your lips crashing against hers. 

“Oh, thank God,” she sighs against your mouth. “I was starting to worry you wouldn't show up, or that you’d asked me here for another reason.”

You shake your head, the heat that had pooled in your core from the texts making a resurgence. 

Natasha flips your positions, you taking the place she had occupied by the sink, your back pushing into the countertop as she presses her body against yours. One of her legs slots between your thighs as she begins to make her way down your neck, pressing kisses against you as she goes, until her mouth reaches the curve where your neck meets collarbone. 

You gasp as her teeth make an appearance. “No marks,” you manage to say between heavy breaths, all too aware of the fact that soon you’ll be making your way back out into a party of all your friends.

Her mouth continues its journey further down, her hands grabbing the top of your dress and pushing it down to reveal your boobs. A moan escapes your lips as her mouth makes contact with one of your nipples, tongue circling the hardened bud.

“Are you going to be good for me and stay quiet, baby?” Natasha asks as she pulls herself off you, “we don’t want everyone to hear you getting fucked by me, do we?”

You shake your head in response and her mouth reconnects with your chest, sucking a hickey onto you where only she would ever see as one of her hands comes up to tease your neglected nipple. Your hands move up from Natasha’s sides, tangling in her hair and holding her head in place against you as you begin grinding down on her thigh, breath getting heavier as you desperately try to avoid moaning again.

A soft whine escapes you when Natasha extracts herself from your chest, but you’re quickly mollified as her hands firmly grab your ass and lift you up onto the counter behind you, trying not to shudder as the cold marble comes in contact with your thighs.

Natasha’s hands begin tracing patterns on your thighs as they climb closer towards your centre, her lips coming back to meet yours, tongue slipping into your mouth. Her fingers finally make contact with your wet panties, rubbing you over the drenched cotton, causing a moan to escape you again.

“I thought we had agreed that you should stay quiet?” Natasha reprimands, pulling her hand away from you, “do we need to keep that mouth of yours busy?” Her fingers come up to rest on your mouth. “Be good for me and suck on these to stay quiet, baby,” she says as you take three of her fingers into your mouth.

Her unoccupied hand resumes its path on your thigh, pushing the skirt of your dress up so it’s bunched around your waist before hooking her thumb into the waistband of your panties and teasingly slowly dragging them down your legs. You’re not sure where your panties end up after that, most likely discarded on the other side of the bathroom floor, but you were too busy being distracted by her fingers teasing around where you needed them the most.

“Natasha, please,” you whined, extracting her fingers from your mouth. “I need you now.” 

“A bit needy, aren’t you, baby?” She replied, “that’s your fault for driving me crazy all night by wearing that dress.”

You both know Natasha will give you what you want. Normally, she might drag it out and tease you endlessly before finally allowing you to come, but tonight is all about having a quick orgasm in the bathroom before all your friends realize the two of you are both missing from the party.

“Me?” You question breathlessly, “it was me driving you crazy all night? Are you forgetting about all those texts you’ve been sending?”

She shuts you up after that comment by plunging the wet fingers that had just been in your mouth into your dripping heat. You bite down on your lip to prevent any noise escaping as Natasha’s mouth resumes its place on one of your nipples, your breasts still hanging out of the neckline of the dress she had pushed down. After giving you a second to adjust to the sensation of her fingers inside you, she begins pumping them in and out at a steady rhythm.

Your hands grasp at Natasha, nails raking down her back, desperate to grab purchase onto anything you can reach, tugging on her dress. “Please, Natasha,” you moan. “I want to feel you.”

Using her free hand, Natasha tugs the zipper down, allowing her dress to fall down and pool around her waist. A gasp escapes you as it’s revealed that she’s just as braless as you are, her perfect tits sitting right in front of you. Your arms wrap around Natasha and pull her closer to you, so your naked torsos press against each other, revelling in the feeling of her bare chest rubbing against yours. Your legs wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer towards you so there’s no space at all between you, her fingers buried deep inside you, trapped between your bodies.

Natasha’s pace increases, thumb rubbing circles against your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to make the coil in your stomach tighten and you throw your head back in pleasure, resting it against the mirror behind you. Your hands leave her back and one reaches up to palm at Natasha’s boobs, whilst you throw the other hand over your mouth to keep from crying out. The arousal that’s been building all night, ever since that first text from Natasha threatens to crest as your thighs tighten their hold around Natasha’s waist.

“It's okay, baby,” Natasha says, “you can come for me.”

That one sentence of permission from Natasha is all you need to send you over the edge, mouth opening in a silent scream as she continues to guide you through your orgasm with her thumb gently rubbing on your clit, pleasure taking over your body.

As you come down from your orgasm, you gently push Natasha’s hand away, the stimulation becoming too much. Natasha gives you a minute to recover as you rest against the mirror behind you, panting breathlessly in the aftermath. You look up to see her gazing adoringly at you. Your legs are still wrapped around her waist, so you use them to pull her closer to you again, allowing you to lean up and capture Natasha’s lips with your own.

You had intended for it to be a chaste kiss, a thank you kiss in the aftermath of your orgasm, but clearly Natasha had other ideas as she slips her tongue into your mouth, deepening it.

‘God, I need you,” Natasha sighs against your mouth as you break apart for air.

‘Who’s the needy one now?” You smile in retaliation.

You push Natasha away from you slightly and unwrap your legs from her waist. She makes a noise in protest, but silences herself as you slide off the counter and sink to your knees in front of her.

You start at her calves, pressing a kiss against each one before slowly mouthing your way up each leg. By the time you reach the hem of her dress at her thighs, Natasha’s breathing heavily above you in anticipation. You grab hold the bottom of the dress and begin inching it upwards, pressing kisses against each thigh as you go. As you get closer to her core, you pause, sitting back on your heels and push the dress up the rest of the way to bunch around her waist, revealing that she’s bare beneath the dress.

“No underwear?” You question, your arousal making a reappearance at the thought of her walking around the party all evening without any panties on.

“I’ve been thinking about fucking you ever since I saw you walk in wearing that dress,” Natasha replies. “I took them off ages ago because they were soaked through. They’re in my handbag.”

You let out a groan in response to that before placing your mouth against her thighs and resuming your path upwards. All you want is to feel Natasha come apart because of you.

Natasha swings a leg over your shoulder, pulling you even closer towards her, and places a hand on the counter behind your head to steady herself. “Come on, baby,” she groans. “Make me feel good.”

You press your mouth against her instantaneously, licking a stripe from her opening to her clit, lips encasing the bundle of nerves, sucking on it in the way you know she likes. Your hands reach up to grab onto her ass, slowly massaging it as you suck her. Natasha gasping in pleasure was your cue to move down slightly, your tongue darting out to lick at her wet folds. The hand that she wasn’t using to hold onto the counter moves to bury in your hair, holding your head in place as you explore her with your tongue.

“You taste so good,” you moan into her, sending vibrations through her core.

“Don’t stop,” Natasha forces out between gasps.

Using your hands on her ass, you pull her towards you, angling her hips just the right way to allow you to you slide your tongue into her, receiving a noise of pleasure in response as you begin to fuck into her at the pace she enjoys, obscene, wet noises filling the bathroom. Natasha’s grip on your hair tightens and she gently pushes your head further into her, guiding your nose into just the right place for her clit to rub against. As she begins rocking back and forth against your face, you glance up at her to watch Natasha throw her head back in pleasure, mouth open slightly in a silent moan, and eyes screwed up tight. 

You could tell she’s close from the expression on her face and the way her thighs twitch around your head. She had been working herself up all evening, it’s no surprise she’s ready to come so soon.

You angle your head further towards her, allowing your tongue to reach deeper inside her. “Oh, right there, baby,” Natasha moans softly from above you, her grip tightening on your hair as she grinds down onto your face, her clit rubbing against your nose.

She’s practically fucking your face at this point and you have no complaints, completely enjoying your time surrounded by purely Natasha. Her inner walls begin to flutter around your tongue, so you extract a hand from her ass to place on her stomach to steady her in preparation. You groan against her in pleasure and those slight vibrations are enough to send her over the edge, shaking above you. Her grip on your head and the counter tightens and the leg thrown over your shoulder twitches in her release. You continue to lap at her juices, wetness dripping down your chin as you coax Natasha through her orgasm.

You lower her leg off your shoulder and make sure she’s steady before rising off the floor to meet her. Once you’re standing, Natasha gathers you in her arms before pressing her lips against your, tasting herself on you. As you both come down from the rush of your orgasms, the sounds of the party taking place outside the bathroom filter in once more, reminding you both that you have somewhere to be.

“Come on,” she says gently, extracting herself from you. “Let’s get cleaned up and out of here before anyone notices we’re both missing.”

At that, you both turn to face the mirror and laugh at the mess of your joint appearances. You pull your dresses up back into place and attempt to fix the mess that is your hair. Natasha retrieves your panties from where she had flung them to the other side of the bathroom before passing you a cloth to wipe away the residue juices from her that coat the lower half of your face.

You’ve both done everything possible to make yourself presentable, but nothing can be done for the slight glint in both your eyes and flushed cheeks, or the fact that your knees have reddened and bruises begun to form from kneeling on the hard floor. Maybe your relationship won’t be so secret by the end of the night.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 66)

Alexia Putellas x Character (24)

Masterlist (other parts here)

Join our WOSO Discord chat! Link in bio :)

((**2.5k**))

Alexia POV

Alexia had gone to bed horny. Frustrated. Needy and wanting her. After watching the game with Lucy, she’d been at her house for an hour or so to socialise and pick up Chiquito. She’d been mid-way through a conversation, knowing it was about time to book an Uber when Ridley had texted her, offering to take her instead. At first she’d wondered how she knew where she was, and then she realised that she must have been talking to Blau. She didn’t mind that. It took away the effort on her part.

She’d entered Lucy and Blau’s place with that natural confidence, striding her way through the room full of attractive footballers. Her eyes had found Alexia first with a little smirk. And then Chiquito who padded over for a hello. She clapped hands with Lucy and as she ducked down to see if Blau was okay, Alexia felt a pang of jealousy at just how much attention she’d drawn.

She shouldn't have been surprised. Ridley commanded attention without lifting a finger, and until that point, Alexia hadn’t been the jealous type of person. But now… now she had to take a deep breath to settle that feeling in her stomach. She hated it, and loved it at the same time. She distracted herself by picking up Chiquito and saying her goodbyes.

The drive had been slow and silent, almost. Alexia was sitting in the passenger seat with Chiquito on her lap, just staring at her. Ridley somehow looked even more attractive in the dark, the street lights lighting up her face every time they passed under one. She held a neutral expression, a tell-tale sign of a Ridley in full control of herself, and she always gave off that dark aura. But it wasn’t bad. Fuck, it wasn’t bad. It made Alexia feel more safe than she ever had. Like she had a demon on her side. One that was soft for her.

She’d broken the silence to ask about her day at work, and Ridley responded politely, asking Alexia about the match and her catch up with the girls. Alexia wondered if she’d felt jealous herself, walking into a room of women, a lot who had flirted with the Spaniard who’d pretended not to notice, hiding behind a ‘language barrier’, though if Ridley had been, she hid it exceptionally well. The closest she ever got to showing anything was as her hand had touched Alexia’s back as she guided them to the door, her bag slung over her shoulders as Alexia had Chiquito in her arms. It had felt so domestic of them and she couldn’t ignore the happy feeling she wasn’t used to inside of her.

And so she responded, told Ridley about the game and her time with the girls. She didn’t ask any specific questions, and about no one in particular, though she did listen actively to each and every word Alexia said. It was nice to feel heard, and even better that it was in Spanish. She could never tolerate English for too long.

When they’d gotten back to the penthouse, Ridley had asked if she wanted dinner, but she’d already eaten at Lucy and Blau’s. Instead, they’d settled for another defence lesson. Ridley was the main draw to do the sessions, of course, but Alexia had also genuinely loved them. She felt herself becoming more stable on her feet which was one thing she felt she’d always needed to be better at. But it wasn’t only that. She felt more confident in herself, learnt how to approach unwanted situations and felt her body building and stretching muscles she didn’t know she had.

“Good… but don’t be scared to hurt me. Plant your feet. Again.”

God she sounded so good when she was authoritative.

Ridley swung at her at a decent pace, Alexia blocking each swing and ducked, planting her feet and throwing herself forward, her shoulder slamming into her chest, shoving her off balance. Ridley stumbled backwards with a wide grin and excited eyes.

“Good, Lex. Very good. You’re getting quicker.”

Alexia stood tall, proud of herself and Ridley’s eyes darkened.

“Again.”

Oh no. She knew that look. Ridley swung again, still just a practicing pace, and Alexia blocked the first, and the second, though before she had a chance to duck down, Ridley’s torso hit hers and then she was in the air, flying and spinning before her back hit the mat with a sharp, forced exhale. It didn’t hurt, but it had caught her off guard completely.

She stared up at the ceiling, her head trying to comprehend where she was and how she got there, when Ridley’s face blocked out the ceiling as it drifted over her. She was gorgeous. Her dark brunette hair tucked underneath the headband she wore when they trained or worked out, making her look more feminine and better exposing that sharp, sharp jaw. She could see her eyes better that way too and right now they look slightly concerned.

“You’re okay. You’re just a little dazed, Lex.”

She knew she was, but still it was nice to hear the reassurance. Ridley held herself above her easily with one arm, her free cast hand moving the stray strand of Alexia’s dyed blonde hair from her face, her eyes following her own fingertips gliding across her skin lightly as it often did. Those little stolen moments that she needed to survive without having her.

“Fuck me.”

Ridley’s eyes snapped to Alexia’s. Something had come over her; had snapped in her. Whatever sense of control she’d been grasping onto all these months. She should have felt ashamed, but she wasn’t, and Ridley’s eyes didn’t shame her either. They were blown, those gold flecks hardening.

It wasn’t exactly fair of her to do, given the position they were both in physically, and emotionally over the past few days.

Ridley’s lips were parted slightly, and although she didn’t say anything, Alexia could see the thoughts running through her eyes. They both knew it wasn’t a spontaneous, off the cuff thing to say. They both wanted it. The sexual tension had been palpable whenever they were together.

Her breathing hitched, wondering which was she was leaning. Her eyes moved to her lips as they pressed together, her jaw flexing.

“Fuck me, Ridley.”

Ridley’s eyes closed; a frown line appeared between her eyebrows. She was weakening. Alexia both hated and loved to see it. She loved seeing how weak she made her, and she hated seeing her fight herself. Her logic needed to win out, because she was too strong otherwise. She needed to know that it was for the best.

“Are we just going to keep doing this the rest of our lives? Because that’s how long I intend to stay your friend…” Alexia’s way of letting her know she wasn’t going anywhere. Ridley’s jaw relaxed. She was listening. “Because you know I want you… and I know you want me. Why else would I be here, in your apartment, with Chiquito, with anything and everything I could ever want or need?”

Alexia let that run through her mind for a bit, and then readjusted herself under her, and widened her legs. It was such an unusual thing, because she wasn’t used to being the one considered more submissive. But god, did she want her.

“So fuck me, Lee. Let’s get this out of our system. I’m not going anywhere but we need to sort this out before we start to affect our lives by needing to be around each other. Needing each other. Fuck me…. Please.” She said the last part softly, almost like a beg. And at that, Ridley’s eyes opened, and they were… tired. Tired of fighting.

She readjusted, instead leaning on her cast hand and just as Alexia went to argue, Ridley’s thumb found her lips. She traced them like she’d been wanting to do it for the longest time, taking her time and memorising them. They parted under her thumb and Ridley’s eyes darkened with lust as Alexia’s tongue came out almost shyly to touch the pad of it. Ridley’s jaw twitched as she tore her attention away from that, her hand gliding down, pausing with her fingers touching either side of her neck, as if remembering the night she’d choked her. It was a moment of rage, though Alexia had never been so turned on, just as she was now. She could feel her nipples hardening, and saw Ridley’s eyes flick to them as they pressed through her shirt.

Enough was enough. Alexia was utterly desperate for her now. She wriggled her shorts down and when Ridley saw what she was doing, she let out a small groan, but she froze also. That internal fight was evident from the tension in her body, and in particular, her shoulders as she hung there. Alexia took hold of her hand and dragged it down to where she needed her.

She didn’t place her hand on her, just close enough to feel how warm she was. Ridley needed to do the rest. She let out another sound that was a mix of a groan and a whimper. It made Alexia’s heart flutter knowing just how much she wanted her and so as Ridley’s hand lingered between her thighs, just centimetres away from where she needed her, she grasped the back of her hair, her fingers weaving through her soft, dark strands, and pulled her head down to her. Alexia’s mouth met Ridley’s ear.

“I’m right here. I’ll always be right here… I just really need you, Lee.” She kissed her cheek, her lips landing on her skin for the very first time. So soft. “Please,” she whispered and felt Ridley shudder.

She knew how badly Ridley wanted her. She felt a little coercive, but Ridley was strong and made her own choices. She knew she’d never do something she herself didn’t want to do. All she needed was that piece of logic Alexia had offered her.

They’d need to fuck to ease some tension on their friendship.

At Alexia’s final word, Ridley pulled her head away. Alexia was nervous at first until she saw that look in her eyes. Ridley’s hand moved up to feel through the wetness that had gathered since she’d first messaged her that night. Alexia gasped as she felt through her. It was happening. Oh fuck.

Ridley’s eyes remained locked on hers, as if looking for any hesitation, but she found none because there was none. Alexia was sure her face showed her desperation. Her fingers found her clit but didn’t stimulate it, just roamed around it like she knew exactly where it was, tilting her head as she watched Alexia begin to squirm, her cheeks reddening. Her fingers grazed over it only once, Alexia trying to hold in a whimper as her breathing hitched. Her fingers moved down through that slickness of hers so wet, it’d been evident on her underwear, though Ridley hadn’t seemed phased. Her experienced and reliable fingers stroked around where Alexia needed her most. Just long enough for Alexia to sacrifice her pride in a whimper.

“P… please, Lee.”

She couldn't even look at her when she said it. It was still so unusual for her to be on the receiving end. But at that point, she was so wound up she was almost in tears. Just before they appeared, she met Ridley’s eyes again that were looking as if waiting for her to do so.

And then Ridley pushed two fingers into her and stopped, pressing against that perfect spot on her inner wall. The Spaniard’s eyes rolled back, and she moaned at the feel. God, she needed this. She felt her body clench tightly around her. Her hips tried to move, to ride them, but Ridley had her pinned in place with her hips.

“Is this what you want, la Reina? Mindless sex?”

Alexia didn’t respond because she didn’t know what she wanted. She just knew she wanted her.

She pulled her fingers our devastatingly slowly, the pads of her fingers gliding along her wall with a noticeable pressure.

She pulled her hand up, looking at the glistening wetness of Alexia on her fingers. She took one finger and sucked it clean, Alexia feeling a noticeable shiver running through her as she tasted her excitement.

“Mmn. You taste very, very good though.”

Alexia was watching her, bewildered with dilated pupils. She offered her other finger to Alexia. “Would you like a taste?”

Alexia accepted her finger in her mouth, keeping that eye contact as she sucked it clean. She could see Ridley teetering on the edge, her eyes hooded as she watched from above her. Alexia made sure to run that sensitive pad of her finger over her tongue on the way out.

“You’re being naughty.”

“I want you.”

“I can’t give you what you want, Alexia. I can give you sex, sure, but I can’t be with you. I can’t break your heart like that. Not you.”

Alexia was so horny, she could barely function.

“That’s my decision to make.” She said as she manoeuvred herself under her, Ridley not fighting. Alexia wrapped her legs around her waist and pulled her down to her. The feel of her body against hers was better than anything she could have ever imagined. She threaded her fingers into her hair again and pulled her head down, her mouth finding her neck and sucking. God, how she’d dreamt of doing this so many times.

Ridley let her tease her neck for a while, accepting her wandering mouth with increasingly frustrated breaths. God, the resilience of her. Alexia was a puddle just under her gaze, let alone if Ridley had been at her neck.

“Lex…” she groaned. “This is getting dangerous now.”

Alexia shivered at the nickname she’d dragged out of her.

“Let it…” she whispered against her throat, her hands moving up the back of her shirt and over those muscles, those scars.

“It will just be sex. No kissing on the lips. Nothing more.”

Alexia hesitated at that. No kissing? “Worried you won’t perform?”

“Worried I’ll lose you…” Oh Ridley. Alexia stopped and pulled back to look at her. Her face betrayed just how bad she was struggling to restrain herself. “I don’t want to lose you, Alexia. I don’t want to lose… this. Us.” She bowed her head, her hair tickling Alexia’s cheek. “I can give you my body, but please don’t mistake it for my heart. You want more than I can give. That is all I can give.”

Alexia paused. Hesitated. Her opinion was different. She could see the vulnerability in Ridley’s eyes. She knew in her bones that it wouldn’t just be her body, it would be her heart as well. She was just trying to protect herself, and Alexia from pain. She truly believed that, enough to risk her heart to her.

“I’ll take whatever you can give me… and you won’t lose me. Ever. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

Alexia nodded. Ridley began trembling above her as she let herself lose that battle of desires.

To be continued...

[vintagepascal]

alfajores

AN - the poll I put up the other day won out with fluffy pedro/reader and I'm working on a request I got for it but it's taking me a hot sec, so have this one that I already have written to hold you over :) hope you enjoy!

word count - 2,900+

rating - teen

content warnings - no warnings, just fluff!

summary - you decide to surprise pedro for his birthday on set with some help from bella (ao3 link if you prefer, it's titled pedrito over there :) )

----------------------------------------------------------------------

you worry too much

You hit send, tucking your phone quickly between your thighs as you tried to relax, eyes trained on the window outside as the plane started to pull back from the jetbridge. You were never much of a liar, but you hoped desperately that you could pull this one off somehow. 

Your phone buzzed. A text from Pedro, no doubt.

Mi amor, that’ll be four shifts this week. You need a break :( 

You couldn’t help the smile that it brought to your face, knowing that he had no idea that you’d be seeing him so soon. 

I’ll survive. Busy is good. Now go film some cool shit, tell Bella I said hi. I’ll text when I can. I love you

Love you more. and no hi for Bella, they ate all my bday cookies. 

You chuckled to yourself and quickly clicked your phone over to airplane mode. You’d paid for the inflight wifi so he wouldn’t suspect anything if he happened to have enough breaks in filming to text you - he was a worrier at heart, especially when it came to those he loved, and an undelivered text would be enough to put him into a panic. 

With everything set into motion, you settled back into your seat and reviewed the plan.

You’d had it in the works for a month. All behind the scenes of course, but you’d gotten everyone in on it that you could. Neil, Craig, Bella, Gabriel - anyone who would be around set. The filming schedule was insane, but you knew that they’d want Pedro’s birthday to be special, especially since he wasn’t able to come home and spend it with you.

In the years that you’d been dating, you had learned he loved a good surprise, though he would never admit it. And even more so, he would never, ever , let anyone make a big deal out of things for him. Even if he played it off for the press about loving the attention, when it came to those close to him he would much rather celebrate those around him than be the one in the spotlight. 

It was no surprise that they were one hundred percent on board with throwing a bit of a surprise party, with you being the main surprise. The next part of the plan was simple - getting a few days off work had been easy enough, considering Pedro had insisted that you went part time and only worked when you wanted to once he landed another job. It was a luxury that you allowed, considering it meant you got to spend so much more time with him when he was off filming, and even go on the occasional press tour with him. 

Once the flight was booked and everything else had been arranged, the hard part came - keeping the love of your life in the dark. Pedro was the type of person that you wanted to tell everything to. From the simple things, like the dog in the rain boots that you’d seen on 2nd avenue that morning, to how much you wished you could be together all the time - any thought you had flowed off your tongue so easily to him. He was your safe space, and you were his, which was a cornerstone of your relationship from day one. 

Thank god you’d only finalized your plan a few weeks ago, or you weren’t sure you would have made it. 

As a cover up, you found a highly rated South American bakery in Vancouver to send some of his favorite cookies and sweets to set, just like the ones his mom used to make when he was young. You sent some flowers too - hydrangeas, spray roses, gerberas - something to warm up the cold Vancouver set he’d been dealing with. He’d called you that morning from hair and makeup, so grateful and excited. You’d promised him there was more to come when you could see him in person, which he thought was in three long weeks when there was a small break in scheduling for something Bella needed to do back in London. That seemed to be enough of a birthday present from afar to satisfy him.

You hoped he was still in the dark as you watched the small plane flit across your screen, taking you mile by mile closer to him. 

It was a long flight from New York to Vancouver. You spent the majority of the time doing something you didn’t get to do often on flights - watch something Pedro was in. Majority of the time, if you were on a long haul, Pedro was right beside you and in his true almost 50 year old fashion, he’d break out his headphone splitter and want to watch something with you. You’d only recently got him to agree to airpods. Obviously, that meant anything he had been in was off limits, so you took the rare chance to go back and watch Narcos - you were only in season two, and you were loving how much screen time Pena was getting. 

It made you smile hearing Pedro getting to show off in both Spanish and English - he’d taught you quite a bit in your relationship, and you caught quite a few words throughout the episodes that you recognized, though most of the time you were too busy watching him to pay much attention to anything else. God, you would never understand how you’d gotten so lucky. 

Halfway through an episode, a text popped up on your phone.

This is gonna be so good dude, he is proper clueless. 

You laughed as you read it in Bella’s voice. A picture came through next of them holding a small cookie and running away, with a blur that you assumed was Pedro in the back.

Also, pls send more alfajores before he kills me

By the looks of the photo, they were shooting outside of the city still, which was what you had planned for. Pedro had begun a habit of sending you a picture each morning of the set for the day, a way of keeping you involved from afar. It seemed to be the same beautiful landscape as earlier - you hoped he had been having a good day so far.

The rest of the flight went off without a hitch. You texted Pedro once, feigning that you were on break at work, unsurprised that he wasn’t able to answer right away, as you knew he was busy. 

The excitement really started to set in when you touched down in Vancouver. You shot a text to Craig once you landed - it was 7pm local time, and you had about an hour and a half drive to get to set. To your surprise, the crew had insisted that you got the celebrity treatment by association, and had sent you a driver who met you outside of the airport and immediately got you on your way. 

You made small talk with her until the first and only hiccup of the plan appeared - Pedro’s face popped up on your phone, an adorable picture of him from last summer on your vacation to Hawaii - an incoming facetime call. Of course. He usually called you in the evenings, but it wasn’t always a facetime. As much as it killed you, you let it ring through, waiting about five minutes until you returned it with a regular call.

“Hi mi amor , everything okay? You off work?” He picked up on the first ring.

“Yeah yeah, I’m good! I’ve got a headache so I took a shower and got straight in bed, sorry I didn’t pick up.” It felt so wrong to lie, but you knew it would pay off. 

“Oh no cariño, did you take some medicine? Did the shower help? There’s some of that tea I made you last time in the cabinet still, in the purple box.”

“I’m fine love, just need some sleep is all. Guess it’s a good thing I’m not there to put a damper on your birthday fun,” you teased, grinning to yourself. Your driver let out a tiny chuckle that you caught in the rearview mirror. 

“Wish you were here, headache or no headache,” he sighed. “I miss you.”

“Miss you more.”

“ Mentiras. ” He said. “Lies,” he translated when you didn’t contradict him. “I won’t keep you, just wanted to see your pretty face. We can talk in the morning when you feel better, okay? Call me if you need me. I love you.”

“I love you too. Happy birthday Pedro, I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Bye amor.”

You hung up, letting your head rest back and your heart flutter as the city began to fade away behind you. 

One hour later, and you were frantically texting with Bella, attempting to find the best way to surprise Pedro as you arrived on set.

Have your driver drop you off by my trailer, and I’ll sneak you into production stage. Meet you there in five.

You relayed the message and sure enough, Bella came scurrying around the corner, practically tackling you in a hug once they found you. You’d met them the first time you came to set with Pedro, back in the beginning stages of production during some team bonding time, and you knew how important their relationship was to the both of them.

“Do you think he has any idea that I’m here?” You asked, following Bella as they led you around the back of a large temporary structure that you assumed was production stage. 

“Not a single fucking clue. Craig and I have been playing it off all day long, talking about how fun it would be if you were here,” Bella grinned. “I think Neil is bringing out a cake, c’mon, we gotta hurry. He’s probably in his chair, just hang back and sneak up behind him.”

As you rounded the corner, you heard the hum of voices inside and noticed the chairs. Bella gave you a quick thumbs up and hurried around so they didn’t draw any attention to you, coming in from a different angle and taking their chair next to Pedro. You spotted Neil first, walking very carefully with a large chocolate cake alit with candles in the general direction of the chairs. 

Crew began to gather around and you swung to the right so you could blend in but still see Pedro’s face as he realized what was happening. They all began to sing and you watched the adorable blush spread across his cheeks. Bella was filming beside him as he smiled and blew out his candles to the applause of all of the cast and crew - it warmed your heart to see so many people celebrating the man you loved.

They took the cake to a nearby table and began to cut it, passing Pedro his piece first. In all the noise, you seized your opportunity to sneak up behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squeezing gently. 

“Can I have a bite?” 

His eyes blew wide as he craned his neck to try and see who was behind him. You leaned back to help him out, laughing at the pure shock on his face.

“What!? What the fuck are you doing here!? You’re in New York!” He discarded his cake to the side, roughly pushing his chair out of the way to get to you as he stood up all in one move, wrapping you up in his arms. You could vaguely hear applause somewhere behind you but you didn’t care. It felt too good to be in his arms after so many weeks, your brain didn’t have much space to process anything else. 

When he finally loosened up it was only to kiss you softly twice on the lips, then once on the forehead before he leaned back and grinned at you.

“You sneaky little thing.”

“Guess I’m not in New York,” you teased, popping up on your tiptoes to kiss him one more time before you disentangled from him, leaning over to give Bella a fist bump. 

“Oh you knew about this? Huh?” Pedro asked.

“Of course I knew about it, I’ve known for a month man!” Bella grinned. 

“Oh you see if you make it through a single take tomorrow kid,” he threatened, but they were both laughing. 

“Actually, as a birthday gift, tomorrow is a rest day. Everybody can thank Y/N for that one!” Craig announced, which was met with whooping and cheers from everyone, with a few yells of your name. Pedro pulled you up against his side. 

“I assume that means you’re spending the night then, eh?”

“Nah, figured I’d just pop in for five minutes and then catch the next flight out,” you grinned, rolling your eyes at him. “I’m here for three days, two nights.”

“Not long enough. Never long enough, but I’ll take what I can get,” Pedro sighed, kissing your hair. “Now get some cake so we can go home.”

Home in Vancouver was a nice apartment that Pedro was renting downtown. After cake was had, final birthday wishes were given and hugs were distributed, Pedro changed back into his own clothes and led you to his rental - an Audi, of course. He opened the passenger door for you and climbed into the driver’s seat, holding your hand as he sped off of set and back towards the city.

It didn’t matter that you had just done this drive - he held the back of your hand up to his lips, pressing soft kisses there as he drove down the highway and you couldn’t have been more content.

“I cannot believe you’re here right now. I thought I wasn’t going to see you for weeks,” he said, shaking his head. He hadn’t stopped smiling since you had appeared behind him. 

“I couldn’t leave you alone on your birthday,” you sighed, leaning over and resting your head on his shoulder. It was late New York time, and the adrenaline of the day was beginning to wear off now that you were with your man. 

“You can sleep cariño, I’ll wake you up when we get there,” he murmured to you.

“No, no I'm okay,” you reassured him, but it was already garbled. 

The next thing you felt were soft lips on your forehead. 

“We’re here mi amor. C’mon, let's get you upstairs.”

He helped you out of the car, the lobby lights of the building helping to wake you up a bit as you made it to the elevator. The driver from earlier had put your suitcase in Pedro’s car, and he managed it with ease as well. You stayed tucked up to his side as you headed up to the top floor. He unlocked the door easily, keeping one arm wrapped around you even as you walked through the door, rolling your suitcase into the corner. He kicked off his boots and tossed his keys somewhere, and then he was scooping you up, making you squeal a bit when your feet left the floor. 

“God you don’t know how many times I’ve thought about you being here lately. I’ve missed you like crazy baby.” He carried you down the hallway and into the kitchen, sitting you down onto the counter. Without asking, he turned and made you a glass of ice water. “Drink. You’ve been on a plane all day.”

You listened to him, grateful for the cool liquid on your dry throat. 

“I need to go get all this makeup off, but I’ll be ready for bed in five minutes. Meet you there?” 

“I could go with you,” you offered, but your words were garbled by the long yawn that immediately followed. Pedro chuckled, kissing your nose. 

“I don’t think I can hold you upright and wash all this grime off at the same time love. Go climb in bed. Stay awake for me, I’ll be there in just a minute,” he instructed, taking you by the hips and placing you on your feet. He didn’t let go until he was sure you were steady, and then he disappeared to the bathroom. 

You didn’t even bother going for your suitcase. Instead, you moved to your boyfriend’s drawers, finding his old Lakers shirt. It smelled so much like him that it made you smile as you stripped out of everything but your underwear and pulled it on. 

You climbed into bed, making yourself sit up so you wouldn’t fall back asleep as you listened to the water run in the bathroom, then turn off. Pedro was humming a song as he got ready, and you couldn’t help but grin when he emerged only a few minutes later in just his boxers, hair damp and a matching smile on his face. 

He wasted no time in climbing into bed next to you, immediately reaching over and pulling you right up against him. His hands splayed out underneath your shirt, finding skin as he sighed, pressing his nose up to your neck and breathing you in.

“Ahh, mi deseo,” he breathed.

“Translate,” you whispered, eyes closed as you melted into him, trying to get your skin onto his everywhere that you could. It lit a familiar fire in you that began to burn deep.

“My wish,” he said. “I wished for you. Today, but also for so long.”

“I’m here. Right here,” you breathed, hands slotting into his hair. His fingers found purchase against your hips, pulling you over and on top of him. 

“Happy birthday Pedrito.”

“Happy birthday to me,” he grinned, and got to work.

[waffowo]

I cannot stop thinking about how Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain ironically fits as the missing link of the Metal Gear Solid franchise by being this ambivalent and spiteful text that could only be possible because it exists after Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns Of The Patriots.

Like think about it. MGS4 is Kojima’s perfect farewell in how it encapsulates his complex relationship towards his own series, his own cynical but still very much hopeful take on The Irishman (2019) if you will. The game simultaneously reveals Kojima’s hope and affection by pulling every known idiosyncracy to a hyperbolic degree but also his exhaustion and suspicion through Snake being not a hero but an old killer and his reflections on his role as a pioneer of the military-stealth genre within the gaming industry. It even seeks to tackle the behemoth of closing at least the majority of the loose narrative threads. As a consequence, any future game is attacked with the question of purpose since Kojima has already said what he needed to say. 

Through this question is how MGSV can even be allowed to exist because it affirms that the question is rhetorical. The game chronologically exists in a liminal space in the middle, neither here nor there. It even narratively exists as a structural ouroboros, a almost completely closed system which begins and ends on a mirror. Kojima elevates this sentiment to an extreme level by denying any kind of player satisfaction (or nostalgia) by still being an encapsulation of a lot of overarching themes now filtered through a lens of condemnation. 

 There is at least this sense of valour found in the main cast of MGS4. There might not be any heroes but you can tell that at the end of the game, there is a sense of dignity. MGSV works completely opposite to that. The central cast of MGSV is so pathetic that the game plays like a tragicomedy as they aimlessly wander about, overdosing on some serious fucking copium that taking revenge will bring peace. A particular venture you know that’s doomed but can’t help but watch. Phantom Paz expresses this so unsubtly yet so perfectly in her final cassette tape. Peace Day is always going to be a mirage and has been even since the Peace Walker days, it’s just that Kojima doesn’t always focus on the other reality that these people are all still terrorists and war criminals. 

People who expected Big Boss instead got a confused, empty and depressed war criminal who can be found roleplaying as a cowboy. His other hobbies include non-stop vaping and managing war criminal spreadsheets. Mission 43 doesn’t feel like a descent into evil because Venom is already kind of evil but instead works by acting in perfect opposition to Chapter 1 where you sort through your digital files to identify patterns and promptly send them to death in the quarantine ward. He’s so high up the military hierarchy that of course he can’t help but have a crisis when he is directly confronted with the physical reality he used to be able to meet with mechanical detachment. 

Venom Snake also serves as a perfect way to comment on the overarching theme of agency. However, there’s no final monologue to tell you to think for yourself, no Raiden throwing away the dog tags, no Naked Snake refusing to shake an official’s hand. Instead all these typical moments are denied in every way possible to the point it’s very funny. Venom is not only a castrated protagonist but is also basically a preprogrammed AI with no hope to break free because he’s narratively doomed. Your actions don’t really matter. Even funnier, the ending is perfect by hitting you with the “you, the player, were the war criminal all along” that heightens the tragicomic beats through recontextualisation. What is more mortifyingly funny than realising that you’ve just been playing as Raiden AGAIN but instead of someone that exists beyond the player you have become canonised as an in-world character complicit in perpetuating imperialism. This works so well with how if you listen to the tapes and mission briefings closely, you realise that there are so many contradictions that no one are bringing up. Everyone is lying to you and everyone is telling the truth but it doesn’t matter. Venom just captures the disorientated position of the player, caught in this Pynchonesque paranoid labyrinth that it leaves you confused and speechless. What other choice do you have but to smoke a fat one, it’s not like you can actually resist the game if you’re completely out of the loop. 

Aside from Venom, there is of course Huey who has descended into full on pathological lying and delusion. Even if he didn’t cause the second outbreak, he’s so overwhelmed by guilt and paranoia by his other crimes he’s most likely guilty of that he’s able to beat the truth serum. When you’re rescuing Huey, he literally blames you for the destruction of the MSF. Like literally as you’re hauling ass to get him out. Even more pathetic is Kaz who makes these grand statements alongside Venom about taking revenge that you know doesn’t mean shit. His monologues are so passionate and are so depressing and yet he is met with awkward silence constantly that it’s depressingly funny. 

There’s this amazing usage of comedic timing, after you rescue Kaz and bring him back to Mother Base, where he monologues and says, “Dogs of war for nine whole years…that ends today. Now you’re not sleeping, and we’re not junkyard hounds. We’re Diamond Dogs.” The swelling of the music at the last moment is instantly followed by Kaz being shut the fuck up by a medic who puts an oxygen mask on him and lies him down. No one responds to the speech. Ocelot merely only talks to stop the medic and allow Kaz to get a few more words in out of pure pity. Likewise, Kaz’s extreme cognitive dissonance as he believes he can return to the good old days is so pitiful and poignant you can’t help but to stare with sympathy. 

The end of Chapter 1 shows how far gone he is with a very clever cut as Venom turns away from a vision of Skullface where Skullface is replaced by Kaz himself. Chapter 2 then logically shows him becoming full on paranoid, going full on 1984 Minister of Truth because what else does he have left if he doesn’t have an object of revenge anymore? I remember a moment, where he’s calling you, with this sense of manic fanaticism as he rambles to Venom that it’s time to dig up dirt on Huey and finally get him out for good. It becomes so absurd that even OCELOT tells him to shut the hell up. 

Ocelot is maybe the only normal person on board but that title means nothing in-universe. He’s thriving because he’s happily going along with War On Terror 2. He’s normal because he flat out embraces this and even goes out with his crush dressed as a cowboy. Of course there won’t be those moments where he’s of central dramatic focus here, he is simply here for the ride, his true goal to win the game of 8D chess for the man he’s down bad for. 

This band of losers are completely devoid of real purpose and are so…beta and it works because of how it both confronts an equally important reality of the characters not usually as overt and how MGS4 already closing off the franchise sets up how MGSV’s narrative and characters are already and should be dead. Peace is only possible in the case of war criminals when they’ve been buried. Evoking dissatisfaction might not always be intentional and is sometimes accidental but it works because there is no real satisfaction in beating a dead horse just to see your faves perform one more song. Especially if they already aren’t good people.

[sacredthethreadgvf]

Limelight | Jake Kiszka x Reader | Part 2.

Word Count: 20.3k

Chapter warnings: SMUT!! Dirty talk, unprotected p in v. Talks of poor mental health that could be triggering. Mentions of family issues and trauma in childhood linked to parents not being available for their children or discouraging them.

A/N: Hey everyone..I am so sorry this chapter took me so freaking long to write out for you. My mental health has taken a turn for the worst over the last couple of months and the burnout as a result has been unmanageable. This story means so much to me and I am so happy that I can finally share part 2 with you. This is lightly edited so my apologies. This chapter can be quite triggering so if I have missed anything, or if there is anything that personally is triggering to you as a reader that I did not heed in my warnings pleaseee send me a message so I can add it to my list. 

Lastly, I have to give the biggest shout out to @joshym who has spent hours with me on FaceTime, been bombarded with texts and vm’s about ideas for this chapter and has encouraged me to continue writing even when I wanted to give up. This story wouldnt be where it was without her support. Alright Ill shut up now, enjoy…

****

September 3rd. 

STARCATCHER

St. Paul, MN.

Getting back into your routine after a short break was easier than you had originally anticipated. You had actually missed life on the bus to an extent. The chaos that seemed to surround the boys and a different venue or city every day held a sort of excitement you couldn’t seem to get in any other aspect of your life at the moment. 

A true taste of the limelight, if you will.

“On the road again! I can't wait to get on the road again!” Josh's boisterous singing and snapping of fingers carried through the white labyrinth hallways of St. Paul's Xcel Energy Center as he sang into the mic for soundcheck.   

The energy surrounding the boys and the team seemed to be back on top of the world after a much needed break. There was almost an electric energy surrounding the venue and it was infectious. You had spent the day running around the city with a few members of the team grabbing last minute snacks, lunches, dinners, and drinks. It had been a busy afternoon and you finally made it back to the venue in time to hear a little bit of the boys soundcheck. 

Following the sound of Josh singing through the white halls you couldn't help but smile to yourself at how good he sounded, his voice carrying effortlessly. You finally paused at the main entrance from the hallway to the stage and stood against the wall, your smile grew. To be honest, you couldn't contain your smile when it came to Jake anymore. The thought of what happened a few weeks ago plaguing your mind. Whatever it was with him felt like the thrill of your life at the moment. You paused and watched his fingers move along the frets, watching closely as he tweaked this string and that, and signaling to his tech to adjust the volume of his guitar.

He looked even better than he had before the break. He had a refreshed look on his face. His energy seemed to be at an all time high as you watched him throw a guitar pick at Sam, narrowly missing his head while Josh continued to belt without sound from the instruments surrounding him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jake in person since that night at the impromptu office party and you two had your heated moment together. You could still feel the burning of his fingertips on your legs and you hated to admit it but you spent almost every night since then imagining what could have transpired if you hadn’t been interrupted. 

You had wanted to reach out to him. You wanted to text him or call him to see how his break was going, see how he was doing but you never had the heart to pull the trigger. It felt wrong. You had to remind yourself that you worked for the man. You couldn't let one heated make out session with a hot guitarist uproot your entire career just because you felt like you were touch starved. 

You laughed to yourself as you watched Sam throw a guitar pick back at Jake and began to giggle as Josh snapped his head in their direction, shooting his younger siblings a warning glare. You finally approached one of Jake's sound techs and stood beside him for a moment, crossing your arms out of habit to guard yourself when you felt out of place or even slightly anxious. “All good here?” You asked, watching as Jake sprinted across the stage and pretended to kick Sam. 

The tech, who’s name you learned was Scott, looked at you and smiled, “Seems so. Just can't keep the guys focused enough to get everything done in a timely fashion.” 

“I am not surprised.” You rolled your eyes and huffed a small laugh. 

“Right!” Scott responded with a small laugh, hooking a string to one of Jake’s prized Gibsons. 

You looked back towards the stage just in time to catch Jake looking at you with a mischievous smile, his sunglasses hiding the rest of his face. He waved at you softly to which you returned and the butterflies erupted in your stomach. 

Fuck, focus Y/N.

You patted Scott’s shoulder, “Well if youre all good here, I'm going to go back and make sure everything is in working order. Holler on the radio if you need anything.” You said, gesturing to the black radio hooked on your waistband.

“Hey thanks Y/N. I appreciate it.” 

“You are most welcome.” 

Your head snapped back to the boys on stage as you heard the first couple notes ring out loudly from Jake's guitar. It seemed like at least Jake had finally found his motivation to focus. Thank goodness. 

***

Just as quickly as the soundcheck started, it had finished. This is when the true chaos began.  Everyone was running around backstage trying to not only wrangle the boys to make sure they were on time for the schedule but also get them ready simultaneously. You had been working diligently setting up snacks and drinks for the night as well as organizing not only the boys dinner, but the staff's dinner as well. 

You were approaching show time quickly and you decided to drop off Jake’s dinner to him personally instead of setting it aside to be picked up when he pleased. Through the grapevine you had heard the first show back after break was the most nerve wracking for him and it was best to leave him alone. But you figured, as his new assistant, you would take the time to drop off his dinner personally and see if he needed any help. Walking into his greenroom, you found Jake hunched over polishing his black stage boots and humming along to a Black Keys song playing through a speaker you set up for him across the room. He looked up at you when he heard you enter the room and shot you a look that had you instantly weak in the knees, “Hey Clover.” 

 “Hello Jacob.” You set the box of food on a table nearby with its respective plastic fork and knife set. Super fancy things for the rockstars. 

“Ooh, I’m Jacob now?” The smile widened on his face which you didn’t believe was possible. “Didn’t know we were on a government first given name basis.” 

“Something like that.” You turned away from him, trying your best to hide the blush on your cheeks and a big smile. 

“So,” Jake closed the tin on his black leather polish. “What have you been up to Y/N?”

“Ooh, first full government name now Jacob?” You taunted him as you set out a few towels to carry to the stage with you. 

“Something like that.” He whispered. You jumped slightly as you realized he had quietly approached you from behind, fingertips grazing your lower back softly. 

You pushed him away and rolled your eyes, still smiling and made a beeline for the case of water and wine bottles set aside in the corner of the room. “Oh shut up Jake.” 

“Don’t be so rude Clover!” He placed a hand over his heart. 

You carefully set a water bottle down on the table and turned to face him, a soft mocking glare in his direction. “You'll survive I think.” 

“Don't be such a brat either!” His jaw dropped but there was a gleam in his eye. He missed this with you, the banter, the flirting, how you always had a non stop pink tint to your cheeks around him, it made the zipper on his pants feel extra constricting. 

You had decided to ignore Jake’s flirtatious remarks in lue of the time. “Alright c'mon and eat, we need to get the ball rolling here.” You snapped your fingers and pointed to your non-existent watch on your wrist. “Times a tickin!” 

Jake saluted you and gave you a soft smirk, grabbing the to go box and settling back onto the couch comfortably. He watched unabashedly as you exited the room in search of Rose for some odds and ends before the show started. He shamelessly pulled at the crotch of his pants a bit before getting comfortable enough to eat the wrap he had ordered. 

***

Not but an hour later and after many silly runs back and forth between respective green rooms you heard the final call over the radios.

“Time to deliver the package to the stage.” 

You stood outside of Jake’s green room leaning up against the white painted brick walls that resembled your old school hallways. You knocked three times on the closed door signaling it was time. Jake opened the door moments later, sharing a soft smile with you and a head nod as a signal to you now that he was ready to go. He was clad in a new black suit. A suit you weren’t aware was making a debut this evening. You had seen it before, tucked away on a hanger when you had been at the office mere weeks ago. But actually seeing it on Jake. Well, this was a different story. 

The shoulders were covered in rhinestones and glass beads alike and fuck he looked good. Your eyes widened at the sight of his strong chest and his bare stomach displayed against the black satin. The matching black pants hugged him in all the right places as he walked by to meet up with his brothers. You were still perched up against the wall, mouth slightly agape as Rose approached you, “Ready?” 

You were startled and quickly shook your head, “Absolutely!” 

You watched as the boys began to walk ahead of you, pushing each other against walls and laughs filling the air. You knew by now that this was the last moment of fun before they dialed in for the night.

The chorus of classical music became louder as you approached the stage through the same hallway and gate as you did earlier. The boys’  usual pre show antics died down as well as any casual discussion amongst team members. Flashlights began to light the way as you approached the entrance to the stage in the dark and this is the moment you also dialed in on your heart racing in your chest. Even though you weren’t performing you held a sense of nerves for each of the men in front of you as they passed briefly, Josh getting his mic, Sam his bass, Jake his guitar strap and pick and Danny his first set of drumsticks for the evening. 

You watched Jake as he adjusted a few dials on his Gibson, placing the guitar pick between his teeth as he followed his brothers up the stage steps. This is the moment the adrenaline hits. 

Jake turned his head towards you for a brief moment as he made it to the top of the platform standing next to his brothers.  He gave you a curt nod and a smile and you returned it with a thumbs up before he turned his head forward, facing the back of the curtain.

Showtime. 

The screams became louder as you watched the lights dance across the curtain in front of you, the sound of the orchestra picking up. You looked over at Rose and smiled as she patted Josh on the back and sent him away. A few moments later, the curtain fell and the screams from the fans were the only thing you focused on. You couldn’t help the smile that broke across your face as you watched the boys pose and prepare for a night of revelry. 

*** 

The first show back has been going smoothly. You still held a certain anxiety that you wouldn’t be prepared for Jake but you seemed to have found a dynamic with him pretty quickly throughout the first half of the show. Thankfully it seemed like his ques for more wine or a towel or even a new guitar pick had been more apparent than what you had originally dealt with. 

Okay here's your cue, here they come. 

You thought to yourself as the first half of the show came to a close.

Josh stepped off the stage and made a bee line for Rose. Sam ran shortly after him and had already exited into the hallway to head to B stage before Jake even stepped foot off of the stairs. It wasn't until you two were hidden away from the prying eyes of the crowd that he allowed himself to touch you. 

“Hey Clover,” He bumped his shoulder against yours, the sharpness of the beads on his shoulders scratching at your skin briefly. “How are you enjoying the show?” 

Your mind was running a million miles an hour, too focused on getting Jake situated for his B stage appearance to even give yourself time to acknowledge the fact that his knuckles were currently grazing your bare thigh underneath the bottom seam of your shorts as his arm swayed back and forth. You glanced sideways at his face finally and watched as he brushed his other hand through his hair, the sweat pooling on his hairline and a few strands of his hair sticking to the side of his face. You handed him a towel and watched shamelessly from the corner of your eye as he wiped away that sweat.

“I always enjoy the show!” You pulled the ice cold water bottle dripping with condensation from the little bag you were carrying and cracked it, handing it off to him.  

You heard him hum as he took a long swig from the bottle, “I know, you can’t seem to take your eyes off of me.”

Fuck.

You both slowed your walk a little bit through the hallway as you both realized you were approaching the gate to exit to B Stage. You finally looked at him now that you had slowed your pace together and realized how much he had actually been sweating. 

“Come here.” You turned your body towards him.

“What? What's wrong?” 

“Look up for me.” You dug through the little bag and pulled out a cotton ball and a mini bottle of micellar water. You reached out and began cleaning up some of the dripping eyeliner that started to run from his sweat. 

He flinched slightly and began to swat your hand away. “Woah! Why are you doing that?” 

“Relax, your eyeliner is running.” 

“Don't we want the eyeliner to run? Makes me look more rugged and more like a pirate, no?” He couldn’t contain the smile that was breaking across his face, as much as he was trying. 

You rolled your eyes, “You’re borderline pirate and looking like you just went through a messy break up. Just let me fix this spot.” 

“Whatever Clover.” He rolled his eyes and continued to cooperate with your request. 

“Alright, that should do it, here.” you held out a second fresh towel to dab away any sweat that had been collecting on his neck that he had missed while you had begun to tuck your supplies away in your book bag.

“Hey Clove? Can you hold this for me?” He asked out of nowhere. There was a glimmer in his eye as you realized he was holding a white rose. Wherever he had that tucked away, he had hidden it pretty well.

“What's this?” You blushed. 

You watched as Jake wiped his forehead and neck with a fresh towel you had just handed him in exchange for the white flower. “It’s a rose?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Thanks captain obvious, I mean why do you have it?” 

“It’s for you little Clover. A token of my appreciation for all that you do for me s’all.” 

You blushed furiously at the nickname and the sweet gesture he bestowed upon you. “Where the hell did you even hide that anyways?” 

“Dont worry about it.” 

Damn that cocky smirk of his.

As the drums faded away in the background and the screams of appreciation from the crowd died down on the other side of the wall, you could hear the beginning notes of Unchained Melody carry through the venue. Jake stepped a little bit closer to you as he began to walk by, his fingertips trailing across your back as he leaned down and kissed your cheek softly, “Missed you Y/N.”

Your heart pounded in your chest and your jaw dropped as you watched him walk away and take place next to security at the foot of the stairs to B-stage. You were in trouble. 

***

You figured after a successful, jam packed busy day you would have no problem on your first night back sleeping on the bus. Yet here you were, tossing and turning without any luck. You just couldn't sleep. The constant rocking of the bus, the motion from the hard pavement below underneath the tires, the snores sounding from around you, all of it. You rubbed your eyes and grabbed your phone from the side pocket of the bunk where it was safely tucked away, the screen blinding you momentarily as you unlocked your phone. 

3:15 AM. 

You figured you would just give up on sleep at this point. You only had about a 5 hour drive until you arrived at your hotel in Chicago and just figured you could just rest on this day off. Jake would understand and you were certain he wouldn't mind leaving you alone to catch up on some rest if needed. 

You sighed softly as you grabbed your headphones, the current book you were reading and slowly and as quietly as you could you crawled out of the top bunk, your big toe painfully balancing on a bunk below you as you stepped down. You were grateful for the blue lights that illuminated the walkways in the bus and the fact that this bus had a second story lounge. How in the hell that even fit up there, you hadn’t a clue but you were about to argue with anyone about it. This allowed sleeping quarters and recreation quarters, which was perfect for moments like this. Maybe you'd even be able to watch the sunrise this morning from the front of the bus. 

You padded quietly through the hall and made your way to the very small staircase and began your descent, the only sound around you was the wind whipping by and the soft snores coming from a few of the bunks. You sighed softly and smiled to yourself as you found the empty booth with the big window at the front of the bus on the upper level. You settled into your spot and opened your book, instantly regretting not bringing your blanket and pillow with you for comfort yet refusing to go back down in case you might disturb anyone. 

Some time had passed and you had been a few chapters into your book at this point when the sound of someone clearing their throat across the room made you jump out of your skin. 

“Well, what are you doing up Clover?” Jake smiled at you softly. He grabbed a small water bottle from the mini fridge a few feet away from you and took a few sips. He was so casual as he leaned against the counter. 

You gasped and removed the hand that had jumped to your chest, “Jesus Jake! You scared the shit out of me!”  

“My apologies Clover.” He slid into the booth across from you. “What are you reading?”

Your face flushed hot and your eyes grew wide . “Oh..nothing, uhm..it's just some fantasy story.” You hadn't the heart to tell him about the raunchy words that you had just been reading. The book had quite the plethora of smut tucked away in many pages. A guilty pleasure of yours that you hated to admit.

“Just some fantasy huh?” His eyebrows raised and you watched as his tongue peek out and meet the lip of the water bottle before his lips closed around the opening. Stop staring like a weirdo Y/N.  “I like fantasies. Could I read it after you? I need something new.” 

Your throat went dry, “I don't think..I don't think this is your cup of tea really Jake.” 

“Why's that?” He reached over to the book and lifted the cover to peek at the artwork. 

“I just-..” 

“Spit it out little Clover, cmon.” He smirked as he withdrew his hand. 

“There's a lot of uhm,” You averted your gaze to anything but his face and your voice lowered to a whisper. “There's a lot of…sex.”

“What was that?” Dammit Jake…

You cleared your throat softly.“There's a lot of sex.” 

His head turned sideways, almost inquisitive. “And who said I didn't like sex?”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times but words seemed to fail you. Being in Jake's presence, even thinking about sex in his presence, it felt dirty. It made you feel hot in all the wrong places for your own boss.

“Just let me know when you're finished with it, I think I will enjoy it.” He tipped his head back and finished the water bottle. You watched his hands as he crushed it effortlessly between them, twisting the cap back on the top after it was flattened. “Why are you awake?” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” You removed the book from the table in front of you, away from prying eyes. 

“I asked you first.” He leaned back and smirked, toying with the empty ball of plastic in front of him.

You rolled your eyes slightly. “I'm still getting used to the whole ‘sleeping on a tour bus’ I guess. The bunks are uncomfortable, I feel like I'm sleeping in a coffin and the motion sickness doesn't help. Even with the Dramamine I've been living off of.” 

“You will have that with this lifestyle sometimes,” He gave you a sympathetic look. “I'm sorry Y/N. You really  should try and at least get some rest though, it’s only day one.” 

You nodded, “Unfortunately I do not think that is in the cards for me this evening.” 

Jake hummed. 

“You never answered my question.” You said. 

“Ah,” He fiddled with the empty water bottle again. “I too cannot sleep this evening. I guess I'm a little wired after tonight's show.” 

“The crowd was electric tonight.” You confirmed.  

“They were indeed.” 

A tense silence fell between you two, like you were testing each other to see who would speak first. Naturally, it was Jake who broke the silence and you took note of how he nervously brushed his fingers through his hair for a moment.  

“Hey, wanna watch some tv with me? I used to watch cooking shows when I was younger and had trouble sleeping…but if that's not your forte, we can watch a movie or something.” He gestured down towards the back of the bus where a few couches spread out along the length of the bus and a nice sized plasma tv hung off the wall. His rambling was cute.

“I love cooking shows.”

***

Thankfully, Jake knew where some extra blankets had already been stored by the couches to bundle up on the bus since it usually ran cold for the best nighttime sleeping. He had turned on the Food Network and you two were settled on opposite sides of the little loveseat watching Chopped. 

“Do you really think they don't know what is in a basket before they open it?” You asked, popping a piece of popcorn into your mouth.

Jake's brows furrowed as he chewed, “They have to have some kind of idea because there's no way they can make these gourmet meals in 20 minutes out of random ingredients.” 

“Right! I mean, power to them if they truly don’t know. I don't think I could come up with a meal like that out of the blue and make it fancy.” 

You two fell back in a comfortable silence as you watched the cooks move across the screen. You hated to admit it but your body ached for Jake to be close to you, as much as you tried to deny it. His cologne was once again invading every one of your senses and it was intoxicating. With the way you were angled you were able to make small glances at his side profile discreetly. Or so you thought until his eyes met yours and he broke out into a smile and shook his head. Your heart dropped into your stomach.

“Got a staring problem Clover?” He grabbed another handful of popcorn from the bowl placed perfectly inbetween you. Cocky bastard.

Your eyes widened, “Huh?” 

“Don't play dumb with me. I could feel your eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.” His voice dropped a whole delicious octave as he smirked and tipped his head in your direction.  

“I don't know what youre talking about Jakey.” You tried to hide the smile that broke across your face as you looked back at the tv screen. 

“Oh I'm Jakey now huh?” 

You rolled your eyes, “I guess it's rubbing off on me from the others.” 

“Hmm.” He smirked again and you felt him shift from his spot on the couch next to you slightly .

“C’mere Clover.” He cleared his throat and whispered, your head snapped in his direction. He had positioned himself so his left arm was hanging on the back of the couch facing you a bit more and he had opened the blanket that was placed on his lap prior, offering a clear space for you to snuggle up.

“Huh?”

He rolled his eyes and smirked, “I know you're not deaf either.” He began moving towards you and your breath caught in your throat as you felt his hands find their way under both of your thighs and another around your torso gripping tightly. “I said. Come. Here.” 

Your heart was racing wildly in your chest as he settled back down on his side of the couch with you now tucked into his side. He threw the blanket over both of your laps now and one of his hands rested across your thigh. You still had a perfect view of the TV from your position but now being unable to see Jake, you felt uneasy.

“Much better,” He whispered against your ear. “I was getting a bit cold and you looked uncomfortable over there.” He paused to tuck your hair behind the same ear he had just been speaking into. 

Your face went hot and you sat rigid in your position against Jake. This felt way too intimate. You two hadn't had the chance to talk about or acknowledge the heated kiss you had shared a few weeks ago in the darkroom. This was toeing the line of downright inappropriate for a situation with your boss. But it felt way too good in the moment that you couldn't help yourself, you had been craving his touch for weeks now. Spending many lonely nights in your apartment back in Nashville wishing that he was there next to you, just like this.  

“Relax Clover,” Jake's fingertips brushed along your thigh, inching closer to the inside. “‘S just me. No need to be so tense.” 

That's the thing, you thought. It's you Jake..

You focused on the cooks on the screen, scrambling about to finish their tasks in time. You were hyper aware of every movement Jake was making, down to each one of his breaths filling his lungs with oxygen. Oxygen that you felt you needed so desperately. Your head was still swimming  and you were slightly uncomfortable in your position but your skin felt alive so you didn't dare to move an inch. You counted as the minutes ticked along before you felt him take a deep breath behind you, “Clover.” 

You turned your head ever so slightly and felt as his lips made contact with your cheek, the softest touch of them dragging across your cheekbone. Goosebumps spread across your arms and legs. You closed your eyes and sighed softly as you tilted your head in his direction. You wanted him at this moment. You wanted all of him, no you needed him. You didn't care anymore that he was your boss. You didn't care about the possible repercussions the two of you faced every time you found each other alone in a secluded area. Your back arched closer to him as his fingertips brushed the apex of your inner thigh. Fuck all inhibitions, he was downright addicting. 

You became suddenly aware of the fast movements his hands were making towards your core as his fingertips traced light circles against your inner thigh. He was getting dangerously close, so close to where you needed him most. You took a chance to look back in his direction to find his eyes half lidded watching you closely. From your angle it would be so easy to continue tipping your head to the side and kiss him. The feeling of his breath against your lips as he struggled to keep his own composure. The throbbing became more intense as his fingertips brushed along the band of your underwear hidden away underneath your sleep shorts. Your skin felt like it was on fire. 

You couldn’t help but mimic his actions and turned your body to face him better, your fingers immediately finding the edge of the waistband of his shorts. The feeling of his soft tummy underneath your finger trips with a little trail of coarse hair made your legs clench together at the thought of what he even looked like without clothes on. His breath began to stutter and his fingertip finally dipped underneath the hem of your panties, grazing the soft mound of skin. 

Your confidence grew as you felt how hard he was, straining against his own pants. All for you. You had accidentally grazed him, to which he jumped slightly in reply and a soft groan escaped his throat. You clenched around nothing at the low growl that vibrated against your ear. Before he could move any further you fully grabbed into the head of his throbbing cock in his pants, the girth alone making your core clench. 

He let out a longer groan this time, his head tipping back for a moment before his half-lidded eyes met yours again. “Wrong move sweetheart.” 

His hand that was dangerously close to toying with you snaps up to your neck and grips you roughly. You gasp as his lips make contact with your cheek again and move quickly over to your ear biting it with enough pressure to elicit a gasping moan from your throat. 

More, more, please dear god more…yes…fuck.

Someone cleared their throat. 

You lept out of Jake’s arms just as quickly as he had already been pushing you away towards the other end of the couch again. Your heart hammering in your chest. 

Both you and Jake made eye contact with Danny who was smirking wildly, eating a pack of gummies. 

“What do we have here?” 

Fuck. Fuck no, no.  

Your eyes snapped to Jake whose face was giving away the fact that he probably had the same thoughts before you both looked back at Danny. You felt like a puppy with its tail tucked between its legs. 

This could cost you your job. 

Not just with Greta Van Fleet but at your firm as well. You felt sick. 

“Danny, listen man..” Jake was rigid. 

He held a hand up after he popped another gummy bear into his mouth. “Look, honestly I could give a shit  less, let's be real. Just, be fucking careful for goodness sake.” He leaned down to grab a water bottle from the fridge. “You’re lucky it’s me who’s up right now and not anyone else.” 

You took a chance to look towards Jake again, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth now in a tight line. You made note of his knee bouncing with anxiety. You still felt like a deer in headlights yourself. 

“Just promise me you won’t do this on the bus again. At least try and hide it between you two.” Danny pleaded as he crushed the plastic water bottle in his hands. 

Jake rubbed his nose and stole a glance in your direction, “You have our word.” 

September 6th. 

STARCATCHER

Chicago, IL. 

The speakers boomed wildly in the arena. The screams from fans either shouting their graces or singing their favorite lyrics at the top of their lungs filled the air around you. You closed your eyes for a brief moment on the side of the stage and took a deep breath. You began humming along to one of your favorite songs that was booming through the arena speakers that you learned quite well since you started working with Greta Van Fleet. You focused on the notes from Jake's guitar more than anything if you were being honest. Opening your eyes you couldn't help but immediately follow his figure on stage. Watching him live out his dream he had told you started in his parents garage many years ago that took off, what felt like, overnight. 

This right here. This is why you did what you did. 

Music was your true passion, but being able to watch the friends that you made along the way live out their dreams, to see people live up to their true potential and become recognized for it? It made your chest ache with pride. You couldn't be more proud of the four men on that stage in front of you. You couldn't be more proud of Jake. 

You hadn't talked to Jake about that night on the bus. You had a moment of tension after Danny retreated back to his bunk after his late night snack escapade, but Jake quickly broke it by sending you a soft smile and suggesting to follow what Danny had mentioned and that going to  bed would be a good idea. He had been acting bashful, like a child who was just caught stealing the candy out of the candy drawer, but he acted no different towards you. In fact, he had kissed your cheek briefly and cracked a joke about being more cautious. He had a knack for easing your anxiety, assuring you that Danny wouldn't tell their tour manager but to probably keep things at a minimum between the two of you for now. 

You had officially given up on trying to deny your feelings towards him. The way he carried himself on  and off stage was something you weren't even aware that you were looking for in a romantic partner. He was kind, funny, confident yet shy in an endearing way, and god dammit was he good looking. You knew it was so wrong to feel this way but you were almost sure that he felt the same way too. 

He had been stealing glances your way tonight on stage and where you were looking for his signals for more wine or another towel, you found none. Instead you found smiles, soft eyes, and the occasional wink sent in your direction. There was no denying it. You weren't in a rush to ask him what was going on between the two of you, both out of your own fear of abandonment and not wanting to label or ruin what you had going for you. It was light and fun and fuckin hot. The random moments like the one you shared on the bus a few days ago, you loved the insatiable feeling that was building in your chest. You smiled briefly and bit your lip remembering the feeling of Jake's fingers so close to where you needed him and looked down at your shoes, hiding the emotions written all over your face. It was clear as day you were a million miles away and with Rose standing so close you feared she would turn and catch you blushing wildly. 

You looked down at your watch and noticed the time, matching up with the music you knew the boys would be off stage soon and post-show chaos would reign once again. Usually, for reasons you still couldn't understand, the boys would have what you liked to call “post-concert zoomies”. How the hell they had so much energy after working their asses off, you had no clue, but usually one or two or all of them would end up in some sort of mischievous activity to finish out the night. You tapped lightly on Rose's shoulder to get her attention. “Hey, Im going to sneak back now and tidy up a bit so we can get the fuck out of here tonight at a decent time. Is that okay with you?” 

“Absolutely of course it is, I'll keep an eye on Jake for you.” 

“Thanks.” You patted her shoulder and made a beeline for Jake's dressing room. Trying to help Rose wrangle these men as well as try and clean up and avoid distractions from Jake after a show had proven to be quite difficult since the break. It seems all the energy they restored was now tenfold and making you and Rose stress more than usual to stay on time with bus calls at the end of the day. 

You opened the door to Jake's dressing room and started tidying up by folding random clothes and sorting them into piles, cleaning up the makeup station and throwing away the random food boxes from dinner. The roars of the crowd became louder and then ceased after a moment or two, signaling the end of the show for the evening. By the time you heard the boys coming through the halls, Josh talking at a higher volume than the rest, you had just set a towel aside with Jake's shower items for him on a blank counter. 

“I'll catch you guys in a bit.” Jakes tilted his chin up to his brothers before locking eyes with you in the room. 

“Hey Clover,” His smile bright and his eyes gleaming with the overhead lights, you took notice of the long stem white rose he was twirling between his thumb and first two fingers. “Forgot to grab this for you earlier.” He walked towards you slowly and presented you with yet another white rose. 

Your cheeks go aflame and you cannot contain your smile. “That's three roses now, I'm losing places to save them Jake.” You bring the flower up to your nose and inhale its scent as Jake pulls off the black jacket and lays it on the couch. 

“Where have you been hiding them anyways?” He shoots you a questioning look. 

“I have my places, away from the prying eyes of anyone else.” 

“Ahh, I see.” Jake flitted around the room effortlessly, gathering up little personal items and then grabbing his items to go shower. That weird moment of tension settling through the air again. You wanted to ask Jake about the kiss, the bus, his actions towards you. All of it. Your head began to swim at the thought of his possible responses or reactions. 

He had been so flirty with you still but did he mean anything by it? He hasn't brought up what happened between either of you as well. Did that mean he regretted it? 

“Y/N!” Danny's voice rang through the doorway. Your saving grace you suppose. “Do you have any makeup remover? Rose is low I guess and she said she has to save it for the diva.” 

You giggle and glance over to the otherside of the room to see that Jake had already retreated to the shower. “Uhhh, yeah, yes I think I do Danny.”

You stood from your spot on the couch and made your way to your bag digging out the extra bottle of micellar water and a pack of cotton balls and you handed them back to Danny across the room. 

“Thanks Y/N.” He nodded at you. “Hey by the way, I think we are all meeting in Josh's dressing room in a little bit for a few drinks as a celebration. You should join us!” 

You smiled at him and crossed your arms, “Sure, I just have a few things to finish up here first with Jake and I'll be there. What are we celebrating?” 

“Jake is starting another band with a few of our close friends and things are falling into place. I think they will actually be opening for us for a few shows looking into next year. He hasn't told you about it?” Danny's brows furrowed. 

“Wait really? No, no he hasn't.” 

“Ask him about it if you dare, he's super excited.” Danny winked and closed the door as he turned to make his exit. 

A new band huh..

You smiled to yourself softly at the thought of Jake's love for music and his dedication. You don't think you have met someone so passionate about their craft yet and it excited the butterflies in your stomach. You settled onto the cool leather couch in the green room and opened your laptop, you had a few invoices to log for Rose for the day that thankfully would not take too long. The sound of packing up outside the doors, keys jingling, people yelling commands at one another all quickly became background noise to you as you typed away in the excel sheet designated for you and Rose. You had been so focused on your computer screen you had not heard the creak of the bathroom door as Jake made his exit from his shower. 

Your only cue was seeing nothing but wet skin and a crisp white towel in your peripheral. Your heart caught in your throat and you sucked in a sharp gasp, hoping that it wasn't loud enough for Jake to catch it. You felt like a deer in headlights, his towel left little to the imagination. You slowly studied his chest down to the little patch of previously shaved hair on his pubic bone, his hair dropping and the water rolling down his skin. 

Your eyes darted to his face last and while he hadn't been looking at you, you could see the smirk he was once again trying so hard to cover. “See something you like, Y/N?” He placed his jeans and belt down on the counter across from you.

Your mouth was agape without realizing it, “I…uh-…oh holy fuck…I’m so, so sorry Jake.” You quickly shut your laptop and stood to make your way out the door.

He cleared his throat and you watched the skin across his knuckles tighten shamelessly as he gripped the towel tighter. You could ever so clearly make out the shape of him hidden away behind the cotton towel. The thought that it shouldn’t be that easy to see such a thing made your mouth run dry and your core begin to pound. You stood quickly, making haste to the closed door. 

“No, wait.” he said breathlessly. 

“Y/N,” Jake took a step towards you and you both froze again. “Clover..” his opposite hand holding the towel raised slightly like he was trying to calm a wild animal that had approached closer than anticipated. 

“Dont.” 

Your hand paused on the door handle of the green room, unsure why you listened but every cell in your body felt like you would comply with any word that passed those soft lips. 

You turned back around and faced Jake slowly only to find he was now closer than before. You could smell his old spice shampoo and body wash surrounding you. You watched as a droplet of water ran down the side of his forehead, down his cheek and finally dropped off the bottom of his chin. He looked sinful all wet like this. His hair was slightly slicked back with a few pieces still sticking to his face. As he took a few more steps towards you, you could feel the heat from the hot shower radiating off of his skin.  

“Clover.” He repeated, more softly than before. 

Your eyes unintentionally dropped to his lips then quickly snapping back up to his eyes. You watched as he lifted his hand and felt the brush of his finger on your cheek, wiping away what you assumed was a bit of your mascara that might’ve flaked off during the day. 

His eyebrows furrowed and you took a moment to admire the soft pout of his bottom lip as he flicked away the little black speck. Goodness, you wanted to feel his mouth against yours again. 

His eyes lifted back to yours and he walked towards you and pushed you back against the door with a soft thud. Your breath ceased to exist for a moment. You watched intently as Jake’s eyes flickered down toward your lips. He was moving closer to you, intent on kissing you which was apparent by the way he licked his lips. 

A pounding at the door made the back of your head jump slightly, “Jake cmon man hurry up! You’re taking longer than fuckin Josh does.” Sam’s voice rang out through the solid oak. 

You let out a breath and Jake smirked, “Sammy boy seems to have impeccable timing.” He said softly. 

“Seems so.” You returned his soft smile and hoped  he would kiss you even after your interrupted moment. Your heart sank in disappointment as Jake stepped away from you and made his way across the room to his case where you had tucked away his change of clothes earlier.

“Can you run ahead and tell Sammy I’ll be there in a moment, Clover? I’m sure he’s about ready to grab Daniel to break the door down.” You watched as his thumb tucked away underneath the rolled up band of his towel, mouth going dry at the brief thought of what was hidden away by a thin piece of fabric. What probably was softly tucked up against your hip a moment ago. 

“Uh..yeah, yes I’ll do that right away.” You squeaked from your dry throat.

“Thanks Y/N.” 

With a wink and a soft head nod in your direction, he dipped into the bathroom once again to change. You trailed out of his greenroom desperate for some fresh air. Maybe a damn cigarette at this point. Simply anything to calm your wild heart.

***

While you had been opposed to drinking on the job, you had found Sam and Josh to be very convincing. The second you step foot into the green room down the hall you are instantly surrounded by loud music and booming voices. 

“Que sera, sera! Whatever will be, will be..” 

Josh had his arms wrapped tight around one of the security guards and another arm around Sam. All three of them belting the chorus to the song, legs kicking in the air in unison. Laughter followed shortly after. You couldn’t help but feel a rush of emotions. You were so grateful to have started working with Greta Van Fleet. You felt your shoulders drop and all your worries seemed to melt as you took in the scene in front of you. Smiles all around, laughter filling the air. 

“Ahh! Y/N!,” Josh boomed, waving his finger in your direction. “So glad you could sneak away from my twin to join us. Come, come! Pick your poison darling!”

Josh pranced across the room towards you, still rocking one of his famous jumpsuits and rhinestones. He looped his arm with yours and dragged you over to a small table littered with ice buckets, beers, cups, liquors and mixers alike. 

“We have it all! What would you like?” 

“Hmm, surprise me!” You smiled. 

“You don’t want that,” Jake's voice rang out beside you, making your body flush with heat. “He’ll make you a damn salty dog.” 

“What's that?” You turned to look at Josh.

“Grapefruit juice, salted rim and vodka.” Jake’s nose scrunched as he grabbed a red solo cup and some ice. His hair was now towel dried and he was clad in his usual button down and favorite pants of the month. 

“Ohh it’s not that bad!” Josh said, shooting daggers at Jake. “It’s the best screwdriver you’ll ever have Y/N!” 

“I do like a good screwdriver.” You said, matter of factly, tapping your finger on your chin for dramatics. 

Jake snorted as he poured some four roses whiskey into his cup, “Suit yourself Clover, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” He popped the cork back into the bottle and gave you a wink. 

Josh had already begun twisting the rim of a cup in a pile of salt not too far from you, humming softly to an old bluesy song that was playing that you couldn’t quite place. 

“Here you go miss Y/N!” Josh shoved the red cup in your direction a few minutes later.

You took it cautiously and glanced between Jake and Josh, Jake who was already trying to hide his smirk and Josh who looked ever so hopeful. 

“Damn I didn’t know this would acquire such an audience.” You said sarcastically. 

“Hush up and just drink!” Josh said. 

You brought the cup up to your nose and smelled it. You were immediately hit with the pungent scent of vodka and the sourness of grapefruit. You lifted your eyebrow as you took a sip and immediately puckered. “Oh god.” 

Jake let out a booming laugh and Josh looked wounded.

“That's,” you took another sip. “No.” You handed the drink off to Josh who was clasping a hand over his heart. 

“Told you so.” Jake snorted, stirring his drink with a black straw. 

“Y/N, I am hurt.” Josh said dramatically. 

“I’m sorry love but that’s just not my cup of tea.” You scrunched up your nose as you watched Josh take a big gulp. 

“Suit yourself Clover!” Josh said, pointing a finger. 

You immediately caught Jake’s glare towards his twin at the use of his nickname for you. “Watch it Josh.” 

Josh just shrugged and winked at Jake, suddenly getting distracted from the sound of boisterous yelling across the room. 

You busied yourself making a concoction of your favorite drink from your options in front of you. Once you were happy with your mix, you stood next to Jake and watched the antics across the room unfold which consisted of a few golf balls and a red solo cup. 

“So,” you smirked at Jake over the lip of your cup. “When exactly were you going to tell me about this new band?” 

“Ahh,” he smirked and gave you a side eye. “Was trying to keep it under wraps as much as possible but I see someone let their tongue slip.” He took another generous sip of his drink.

You snorted, “Kinda hard to do that when you boys all have megaphones for mouths.” 

“Hey!” He bumped you with his elbow. “That's awfully rude Clover.” 

“Alright!” Danny clapped his hands together before you could respond. “Everyone grab a shot of tequila! Tonight calls for a major celebration for our dearest friend Jake and his new band!” 

“I see I’ve found the culprit.” Jake shook his head but he didn’t seem displeased, he seemed shy. Which was shocking to you as he always seemed so confident in himself.

You hadn’t noticed but Rose had pre poured little tequila shooters in plastic cups and had a small cup of lime wedges sitting next to it. Once everyone had their respective shots, Danny raised his in the air and everyone followed suit. 

“To our brother Jake! We are so proud of you for this new project coming to fruition. May this be a successful one for you!” Danny smiled wide. “To Mirador!” 

“To Mirador!” Everyone followed suit. 

September 7th.

Detroit, MI.

You awoke suddenly and you were met with the wall of the tour bus bunk a few inches in front of your face, the consistent pinging of your phone next to your head. Even though you could hear the air conditioning buzzing on the bus you were hot and uncomfortable. The sweat making your hair stick to the side of your neck and face. You were definitely hungover. You couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to indulge so much. You groaned as your phone pinged next to your head again. You rolled over, feeling instantly dizzy and squinted your eyes as your screen lit up the dark space.

You allowed yourself to let loose last night, that was for certain. It wasn’t too difficult after the first shot of tequila had hit your stomach and settled, you felt yourself actually relax for once. You weren’t doing your job last night, you were simply hanging out with some new friends and celebrating. By the time you had your 3rd shot of tequila and you were on your second mixed drink of the night you had been dancing with Josh to one of his favorite ABBA songs blaring on a little speaker across the room from where you were twirling away together. The more you drank, the more your eyes focused on Jake from across the room. Watching him smile and indulge in a rather obnoxious game of quarters with a few members from security and Danny. The more you drank the more insatiable you became for him. 

You wanted to have him pressed up against you again. You began to wonder as Josh abandoned you for a drink refill and you were standing alone now against the wall, what would’ve happened if Sammy had not interrupted you earlier that evening. You wondered if Jake wanted you the same way you wanted him. In a way so bad you felt as if you would not be satisfied until you had him fully. The tequila was bringing out such a lustful and sinful side of you that you were not used to. As Jake caught your eye and winked at you from across the room with a smile tugging on his lips, you felt your body react in a way you hadn’t felt in such a long time for anyone else. In a way that you will definitely keep chasing, no matter what the consequences may be you decide. Josh came back along and bumped your shoulder, breaking your eye contact with Jake who just realized he had lost because he hadn’t been paying attention. Josh had a small shot of tequila and a lime in his outstretched hand to which you accepted with a wince. That ended up being shot number 4 for the night, and one of the last things you could remember. 

As you lay in the bunk and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, you realized you weren’t even sure how or when you had made it back on the tour bus in the first place. You groaned softly in agony as you felt your heart rate increase slightly at the fear of what had occurred after that final shot. 

You finally acknowledged the messages on your phone in front of you, realizing you had been scrolling and reading, yet not comprehending the messages themselves. The group chat you had reluctantly been added to with the 4 gentlemen, Rose, and a few others had been the cause of your disturbance. Messages had been going back and forth about plans for a group brunch somewhere in downtown Detroit. You winced at the pain shooting through your skull. Why was everyone already wide awake and ready to go? Didn’t they drink as much as you? You were surprised as you focused on the time finally, seeing it was almost 10 am. This meant you at least got some decent sleep for once on the bus and you wished you didn’t have to drink to achieve such results. 

Scrolling through the remainder of the messages on your Lock Screen, forgoing any responses in the group chat, you noticed you had one single text from Jake separate from the rest.

Jake K. 9:23 AM

Carpe diem Clover, I want you to come to brunch

You see underneath that text he had called you moments before the message was sent. The bus was pretty silent for this hour and you wondered where he and the rest of the group was. You smiled softly at your phone and typed on the little bar to pull up your keyboard to respond. 

You 10:02 AM

What time is brunch? I have a wicked hangover and could use a shower…

You saw the little text bubble pop up almost immediately as Jake clearly jumped to respond to you. 

Jake K. 10:02 AM 

SHE LIVES! I’m not surprised you were pretty drunk yesterday

Brunch is at 11. Hurry up and get off the bus, there’s some people I want you to meet today. 

You 10:03 AM 

Oh no..did I do anything embarrassing? 

Jake K. 10:04 AM 

You tried to kiss me a few times when I was trying to get you into your bunk and you wouldn’t let me leave you for a little bit

You winced, of course..smooth Y/N

You 10:06 AM 

Oh my god I’m so sorry…

Jake K. 10:06 AM 

Don’t sweat it Clover, it was cute. 😉

Hurry up and get off the bus already! 

You 10:07 AM 

Yes sir 🫡 

You pulled the curtain back on your bunk and winced at the daylight, the smell of diesel suffocating your nose. You really needed some fresh air as the nausea settled in your stomach. You hopped down from your bunk, having to steady yourself across the hallway and then pulling your favorite hoodie on. 

Your phone lay on the bunk mattress and you heard it chime and blushed wildly at Jake’s response. 

Jake K. 10:13 AM 

Careful Clover..

***

It didn’t take you too long to get ready. A nice cold shower and a few Tylenol and you had begun to feel somewhat like a human being again. You threw on your favorite comfy clothing, figuring for once you didn’t care too much about your appearance, and made your way down the elevator to the lobby. You were excited for breakfast, hoping that the boys had picked a good spot, a cheap place at least. You loved the mom and pop diners in your hometown and you had missed visiting them dearly. 

The elevator chimed and you walked out into the lobby, hearing your name called by Jake from across the way almost instantly. He was standing with a group of people waving you over with a beaming smile, his sunglasses resting against his nose. Some of these people you recognized, some you did not. 

“Y/N, this is my mother.” He gestured to the left of him with a smile as you approached. “Mom, this is my Y/N.” 

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Kiszka.” You extended your hand to shake hers with a soft smile.

“Oh nonsense come here,” She wrapped you up in a loving embrace. “It's so nice to finally meet you, I have heard so much about you.” She pulls away from the hug, still gripping your shoulders softly and glances over at Jake with a smile. 

“Mom!” Jake exasperated through gritted teeth. You blushed and gave Jake a teasing look seeing that his cheeks were the same red hue. 

Mrs.Kiszka ignored him and still held heavy eye contact with you, “Will you be joining us Y/N?” 

You tore your eyes away from Jake who was nervously combing his fingers through his hair and looked back at his mother, “I am yes.” You gave her a soft smile. 

“Oh wonderful!,” she clapped. “Do we have everyone? Should we head out?” 

She stepped away from you briefly and you smirked at Jake next to you who was sporting the sweetest pink hue across his cheeks. 

***

Your fingertips traced the edge of the white cloth napkin as it sat on your lap, an anxious tick for you in uncomfortable situations. This place was expensive. You took one look at the menu and you felt the air escape your lungs. How they were about to charge people $21 for a single piece of toast, a quarter of an avocado and some olive oil drizzled was beyond you. It wasn't that your job didn’t pay you well but you felt like since you started living on your own you were more cautious than others when it came to spending money. 

So what the hell were you going to eat?  

Loud, joyous laughs rang next to you coming from the people sitting at your table, as well as Josh’s booming voice clearly telling an animated story. His story died down a moment or two later and the fingertips that were tracing the edge of the linen cloth were now nervously picking at the ends of your hair as your eyes frantically scanned the menu in front of you searching for the cheapest item as you heard voices around you say they were ready to order. 

“What are you thinking Clover?” Jake said softly. You glanced up and saw him giving you a hopeful look, flipping his menu over to hand to his mother next to him. 

“Oh uh,” your eyes quickly scanned the Sides section. “Probably just a fruit cup.” 

“A fruit cup? That’s all?” Jake’s eyebrows raised as he rested his chin on his hands in front of you. “You feeling okay?” One of his hands reached across the table and rested softly on your forehead, checking your temperature. 

“Yeah i-uhm…everything’s kind of, it’s just expensive.” You felt the shame settle in the bottom of your stomach. You tried to speak softly so as to not draw unnecessary attention to yourself. 

Jake looked puzzled for a moment and before he could open his mouth, Mrs.Kiszka reached across the table and patted the spot in front of you. “Honey, we’re all like family around here, don’t worry about anything we will take care of it. Enjoy a nice breakfast.” 

Family. 

Family was a touchy subject for you. Your mother hasn’t been around since you were 6, abandoning you and your father for a “better life” with another man. While you had repaired most of your relationship with your father that had been destroyed by your teenage rebellion of not having a strong woman figure in your life, you two didn’t end on the best terms before you moved to Nashville to pursue your dreams. Your father wanted you to pursue “something great”, something similar to what he did. Something that he felt he could brag about to his friends like a doctor or even an engineer. You had seen the disappointment in his eyes when you told him you wanted to be a part of the music scene and not get a PhD. 

Mrs. Kiszkas hand withdrew as the waiter came up to the opposite end of the table and started scribbling orders down, going around making eye contact with each person and chatting, sharing smiles or small laughs. The world felt like it was moving in slow motion as you realized the waiter was about to ask the security guard sitting next to you what he wanted to eat. You felt out of place. You felt wrong. You shouldn’t be here… 

As the tears began to well in your eyes you stood promptly from the table, grabbing your small purse off of the back of the chair. You needed a moment. 

“Clover?” Jake's concerned voice was but a distant sound behind you as you made eye contact with the restroom sign across the restaurant. The shortness of breath followed suit and the tightening of your throat snapped as you pushed the heavy door open and locked it behind you, slightly thankful this was a single person bathroom. 

You let your tears fall for a brief moment. You were never good at expressing your emotions around others, always wearing a smile and pretending everything was okay even when your world could have been crumbling. You were always told growing up how awesome it was that you were so resilient in tough situations. Yet really you just masked your emotions and dealt with them in the safety of your room where no one could see what was going on. That's why you ran from that table, suddenly overwhelmed and jealous that the boys had such a loving and supportive family. Such a loving and clearly supportive mother. Something you’ve wanted since the day you turned 16… 

You heard a soft knock sound against the door, “Clover?” 

Fuck. 

You started to run the water and splashed a little bit against your cheeks, trying to wipe away the heat that had settled into your skin and the tears that had been streaking down your soft skin. You turned it off abruptly and made it a point to run the hand dryer before taking a deep breath, then another and then another. As always, it was easy to push the strong sadness that you felt in your heart down, faking a smile in the mirror before turning back to the solid oak wood door. 

There he was. Standing against the wall scrolling on his phone, one leg propped against the wall keeping him steady. His eyes snapped up as he heard the door creak open and you could see the sadness as it settled into his eyes. You hated that. You hated seeing other people’s pity for you. You didn’t need it, you didn’t want it. You had spent your whole childhood and teenage years practically alone and you learned quickly to not accept love or care so willingly because they will probably leave you when things get hard. 

You stood still as a statue for a moment as you fought against that tightening in your throat once again. Jake locked his phone and pushed off the wall towards you, “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He brushed a piece of hair away from your face, his fingers not gliding as easily as they normally did due to the dampness of your cheeks.

“Uhm,” you looked down. “Nothing, I’m fine I just really had to use the bathroom?” 

Great, that didn't sound convincing and gross?

“Clover,” Jake sounded sad. “We both know that’s not true.” 

“Jake I really-“ 

Your sentence was cut off by the loud ring of your phone in your right hand. You glanced at the screen to see one of the sound techs name calling you. You held it up to Jake so he could see and held up your finger. He nodded and stepped out of your way so you could walk by him. 

“Hello?” You pressed a finger into your opposite ear and began to walk down the hallway towards the exit door, the restaurant too loud to focus on talking to someone on the phone. 

“Miss Y/N? I’m sorry to bug you but we’re missing a few of Jake’s guitars. Do you have any clue where they are?” 

“You’re missing guitars?! How the hell did that happen!” You looked back at Jake and saw a fire ignite in his eyes. 

“I have no idea, we’re missing the B stage acoustics!” 

“Not to sound condescending but did you check all the crates?” 

Jake made a motion at you to put the phone on speaker, nostrils slightly flared. 

“Yes ma'am, of course.” The tech’s voice sounded through your phone speakers out loud.

“We will be down there in a few minutes.” Jake spoke for you, his voice pointed. 

“Oh, okay, yes see you soon,” the tech was clearly nervous as he realized it was Jake. “I’m really sorry Jake I-.” 

Jake had already been storming away from you back down the hallways towards the table. 

“It’s okay, we will get this figured out,” you said softly trying to calm the tech down. “We will be there in about 20 to help.” 

You ended the call promptly and began walking back towards the table following the same path Jake had taken. 

Jake, who you had never seen properly pissed before, was gripping the back of the chair so tightly it looked like the skin was going to rip against his knuckles. “I don’t fuckin know Josh, she just got the call, we’re about to leave.” 

“Hey, excuse me,” Mrs. Kiszka spoke up. “Don’t go taking it out on him, it's not his fault.” 

Jake just rolled his eyes before looking back at you and suddenly everyone’s eyes were focused on you, an uncomfortable silence hung in the air after Jake’s apparent outburst. 

You smiled softly trying to diffuse the tension, “Sorry everyone, we’re about to head to the venue now to figure out what’s going on and find these guitars.” 

“No worries honey, I hope you can find them.” Mrs.Kiszkas soft voice and smile was all you could focus on. 

“Cmon Clover, before I have a fuckin aneurysm” Jake’s hand pressed against your lower back and began to lead you away from the table. The only thing you could focus on was his strong fingertips against your hip as you exited the building. 

*** 

The crisis has been resolved fairly quickly. After some diligent searching by yourself, Jake and a few other techs you had found th3 acoustics. One of the newer techs had placed Jake’s beloved acoustics on one of the team's tour buses instead of in their normal crates. You had taken a seat on a couch in one of the green rooms, typing away at a few emails listening to Jake rip the tech a new one in the hallway nearby. You were momentarily wincing softly at the tone of his strong voice feeling pity for the tech who was on the receiving end of his rage. You hated conflict. It made your anxiety rise and you tended to avoid situations of conflict at all costs, hence you tucking yourself away once Jake found the tech responsible for the negligence of his beloved guitars. 

The harsh voice faded away and you watched out of the corner of your eye as Jake carried two black guitar cases into the greenroom shaking his head softly. “Sorry you had to hear that Clover” 

“No no,” you waved him off. “I understand. I know how much those guitars mean to you.” 

You watched as Jake unlatched one of the cases and picked it up before focusing back on your computer screen as the chime came through that one of your emails had been replied to. 

“So Clover,” Jake began to walk across the room towards you, settling a single leg on the coffee table in front you and propping the guitar against his thigh. “Are you going to tell me why you ran away from breakfast earlier?” 

You winced slightly. You hated, abhorred talking about your feelings to others. You hated bringing up your family trauma. Others before Jake had ruined that for you. Eventually using the information against you, to hurt you in times of tension, or hearing one sad story about your childhood and deciding that the baggage wasn’t for them. Your fingers stopped typing for a moment, “it’s nothing you need to worry about I promise.” 

Jake’s fingers now stopped the soft tuning of his acoustic as he looked at you, “Cmon Clover, I know that’s not true.” 

Your mouth opened to speak but you were interrupted by a soft knock against the door frame. “Hey!” The boys' manager Nick stood in the doorway. “I see the guitars were found?” 

“Yes they were.” Jake rubbed the side of his nose and removed his leg from the coffee table. 

“Sorry about that Jake, didn’t mean to disrupt your breakfast this morning.” 

Jake waved him off and placed the acoustic back in its case. 

“I was actually wondering if I could speak to you for a moment? It's regarding Mirador.” Paul said, crossing his arms and flashing a bright smile. 

“Yeah, for sure man!” Jake’s eyes lightened up. “I’ll be right back Y/N. Don’t let those guitars out of your sight.” 

You saluted the man as he walked across the room towards Paul and giggled softly to yourself. You focused back on the computer screen in front of you, sipping a drink that the venue had graciously provided even though you were here a day early before the show. 

You took a brief moment to stretch your arms and your neck and your eyes focused on the black acoustic sitting so perfectly in the opened guitar case. You fought against a little voice in your head encouraging you to pick it up. It had been so long since you held a guitar, let alone tried to play it. But there was an itch in your muscles. Acoustic guitars felt like home to you. And fuck did you miss home right now. 

You gave into the little voice in your head, hoping that whatever impromptu meeting Paul had pulled Jake for would last a little while as you told yourself you were just going to tune it and then place it back in its case like nothing happened. Your body had carried you so easily across the room and you looked down at the shiny black surface and smiled to yourself. You were flooded with warm, happy memories from your childhood, throwing a blanket over the tough ones that riddled your mind from earlier. You were transported back to your childhood room, your zoo animal wallpaper and your father, sitting on a small stool teaching you about tuning a guitar before playing the most beautiful melodies to ease your troubled mind to sleep. 

Your throat tightened once again as you lifted the guitar from its case and walked back across the room, settling yourself on the black couch. You took a deep breath, willing the anxiety and frustration away from earlier as you strummed all the strings softly. 

Slightly out of tune, but not terrible. 

You closed your eyes and softly began to strum each individual string, fingers dancing across each separate knob twisting and turning until you hit that perfect note you had been looking for. You smiled softly to yourself as you found each string had finally been to your liking. 

“What’s this all about, huh?” Jake startled you, a sneaky grin about his blush lips as he re entered the room. His eyes are narrowed in on his acoustic held carefully in your hands. 

“Jake! I-Im so sorry!” You panicked for a moment and your eyes grew wide. You half expected him to take it from you immediately and ridicule you for even laying a finger on his guitar, knowing good and well that you’re no musician. Yet, instead of reaching for the guitar tucked away in your arms, he sat on the coffee table in front of you and when you had begun to stand up from your spot, he held a hand up and shook his head. 

“May I?” He smirked as he slowly reached for the neck from your fingers, playing a few chords once it was settled in his arms. His brows raise when he realizes how perfectly in tune his strings are. 

He hummed as he looked at you, a sly grin still gracing his lips. “Clover,” he jests with a giggle, a full pink hue enveloping your cheeks at the nickname that you’re not sure you’ll ever get used to. “When were you going to tell me you could play?”

“Well,” you begin, trying to figure out the right way to articulate the fact that you most certainly cannot play this instrument. How do you explain that you can only tune these things, yet can’t play a single note? “I can’t exactly play it, but I am pretty damn great at making them sound good enough to play.” 

He cocks left eyebrow in confusion at you, biting his bottom lip as his grin begins to widen. “Yeah? And how does one manage to learn that trade?” He began strumming the strings softly again.

That is a loaded question, you thought. One that comes with an even more loaded answer pertaining to your challenging emotions not too long ago at breakfast. You took a deep breath and exhaled through your nose as your heart squeezed in your chest at the thoughts that plagued your mind earlier came flooding back. 

“You know you can talk to me Y/N. No judgment.” The twinkle in his golden irises began giving you a sense of peace and comfort. Your heart was reluctant to share information but your brain seemed to insist. 

“It’s…kind of a long one and it kind of has to do with what happened earlier,” you express, looking down at your feet. 

He adjusts his seat, setting the guitar down next to him that he’d been softly playing. “I’ve got plenty of time,” he says, rolling up the sleeve of his black linen shirt to look at his watch. “Tell me all about it, Clove.” 

With a deep sigh and not much of a spare thought, your loaded answer began to spill from your mouth. “My dad,” you say, swallowing down the lump that’s already started to form in your throat. No tears, Y/N. Not yet. “He taught me how to tune his guitar when I was little. He’s—well, he’s the reason I’m here, actually.” 

His eyes became downturned in new found worry, as though he could sense the bittersweet memories that had begun to swirl in your mind. Memories of your life before Nashville, memories of your mom, your dad…

It’s been no easy feat getting to where you are today. The mountains you've had to climb, the people you’ve left behind— all for the sake of living out your dream of being part of the music industry.

And now that it’s become a reality, now that you’re living in the Music City, home feels further and further away with each passing moment. 

Your mom left a long time ago, opting to let your dad become your only guardian. And because of that, your relationship with your dad was the strongest one you’d ever had. And what you told Jake was true; he truly is the reason you’re here. 

He supported you when no one else would. He encouraged your wildest dreams, gave you room to grow and spread your wings as best as he could with his single income. 

Leaving him was one of the hardest things you’d ever done. As if leaving the person who loved you the most wasn’t difficult enough, you didn’t exactly leave on the best terms. He did support you, but once it registered with him that living out your dreams meant moving across the country, he had a hard time letting you go. 

You left with a thousand words left unsaid between the two of you, yet too many said out of anger at the same time. You’ve hardly spoken to him since, fearful of what emotions reaching out to him would garner. A few texts here and there, a missed call or two from him that you just couldn’t answer. 

You missed him. You missed him more than words could ever suffice. And going back home to visit just hasn’t been possible since you left. Finances, time– neither of which you have enough of. 

You’d managed to keep busy enough that you hadn’t had the chance to let yourself feel the things you’d really needed to feel. 

“It’s complicated, but he-“ You paused as the tears welled up in your eyes again. “He used to play for me every night before bed. My mom hasn’t been in the picture since I was little and this was his way of calming me down, helping soothe my night terrors..” You took a deep breath before you continued.

“He was always busy, trying to maintain a single father's single income household so he taught me how to tune the guitars by ear that sat in my room so that when it was time for him to play music before I went to sleep, he didn’t have to take the extra time to tune them..”

“When I told him I wanted to get into music though, that I wanted to learn how to play he got mad at me. He stopped playing for me, he took the guitars and hid them from me,” you sniffled but then giggled as the pain rose in your chest, fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. “I will never forget the day I found one of the guitar cases in the basement and he grounded my ass for weeks and then removed them from the house completely.” 

“Oh Clover..” Jake began to speak but you cut him off. 

“You should’ve seen his face when I told him this is what I was doing and he couldn’t stop me. That I was going to move to Nashville and pursue a degree in music. He practically disowned me. Kicked me out of the fucking house he was so upset with me.” 

Tears were now flowing freely down your cheeks and you watched as Jake lifted a few fingers to swipe them away. 

“I went back a week later with my best friend at the time and packed up my shit into my little car and made for Nashville the same day. A lot of harsh words were exchanged between us, many I know we both regret. I went to Nash without a plan and made something of myself but never fully patched things up with my father. And unfortunately,” you paused a moment and sighed as Jake swiped another free falling tear off of your cheek. “I have not been able to get the funds to go home and see him yet. We talk every once in a while, yes but he sucks with technology. Literally repels it!” You giggle. “But fuck I miss him. I wish he could see all this..” 

“Jesus Clover, I’m so sorry..” Jake stood up in front of you and practically picked you up into a hug, his hand cradling the back of your head as your arms wrapped tightly around him. 

You breathed in Jake’s cologne, feeling safe in his arms, “It’s alright I guess. I accomplished my dream and he and I have talked over the last couple of years and while I know he’s not pleased with me being in the music industry, he has expressed that he is proud of what I have made for myself back in Nashville. It just sucks because I haven’t been able to go home and see him.” 

Jake pulled away and rested his hands against your cheeks, “Were going to change that Clover. Once this tour is over, once we have our next break, we’ll get the first flight possible and I will take you home. I promise.” 

Tears began spilling down your cheeks, only this time instead of pain you felt happiness.

“Jake, are-are you sure?” 

“Course I’m sure Clove. Anything to see you smile!” 

You squealed in delight and wrapped your arms around Jake again as he laughed softly. Your impulse was running wild as you pulled back from the hug and wrapped your hand around the back of his head. His eyes grew wide for a moment before he felt your lips crash against his. His fingers tightened on your waist and your lips that had once been pressed roughly against his, adjusted slightly to make the kiss more soft, more grateful. 

You pulled back a moment later, reminded of where you both were. “Shit, I’m sorry!” You giggled as you looked up at him. 

He smiled back down at you and leaned forward, giving you a soft pack before pulling away again, “No apologies necessary Clover.” 

“Hey, you ever listened to any of our music other than what you hear on stage?” He asks as you two separate from each other. He leaned down, picking up the guitar that he had laid next to him and sat back down on the coffee table. You watched as you mirrored his potion again on the couch as he balanced it on his lap. He began to softly retune a few of the strings to match the chord he was looking for. 

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t had the chance.” 

He hums softly as he plucks two of the strings and closes his eyes smiling at the tone he had achieved. “Clover is like to tell you about a song called Broken Bells. It reminds me of hope in the darkest of times and I think this would be a great song for you, as a reminder to remain hopeful even when you feel like there’s no hope left.” 

You watch as he pulls a pick from his jeans pocket and balances it between his teeth. You watch in wonder as his fingers begin to slowly dance across the frets in front of you, the most beautiful melody ringing through the air. You envied him slightly that he could make such a beautiful sound from an instrument. Your heart leapt in your throat as Jake pulled the little black pick from between his lips and took a soft breath and began to sing softly, 

“I can see the faces through the broken glass..” 

September 10th. 

Washington D.C.

You would think that a day off meant relaxing, catching up on sleep for the young musicians. Majority of the time you were lucky enough that was the case and your phone was pretty silent for most of the day and you had the opportunity to catch up on missed sleep or that book you've been reading. You had arrived at the hotel around midday in D.C. fully prepared for a warm shower and a comfortable bed as it had been another sleepless night for you on the bus.

You sighed as the bus came to a halt and you swung your backpack over your left shoulder. Thankfully you had been able to sneak off the bus before any of the guys took notice. They had been arguing over who knows what in the open space above you in the upper deck of the bus. You had immediately avoided the space as you felt a migraine coming on from your lack of slumber. 

You were on auto pilot mode as you strolled through the hotel lobby and quickly checked into your room, thankful that Rose had booked you a room of your own for once and also grateful that she had let you sneak ahead of everyone else knowing how exhausted you were. As you stepped under the hot water in the white walled shower, you took your time combing the conditioner through your hair, exfoliating and shaving every inch of your body. Your body moved in slow motion when you stepped out and wrapped yourself in a white fluffy towel. You silently pouted to yourself as you grabbed your bottle of lotion, wanting nothing more than to go lay down but refusing to half ass your shower routine when you felt like you rarely had the time to complete it. 

The very moment your head hit the white pillow you felt your body relax fully and succumb to sleep. 

***

You didn't know what time it was or where you even were for a moment. All you knew is it was dark and you were very cold. You groaned softly as you rolled over and grabbed your phone off of the nightstand next to the bed.

Jake K.  12:23 AM

Hey, you alive over there Clover? 

You turned over in bed again, sitting up a bit. You were happy you got some much needed rest but you were now wide awake of course, and hungry. You pulled up the keyboard on your phone to respond to Jake.

You 1:34 AM

Possibly. 

Jake K. 1:35 AM

Well that's good to hear. Get some much needed rest I presume?

Oh, he's still awake..

You 1:37 AM

Oh no I've just been sitting in my room staring at the wall for the last 12 hours or so

Jake K. 1:37 AM

Watch the attitude Clover…

You 1:40 AM 

Or what..

Why are you awake anyways?

Jake K. 1:46 AM

Inspiration struck me as I was out on the town an hour or so ago

You 1:50 AM 

Anything good?

You laid back in bed, smiling softly at your phone awaiting that little text bubble to pop up on your screen.

A soft knock sounded at your door a few minutes later, so faint that you almost thought your brain could be playing tricks on you. You crept over to the door and looked through the peephole, seeing Jake’s face scanning the hallway behind him. Your heart sped up in anticipation. What the fuck was he doing here. 

You cracked open the door, and peaked around the side of it. “Jake?” You whispered. 

“Hey Clover,” he whispered back, smirk tugging at the side of his mouth. “Can I come in?” 

Your heart said yes but your head screamed no. Yet the devil on your shoulder won the almost nonexistent battle as you stepped to the side and gleefully watched him waltz into your hotel room at  2 am. This was not going to end well, this went against everything you’ve been avoiding for the last couple of weeks. 

Jake stopped by the door and smirked at you as you slowly closed it shut and latched the deadbolt, clearly reading the conflict written all over your face. 

“What’sa matter Clove?” 

Oh he was slurring a bit. Your eyes snapped to his face and you could clearly see the droopy, red shot eyes and the smirk he couldn’t wipe off his face. Of course he smoked.

You crossed your arms against your chest, your own protection mechanism. “Just wondering what you’re doing here so late is all.” 

“I wanted to see you.” He whispered as he tucked a few pieces of hair behind your ear. You felt like butter on a hot summer's day left out in the sun, you were absolutely done for. 

“Oh,” you squeaked out. “Why?” 

“Does there really need to be a reason why?” His eyebrows furrowed. 

“There’s always a why..” 

“Let’s not worry about that right now, yeah?” He asked, grabbing your hand softly and leading you further into your own room. Your sanctuary that he was currently disturbing. “I just wanted to see you, talk to you in person instead of texting. Plain and simple.” 

He sat down on the plush couch that the luxury hotel offered in each room, gesturing you to do the same. Your arms had recrossed as you watched him get comfortable. 

Kick him out Y/N…

“You uh, would you like something to drink?” 

Okay, that’s not… 

He smiled up at you, teeth showing ever so slightly between his soft pink lips. “I’d love to have something, yeah. Whatcha got?” 

“Not too sure, I didn't really check out the room earlier.” You walked over to the mini fridge tucked away in the corner, very aware that his gaze had not left your body since the moment he stepped into the room. You leaned down and opened the door, “Well, I don’t have anything exciting really. Just water, sparkling water, and it looks like ginger ale.” 

“Sparkling water if you don’t mind.” 

You grabbed a bottle for him and regular water for yourself and walked back across the room. You handed him the bottle which he took and popped the cap on immediately and took a long sip, eyes never leaving your face as you made the move to sit down opposite him. “Hmm-mm!” He shook his head and his eyebrows furrowed as he pulled the bottle away from his lips. “No, c’mere.” 

He patted his right thigh. 

“Huh?” He caught you off guard. 

“Sit on my lap Y/N,” His legs spread ever so slightly. “I wanna be close to you.” 

Damn him and your heart for following his orders so easily. 

“Jake I-,” There goes the so-called angel on your shoulder. 

He lifted his eyebrows at you. “What Y/N?” 

“You-you’re intoxicated aren’t you?” You still stood in front of him, arms crossed against your chest. 

He took another swig of the water, you watched closely as his pink lips made contact with the bottle and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Just a little high is all Clover. I’m perfectly aware of what is going on if that’s what you’re so concerned about.” He smirked at you, itching the side of his nose and then spread himself out a little further on the couch. His arm resting on the pillows next to him and opening his legs in your direction, that smirk growing as he watched your eyes trail down to his crotch. Your cheeks went aflame as you realized you were caught once again. 

He was so devastatingly good looking. You could feel your body pulling yourself closer to him. Needing to be closer to him. There was that devil on your shoulder…

Before you fully comprehended what was happening, your legs approached Jake for you. He smirked up at you as his arms welcomed you. You sat as softly as you could on top of his thigh that was pressing up against the arm of the couch. His hand and arm snaked under both of your legs, propping you up against him on the couch. 

“Hmm, much, much better.” A soft British accent poured from his mouth, soft and saccharine. 

Your arm snaked around his shoulders to help balance yourself as he had one arm across your back and, to your demise, one hand propped up against your knee already softly grazing the skin there. 

“Talk to me little Clover,” his mouth was so close to your skin. “How was your day today?” 

There go his fingers, you thought as they lightly started grazing the inside of your knee. 

“Oh, uhm..it was good, you know I caught up on a lot of sleep, so.” 

“Yeah I know, but do you feel like you’re settling in well?” 

Lower, and softer his fingers went across your inner thigh now. His other hand pulling up your sleep shirt to reach the skin, oh…

“Yeah!” You squeaked. “Everyone is so, uhm, nice.” 

“Hmm,” his eyes lingered down from your face to your cleavage. 

You couldn’t help yourself anymore, you felt like you were going to explode. “Jake.” You practically moaned out as his fingers dipped along the hem of your sleep shorts again. When exactly he had moved that low again, you hadn’t a clue. 

“Yes Y/N?” 

Fuck it. 

“Kiss me.”

“I thought you'd never ask.” He smirked. 

His arm that was holding onto your waist snaked up to the back of your neck and pulled your head closer to his as he smashed his lips against yours. You moaned against his lips ever so softly. You missed the feeling of how soft and prominent his bottom lip was compared to the top, you missed the feeling of his teeth chasing your lips giving you soft nibbles and God fuck did you miss the drag of his warm tongue against your own. 

His hand that was grazing your inner thigh moved up and grabbed across your ribcage to your dismay, but the slight tinge of pain as he grabbed at you with his hands was welcomed. Your hand snaked up across his neck and grabbed into his hair, how badly you wanted to do this he really hadn’t a clue. 

Neither of you made the move to come up for air as the kiss between the two of you became wet and sloppy, the sounds of lips smacking against each other filling the hotel room. You felt Jake smirk against your lips before he slowly began to slow down the kiss to pecks between you to then pulling away. 

“Clover, you have no idea what the fuck you do to me.” His voice came out husky and soft, his eyelids still half open and the softest grin on his now almost red, wet lips. 

“Show me.” You said, confidently. All inhibitions out the window. 

“Oh Y/N,” he whispered as he tilted your head slightly away from him. He placed the softest kiss against that sweet spot where your ear met your jaw. You gasped as he began trailing down the side of your throat. “Jake,” you started, almost breathless as his lips trailed up along your neck and then back up to that sweet spot below your ear. 

“Shhh..” 

“Is this a good idea?” Your mind suddenly panics. 

He pulled back, the expression in his eyes unreadable. “Nothing involving me is ever a good idea Clover.” 

You watched as he licked both of his lips trying to read you, his fingertips tracing a light circle along the inside of your thigh that was propped up against him. “We can stop.” 

The logic in your head screamed yes, but your weeping core protested. You both stared at each other for a moment, you could tell he was trying to get a read on you. You focused on the furrow in his forehead, the curve of his nose, the soft trail of hair regrowing on his upper lip and then the shape of those soft lips you wish would never part from yours. Fuck it, you thought again.  

“Jake I-.” 

“Yes Clover?” 

“I want you.” Your eyes snapped to his finally, holding his gaze. 

“Are you sure?” 

You nodded your head softly and bit your lip. His finger quickly moved to pull your bottom lip from its hold between your teeth. “I need to hear you say it again. Tell me exactly what you want.” 

“I want you Jake,” you paused, feeling shy. “I want you to fuck me.”  

Jake smirked and gripped onto your hips, moving you so you were now strangling his lap and looking down at him. Your eyes grew wide as you realized he was already rock hard, pressing against your core. 

He kissed you softly. One peck turned into two which then turned into your original pace of clashing teeth and smacking lips. 

You felt his fingertips begin to drag up underneath your sleep shirt, grazing your ribs softly as you moaned into his mouth. 

“Dont stop making those sweet sounds for me baby.” 

Your sleep shirt was gently pulled off your body and thrown behind you. “Oh Jesus,” Jake paused to stare at your tits, perfectly sitting against your chest. “Can I?” He gestured to them, eyes snapping across your face looking for any hesitation in your features. 

“All yours Jake.” You smirked at him. 

“Fuck..” he moaned. You felt as his lips circled perfectly around one of your nipples, his tongue flicking against the hard bud as his hands roughly squeezed them together. 

The feeling alone caused the hair on the back of your neck to stand at attention. You moaned softly and ran your fingers through his hair, scratching against his scalp softly as he switched to the other breast, giving it the same attention as the last. 

A slight nip caused you to hiss, then softly turn into a moan as he soothed the pain with his tongue again. His soft brown and bloodshot eyes snapped up to your face and he began to pull away. 

“How’s that my Clover?” His fingertips kneaded both of your nipples at once, before pulling them roughly causing another gasping moan to come out of your mouth and your head to tip back slightly. 

“Hmm, thought so..” 

His head dipped again to reconnect with your breasts when you pulled on his hair softly to stop him, his eyebrows furrowing at your action. 

“What's wrong?” 

“More Jake..” 

You grabbed one of his hands confidently and guided him back to the waistband of your sleep shorts, “Please.” 

He smirked at you, a condescending grin spreading across his face, “Someone’s needy.” 

Your skin felt like it was on fire as he re-traced his way across your waistband, dipping his fingertips underneath the elastic band and lower against the mound of your pelvis. 

He giggled softly, “Don’t think for a second Clover that you are in charge, you just happen to be lucky enough that I feel just as needy for you right now.” 

His voice was gravely and the hair on your arms stood at attention as the feeling of his fingertips dipped between your folds cautiously. 

“Oh fuuck Y/N,” he moaned, fingers dipping lower through your wetness as he eyes followed where his hand was hidden away. “You’re so fucking wet.” 

You leaned your forehead against his, “All your fault.” 

Your head tipped back suddenly as you felt his fingertips circle against that soft spot you loved on your clit and then quickly dipped down to your entrance, sliding two fingers into you easily. The stretch of his fingers felt like heaven. You became immediately addicted to the feeling of Jake stretching you out. You were convinced for a moment as his fingers curled slightly that you would be satisfied like this for the night. His fingertips curled with more purpose as the breath was stolen from your lungs, the delicious pressure against that hidden spot tucked away inside of you. 

He clearly had other ideas as he flipped you over on the couch quickly. You let out a breathless laugh as you felt him rip your sleep shirt away from your body. Your chest was left balancing against the arm of the couch as you listened to the soft clink of his belt coming loose and his own shirt and pants were ripped away from his body. 

“Oh my fuckin God Y/N. You look fucking perfect like this for me.” He moaned. You could feel his fingers drag slowly up your spine and  across the back of your neck. You whimper as he twists his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and pulls your head up roughly. You gasp and clench around nothing at the sensation as you feel his lips graze your ear, “This never happened, got it?” 

You didn’t have the time nor the mental capacity to understand what his words had really meant in the moment, you were blinded by pure lust. 

You did your best to twist your head to the side and you flashed him an almost evil smile, “Yes Sir.” 

He was fucked. 

He knew in that moment there was no forgetting this moment like he had originally planned. He knew deep down he would crave your body more and more each day he didn’t get to touch you like this. You were now the most addicting drug on the planet. 

As he dragged himself against your wetness already on the brink of ecstasy, fingers still bound tightly in your hair, he knew there wouldn't be any turning back. The gasping moan that came out of your plush, sweet mouth signed and sealed his fate in a matter of a second as he began to push himself inside of you. 

Your brain felt like fuzz as you felt him stretch you out slowly. The goosebumps that raised across your skin, and the tingling feeling in your core as you felt him push all the way inside of you was unlike anything you had experienced before. Maybe you would blame the gummy you had consumed prior to him coming over unbeknownst to him. Maybe you will blame the fact that it was simply just Jake. You wished so badly you could see his face as you heard him softly whimper behind you as he pushed himself as far as he could reach inside of you, applying the most delicious pressure against your cervix. 

His mouth dropped down against your ear once more, “Holy fuck Clover. You feel like fucking heaven.” 

You were putty in his hands at this point. As he pulled himself out and pushed back in cautiously, the feeling of him filling you up made your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Oh fuck..” You moaned. 

“Oh Jesus.” 

He pulled out and roughly slammed himself back into you again, eliciting a loud whimper from you. “Oh god Jake.” 

“Shh little Clover, hush now.” He said softly against your ear before pushing you against the arm of the couch. While he hadn’t moved much just yet, you already knew this position was about to push you over the edge quicker than either of you had expected. His hand that had roughly grabbed your hair now released and the pressure against your scalp diminished. The pain turned into soft pleasure fast as you felt him softly push your hair to the side so he could see your face. “Try and stay quiet baby.” 

You nodded as he pulled out and slammed back into you, your eyes going wide as you realized just how deep he truly was. 

He dragged in an out of you over and over and over again. He wasn’t gentle about it either. His full strokes made you feel like you were empty and full simultaneously. 

“Oh fuck Y/N, your pussy is-..ahhh fuck.” 

Oh, so he was a talker. 

All you could focus on was the feeling of him hitting your cervix, the delicious drag of him against your walls, the feeling of his fingertips flexing against your hips pulling you back against him and the sound of his necklaces hitting his chest in time with his thrusts. 

His pace sped up for a moment and you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore, “oh fuuuuhck Jake, yes yes please…” 

A loud crack rang out against the walls of the hotel room and you felt the burning sting of his hand print on your ass. 

“Fuck yes Clover, you look so fucking pretty like this. All wrapped around me so tight, fuck” 

You glanced back at him as best as you could from your position and immediately wished you hadn’t. He was focused on watching himself fuck you roughly, his eyebrows tipped up, his lips in the softest O shape. Almost as if he couldn’t believe it was happening. You clenched around him at the sight and his nose wrinkled on the side. A few pieces of his hair were now sticking to the side of his face. 

His eyes snapped up to your face, the sight of pure lust in his eyes was unfathomable. He pulled out suddenly and you whimpered at the sensation of feeling empty. 

“C'mere baby,” Jake pulled you up by your torso and promptly flipped you around on your back. “I want to see your face when we cum together.” 

Oh…

“Jake please..” 

His eyes focused back down onto your core as he dragged himself along you. The second his pushed past the threshold of your entrance his lidded eyes snapped back to your face. 

This angle sure was different, you immediately felt an even more pleasurable pressure dragging against your walls. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a moan. Your eyes opening briefly as Jake’s hips began to snap against yours once more. The sight of his torso snapping against yours, the feeling of his finger tips gripping against your upper thighs. The fucking sound of his necklaces slamming back and forth against his chest. Not to mention the fucking expression on his face again. This same eyebrows furrowed again and the softest pout in his lips. You watched as he scrunched his nose again and again as he thrusted harder, faster, deeper.  

“Oh god dammit Jake!” You squeaked, your hands moving down to hold onto his thighs. 

He was hitting that hidden spot tucked away so secretly inside of you, you forgot it had even existed. He thrusted with such force that you could feel your body start to lose control and your legs begin to shake. 

“Oh fuck Jake I think I’m gonna cum soon…” 

His eyes snapped up to yours and he gave you the most evil looking smile. “Yeah Clover? You gonna cum all over my cock like a good girl? You gonna give it to me?” 

“Yes, yes Jake yes.” 

One of his hands released its grip on your thigh and trailed down to your clit, hard and waiting for some kind of stimulation. The second his thumb swiped against it briefly your back arched and you let out a long, breathless moan. His thumb only quickened its pace as soon as he felt you clench tightly around him. 

“Oh god yes Y/N,” his thrusts had not given in. His sweat was now dripping down his face, his chest. Just like when he played on stage.

“I’m there Jake, oh fuck yes I’m right there..” 

It started in your toes. 

It expanded to strictly your core. 

Then it traveled up throughout the rest of your body. 

Your eyesight went dark and you just heard ringing in your ears as the most intense orgasm ripped its way through your body. 

“Oh my god Y/N, yesss. You’re clenching me so tight. Please don’t stop, don’t fucking stop baby. I’m right here with you.” 

You could barely hear the praise from Jake over the ringing in your own ears. You felt your core try its hardest to clench around him but struggled due to his size. 

His thrusts became sloppy and slowed down and the most beautiful moan slipped past his lips. You hadn’t yet fully come down as he ripped himself from you and threw his head back with pleasure as you felt him release across your stomach. 

It took you both a moment to catch your breath. Your eyes finally met and you both smiled at each other, one huffing a laugh and the other giggling softly. 

“Holy shit.” You said. 

“Yeah, holy shit indeed Clover.” 

Jake leaned down and pressed a soft peck to your lips that you graciously reciprocated. 

“Hang tight darling, let me get something to clean you up.” 

You watched as Jake stepped back into his boxers, forgoing the sweatpants he had originally brought and walked away towards the bathroom. He made it back over to you pretty quickly and knelt down next to you. “Sorry about the mess.” He huffed a laugh as he dragged the warm washcloth against his release on your stomach..

You laughed out loud, “Jake! Oh my god!” 

“What!” He winked playfully at you. 

“Shut up!” 

“Awfully rude to say to someone who’s taking care of you.” He threw the rag on the opposite side of the room and kissed your temple. 

“Cmon Y/N,” he reached out his hand. “Come lay down with me.” 

You took his hand graciously and let him lead you to the side of the bed that was already slightly messed up due to your occupancy before he disturbed it. You laid down fully and allowed him to tuck you into the white bedding of the hotel bed. He placed a kiss softly on your forehead and leaned over to switch off the lamp next to you. 

You were engulfed in the dark, minus the little light from one of the plugs across the room. 

“Wait! Jakey..” You sat up as you heard him walk across the room. 

“What's wrong Clover?” 

“Please,” you said softly. “Please don’t leave me.” 

You felt the sheets pull back next to you and the bed dip with his weight. You laid back down against the pillow and waited for him to get adjusted. 

“C'mere lovey.” Jake's soft voice cut through the silent room. You scooted over to his side of the bed and found his arms already played open for you, welcoming your body against his. He tucked you under his chin, the scent of his cologne radiating off of his sweaty skin. The feeling of his heartbeat against your nose. 

“Get some sleep Clover, I don’t want you all crabby tomorrow.” 

“Shut up Jake.” You both giggled. 

September 11th 

STARCATCHER

Washington D.C. 

When you awoke in the morning, the sun was already peering through the curtains in the hotel room giving a soft glow to the walls around you. You stretched slightly and felt a slight ache in your muscles to which you grimaced. 

You were reminded of last night's late events and you quickly turned over to find your bed empty. 

Immediate disappointment radiated through your chest and your fear that something went wrong plagued your mind. 

Of course he wouldn’t stay with you. Of course he couldn’t stay with you. 

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and turned over in search of your phone that was lost amongst the tangled sheets. It was show day, you had to make sure you weren’t running late. Sitting up in bed for a moment you immediately noticed the scent of Jake’s cologne now embedded onto your skin and in your hair. You took a moment to run your fingers through one side of your hair and subconsciously lifted a few strands to your nose and breathed in. The smoky amber and bergamot invading your senses. 

You ran your hands along the sheets and along the edges of your pillows in search of your phone, which proved to be successful. You clicked your screen alive, 9:34 AM. 

Shit. Shit! You were so late… 

You scrambled out of bed and completed a half ass morning routine, grabbing a single granola bar on the way out of your hotel room door. You couldn’t focus on anything else, not even what had occurred between you and Jake as your hands shook trying to reach out to one of the runners to come get you and take you to the venue. You had never, ever been late getting to the venue the morning of a show and of course it was the night after you hooked up with the lead guitarist. 

Arriving at the venue about 20 minutes later, you ran up to Rose immediately who looked slightly displeased with you and gathered her list of a few things to gather for the day. You had made your way to Jake’s dressing room, following the labeled songs from the team along the hallways and let out a soft breath as you pushed through the door. 

You dropped your bag off on one of the chairs and made eye contact with Jake across the room, the tension and anxiety in your chest easing slightly as you acknowledged that you were with your comfort person. 

“You snuck out this morning,” you smirked, a playful tone hinting in your voice. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jake paused, his lips forming a tight line.“Listen, Y/N..”

Your heart dropped instantly in your chest at the tone of his voice and lack of nickname he used to frequently with you. This wasn’t good.. 

You felt your heart skip a beat, the sweat beginning to pour from your palms, the-..

“Hey Y/N?” Nick popped his head into the room, hand gripping the side of the door. “Can I speak with you for a moment?” 

Your heart sank even further, this couldn’t be good. You had a keen sense for the tone of people’s voice, their body language, blame it on your past experiences I guess. And this was a double whammy.

“Uh, yeah sure.” You followed him closely, not a word spoken between the two of you as you followed him into an isolated room and he closed the door. 

“Listen, these conversations are never easy,” 

Your heart sped up as he crossed his arms and leaned against a table opposite from where you were standing. “Would you like to fill me in on what’s going on with Jake?” 

For a moment you were confused, had he been acting differently? Was there something you were supposed to report back? 

It finally clicked.

“What do you mean?” This couldn’t be true.

“What I mean is, someone has filled me in that Jake was leaving your hotel room at 5 am this morning. Care to elaborate?” 

Fuck. 

The room suddenly became a blur. You indeed, had been caught. Your mouth opened for a moment but you had no idea how to cover up what had happened, you knew your face turning beat red was giving you away by the second.

“Jake just needed something last minute he-..had called me and requested that I-..”

“You can save the excuses,” Nick held up a hand and you shut your mouth real quick. Your heartbeat is still loudly pounding in your ears. “I will only say this once. This is your first and final warning. If I or anyone else catches you with Jake alone past your normal hours without my knowledge either prior to or if you need to “assist him” late at night, I will be sending you on a plane home the very next day. Do we understand each other?” 

Your head bowed. How could you have been so stupid to let yourself get caught. This could end your career that you had been working so hard on building. 

“I understand.” 

“Great,” Nick uncrossed his arms and walked towards the door holding it open for you. “I will be keeping a close eye Y/N.” 

You exited the room and it felt like your world came crashing down on you all of a sudden. Your chest felt tight as you tried to take a deep breath and calm yourself down. You couldn’t believe you had let things go as far as they did, you barely even knew Jake when you really thought about it. Why did you let it go this far…and he just, left? Was he thinking the same thing? Were you just some random hook up to him? You felt like you were just an easy target..

You turned the corner and made your way back to  Jake’s dressing room, intent on grabbing your things and making haste to one of the runner so you could get the fuck out and do your job. You wanted to make yourself sparse from anyone, especially Jake who had clearly started to act weird towards you. You hated that the first thought in your head had been the realization that of course he would be acting weird after hooking up. That's probably all he wanted from you in the first place…You knew he was busy with his tech at the moment so he wouldn’t be in his greenroom right now. You definitely had the ability to sneak out for the day until you got close to soundcheck.

You dipped into the dressing room and closed the door behind you taking a moment to close your eyes and let out the breath you had been holding, head thudding against the back of the door. You were thankful for a moment of peace…

“Uh, can I help you?” 

A voice rang out from across the room. Your eyes snapped open at the sound of a woman’s voice. You made eye contact with a short brunette sitting on a stool not far from where you were standing. 

Who the hell..? 

You had suddenly found your voice after a moment, “Who are you? Do you have a pass?” 

The mystery woman snapped her gum out of clear annoyance and she pulled a pass card from her hip, “Clearly, who are you?” 

“I’m Y/N, I’m Jake’s assistant.” 

You watched as she looked you up and down, “Mmm.” She hummed and snapped her gum  before turning her attention back to her phone. “Can you go find him for me? Hes been gone a little while and left me waiting for a bit.” 

“Okay but who are-“ 

“Do you understand English?” Mystery bitch snapped. “Go. Find. Jake.” 

You couldn’t handle this. Not after that conversation with Nick. You spun out the door quickly as you could after grabbing your backpack in the corner. You desperately needed a moment alone. And to hell with finding Jake you needed to steer clear of him at this point. You needed clarity and you needed to ground yourself just for a moment outside. 

Your eyes started welling up with tears as your emotions began to overwhelm your system. You panicked a bit, you needed a moment of fucking peace. Unfortunately for you, Jake had spotted you from across the hall. He had been talking to Scott and while you two didn’t get a chance to finish your conversation from earlier, he gave you a curt smile. His expression quickly turned into a frown as he realized that you were upset and you realized he had abandoned his conversation and quickly began to walk towards you. “Y/N?”

Fuck. Get away from him. Get away now. 

You turned a corner and then another corner and then another, hoping that Jake eventually wouldn't be able to see where you had dipped off so quickly. You could still hear him calling your name, trying to push past people and curtains and crates to get to you. His voice finally sounded like it had disappeared just as the first tear fell from your right eye and you unfortunately had slammed into someone. 

“Woah!” 

Sammy. 

He gripped your shoulders to steady you and immediately you felt the tears begin to pour out of your eyes streaming down your cheeks at a rapid rate. “Y/N! What’s wrong?!” 

“There’s a girl,” you try to swallow but nothing was going down. “In-in Jake’s dressing room, I don’t know who she is but she has a pass. I'm just confused because I haven’t seen her, but I don’t know. I think I’m just-..She just caught me off guard and I’m just feeling overwhelmed and the moment and I just needed some fresh air an-..” 

“Woah slow down Y/N, what does she look like?” Sam’s fingers gripped your shoulders a little tighter. 

“Long brown hair, pretty..” 

“Oh shit,” He paused, the hands that were gripping your shoulders fell to his sides. “Jake’s girlfriend must be here…”

****************************************************

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[thisismeracing]

King of my heart | extras | Mick and Yn create a playlist together

― Summary: Yn and Mick are still threading through their feelings, none of them yet aware of how deep it is. Some say that actions speak louder than words, but guess songs do too sometimes. ― Word count: 1.3k ― A/n: This can be read as a stand-alone, but it’s better when you’ve read the series. ― Warnings: mention of food; tooth aching fluff.

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“I created the playlist,” Yn shares once she finds Mick in the garage. It’s close to lunchtime, and some of the crew are already leaving to eat at the paddock cafeteria. George is pointing something to Mick on the computer to which he simply nods before turning to Yn. “I just sent you the Spotify link,” she adds.

His eyes take her in and he nods again. He wants to say a lot of things, how beautiful she looks, how he missed her the whole morning, how boring it felt without her laugh, how happy he is that she created the playlist, that way he’ll have yet another excuse to text her, but he just nods. A lot of the things that are going through Mick’s mind are making him choose to keep his lips sealed. He knows each little thing can and will be pointed to by his friends as catching feelings.

The worst thing is that he believes that maybe it is true.

Maybe he is falling for Yn.

His friend’s sister. 

His co-worker's sister. 

“What playlist?” George asks, poking his head in their direction and Yn rolls her eyes playfully.

“It’s nothing, you’re a driver, not a reporter, you don’t need to know everything,” her retort makes Mick throw his head back in laughter and even Russell himself can’t contain the snicker.

“You’ve been walking too much with Lando, you’re getting sassier,” the British points while taking off the headphones from around his neck.

“As it happens, I’ve actually been walking a lot with you, George.” 

Mick snickers watching the whole interaction the way you watch a tennis match, head going from one side to the other to catch the faces the duo is making. 

“Anyways, I gotta go have lunch, you two have fun,” Russell patted Yn’s and Mick’s back before leaving them alone in front of the computer.

“Are you having lunch in the cafeteria with everyone?” he asks but what he really wants to say is: would you like to have lunch with me? 

Yn shakes her head, “I ordered lunch.”

“Oh-”

She adds before Mick can say something else, “I ordered two…you said you wanted to try that salad last time, and I thought-”

“Awesome! So we go through the songs while we eat lunch,” Mick has a small smile on his pink lips, whereas he’s jumping up and down inside. 

Yn nodded, starting the track to one of the meeting rooms she used to work while in the garage. Mick is right behind her, and the silence until they reach the door is peaceful. Yn left the package by the table along with two bottles of water, but they settled on the couch sitting in front of each other. Shoes discarded on the ground, legs crossed.

“I already added one song, I’m sorry,” Yn starts and Mick nods, silently asking her to continue. “Die Hard, by Kendrick Lamar.”

“This song is amazing!”

“Do you like it?” Yn asks, smile wider this time, and Mick nods.

“Can I add Lost by Frank Ocean?” the blonde asks and Yn jumps up and down while still sitting. 

“Yes!! Absolutely!!” 

She digs her fork into the food before taking a bite. Mick sips his water, and then asks, “So, you add one I add one? And we only add the ones we agree on or? How’s this gonna work?” 

“I think we can make a mix, no need to agree, we will listen to everything afterwards and then we can talk about the ones we never heard before… that is if you agree.” 

“Well, I’ve never made a shared playlist like this before, so yeah, I agree.” 

Yn smiles, “I do them all the time with Lewis, he hasn’t surrendered to Taylor Swift quite yet, but I always try,” Mick chuckles. “Anyways, I think we should add some classics like It Wasn’t Me, we were listening to it that day in the car, you remember?” 

“Yeah, you sang that Mick song too.” 

“Oh, Mick, you’re so fine, so fine you blow my mind,” she sang teasing him and the German rolled his eyes playfully, a flush creeping from his neck to his ears.

“Does she actually sing Mick?” he’s truly curious.

Yn shakes her head, “But I do,” the way she winks at him makes his stomach roll and feel cold in a strange yet good way. “She sings Mickey, but I think Mick fits better, don’t you think?” 

Mick is at a loss for words, so he chooses to stuff his mouth with lettuce and shrug instead of answering. How could he answer? Were they flirting? What the hell was this feeling in his stomach? 

“I propose we add the songs and go through it in real-time. Open the app there,” she points to his cell phone and Mick does as she says. 

“You just added Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls,” he states and taps his fingers on the screen adding Tennessee Whiskey, watching Yn as she furrows her brows.

“I’ve never heard this one.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, I don’t know much about Country music,” she confesses.

“I’ll add my favorite ones for you.” 

Yn smiles at him.

They go about eating and adding songs to the playlist. There’s a smile and a giggle here and there, sometimes laughter, and frowns with the unknown songs. 

Yn is sipping her water and looking at the phone, when she sees a new song pop on the list, “What does ‘schön’ mean?” 

“I’m adding some German songs for you,” Mick explains, but Yn is not satisfied with the simple answer.

“‘Mkey, how do you say this?” 

“Sch-ön,” he slowly mouths and she giggles.

“With kissy lips?” Mick nods. “Man, you Germans are kinda cute. You make kissy faces every time there’s a word with this thingy?” 

“Umlaut,” he explains, holding back a chuckle. “And yeah, kinda.” 

“So…what is this song about?” Yn asks, hitting play.

Mick watches as Yn bops her head to the rhythm, a grin on her plush lips and her eyes closed.

Du bist schön und es macht Spaß, dich anzuseh'n

(So schön)

Du bist schön und meine Augen sind verwöhnt

(Verwöhnt)

Du bist schön, uh, du bist schön

“What is he saying, Mouse?” 

“You are beautiful, and fun to look at. You are beautiful and my eyes are… spoiled,” he tries to focus on the lyrics, but the second her eyes open and they find each other the song becomes mere background noise. “You’re beautiful,” this time his voice is a bit softer.

“Did he sing that again?” 

Mick shakes his head, notices what he just did, and then nods. 

“Yeah, it’s… it’s a simple song, it’s a good choice if you want to start learning some words in German.” 

They go about adding songs in silence again, until Yn jumps from the couch hitting play on yet another song, “Oooh, this one’s good, you’ll like it!” 

“Taylor Swift?”

“You were able to identify, that’s a good start. Yes. This one’s called Karma, it totally has your energy, Mouse.” 

Mick furrows his brows in confusion and Yn starts walking around the room while explaining to him the story behind the music which took them over twenty minutes, but the Schumacher wasn’t bored, quite the opposite, he listened to everything, asking one question here and there, and chuckling at her enthusiasm. 

It’s only when Lewis texts Mick telling him lunchtime is over that they wrap up their conversation, agreeing on adding songs to the playlist whenever they find something the other might like or should see. 

“Thanks for lunch. Guess I owe you dinner now, huh?” 

Yn sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, and Mick’s eyes drop slightly following the motion. 

“Yup,” she nods. “See you in a few, Mouse.” 

And when the door closes behind the blond Yn sighs. Her brother would have to forgive her. Not liking Mick was getting harder and harder. 

― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, besties! I hope you guys like this piece! A huge shout out to my ☕️anon for proofreading this piece so quick ❤️ Don’t forget to reblog and comment, and follow me if you liked it!

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[stepmarchen]

wanted to ask about asm physical volumes covers they have a lot of signs and Symbolism especially Richelieu's cover , any thoughts abt them ? i love your analysis + btw i noticed an Eagle flag behind leon in the Vol.5 cover , is that the streife flag ? and who do you think will be in the next cover ? personally i think it would be ali

sure! let's get into it! but first, for my vol. 8 cover prediction! i'm also pretty inclined to think that ali will be the next cover. he's the last one on the roster for our main cast, so it's preeeetttty likely. unless Orka throws us a fastball and gives us a Letran cover for whatever reason... (i'm nervous for the day we'll get a johannes/ludovika cover)

Annnyways! So far we've got the korean/english physical releases of ASM vol. 1-6 (7, if you include Orka's teaser for vol. 7 featuring Ohara). for the sake of the length of this post, i won't be covering the japanese edition covers (they're mostly all the same, just simpler)

i'll be deep diving below the cut! Spoiler warning! be warned! it's a lot of text! (at the least, check out my vol. 6 richelieu analysis!)

Vol. 1 features our protagonist Shuri in all of her beautiful glory! This cover is so beautifully... generic (as it was meant to be) so we don't get a lot of info but.... here's what we got

The golden lions crest: I'd like to think that the family crest is symbolic of how her newfound family will come to back her up in the first volume.

Jeremy, his siblings, and Nora: The framing of the Neuschwansteins on the left and Nora on the right is both foreshadowing to their early conflict and a way to show that they're all watching over her shoulders. Whether in judgement or in protection is what new readers will come to find out.

The peridot brooch: We all know the implications of the brooch and it's connections to Shuri's death in the 1st timeline. It's a looming warning above Shuri's head, but also behind her, just like how Shuri's death is a memory that she can't seem to shake.

The red ribbon: It's the red string of fate that links eeeeeverything together. And it's also the symbol of the Empire. The red petals are a symbol of romance and violence, something that sums up ASM quite well.

Vol. 2 features a young Nora holding his sword. This is where the fun starts and Orka sneaks in more narrative symbols. The cover is bathed in blue, Nora's key color and his family's color symbol.

Broken peridot brooch: On the leftmost frame, we see Shuri's peridot brooch shattering in a pool of blood. It's a violent red flag on an overwhelmingly blue cover. It's a direct reference to Nora's investigation of Shuri's death in the 1st timeline

Knight's armor: On the right, we have a suit of armor, stoically framed in glowing blue light. Becoming a knight for the Imperial Family is the fate for Nuremberg nobles.

Shuri's portrait: In the back is a frame of Shuri as the Spider Widow. Her head is cut off ominously, another reference to her death. There's a small spotlit corner of the portrait flickering behind Nora, like he's always thinking of her.

Blue roses: Blue roses are a mysterious symbol. Shuri also happens to meet Nora under mysterious circumstances and doesn't even learn his name until their fateful second encounter.

Vines: The wrapping vines in the background are a fairytale symbol for danger and fate.

Overall, my take here is that Nora must choose between the three framing elements, aka Streife (the Brooch), Love (Shuri), or Family (Nuremberg Knights). Shuri was never a choice for him in the 1st timeline, but her ending isn't over just yet! So maybe Nora will finally get to explore his 3rd choice.

Vol. 3 features Jeremy in a much simpler setting. This volume is almost completely centric around Jeremy's trial and the cover reflects that. His pose centers focus on his right hand (the hand he almost lost) as he unsheathes his sword.

Chains: Jeremy's imprisonment. that's it

Golden Lions and the Peridot: We've gone over this. If you see a peridot, it means Shuri. She's what is holding together the Neuschwanstein estate.

Shuri and Johannes: There are two silhouetted busts of the current and former head of the Estate. Johannes, in white, has passed on his burdens while Shuri, in black, inherited the burdens of the estate. The Neuschwanstein manor is overlayed on top of the two, as the real subject at stake during the trial.

Lilies: White lilies symbolize purity and rebirth. Jeremy believed he would lose his hand that day, and knowing that Shuri was going to sacrifice herself for him was Jeremy's rebirth. The trial was reshaped the trajectory of Jeremy's entire life, which had been written from birth.

Vol. 4 features Elias and the twins. From this point forward, I don't own any of the physical volume copies, so I can't be 100% certain about it's contents... but it's a bright cover for a new season and kicks off new arcs and new characters, but i'm not sure if it includes the epilogues.

Golden lions crest: of course we can't be without the crest again. I don't think it needs any more explaining.

Streife: The eagle on the left is the Streife symbol, the Empire's secret police force. It may be in reference to Streife reporting Shuri's death but i'm honestly not sure of the relevance here, especially when i don't know which chapters are in this volume.

Golden amulet and Safavid: On the right we have a golden amulet hovering over a bird's eye view of Safavid. It's a little teaser for when we finally get Ali's first appearance

Devil's trumpet and bellflowers: The white devils trumpet flower symbolizes danger and power while the bellflower symbolizes calm. You could say that it's the calm before the storm. Season 2 introduces itself with Leon returning from boarding school. Everything seems happy and cool until Shuri reminds us that political strife has risen over the 3 year timeskip.

Vol. 5 features Theo in a sinister red, gold, and purple palette. I should note that the Japanese releases are behind from the Korean/English releases. Specifically, Vol. 5 includes the missing epilogue episodes that were not included in Vol. 4. However, the Guardian arc and the Family Trip arc (included in Vol. 3 of the english release) are included in the Japanese version of Vol. 5. TLDR, I'm not sure which arcs are included in the official Korean/English Vol. 5 volume.

Violet roses: The violet roses are a symbol of Theo's mother, Ludovika. In the Japanese version, Theo's childhood flashback appears in this volume and we get some insight on Ludovika.

Mirrors and Richelieu: There's a strangeness in the way Richelieu, who appears a surprising 6 times, faces away from the audience. Mirrors should mean self-reflection, but Richelieu faces away from the mirrors. He's so focused on enforcing his beliefs on others and in the process, becomes the greatest sinner. He's aware of this, but he doesn't seem to care.

Cherubs: Two twin cherubs frame Theo, as they seem ready to stab him with their arrows.By season 2, Theo has already fallen for Shuri, in a toxic obsessive love.

Upside down crown: A flipped crown can mean a lack of authority or a change in power. Richelieu manipulating Theo strips away Theo's power as a royal. It also foreshadows Theo's depleting support pillars (Nuremberg and Neuschwanstein)

Vol. 6 features a young Richelieu. Like Vol. 5, the Japanese volume contains the flashbacks of Richelieu's past, which is the only main moment we see a young Richelieu. Anyway, there's a lot here.

Richelieu: This exact depiction of young Richelieu never actually appears in the manhwa (his forehead is bandaged, not his eyes). But there is significance in him being "half blind." Not to mention, there's a huge glowing iris on fire behind him.

There's a saying "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." It's about a seeing man who comes across a town of blind men. He attempts to preach his seeing knowledge to the town, knowing that he is a tier above the people. However, the town cannot understand the meaning of sight and peck out his eyes, because after all, "the king must be of his people." Richelieu's seeing eye (in the background) is going up in flames in the same way. Richelieu literally calls himself a "king" in his youth, fully aware that he is cut from a different cloth. On the cover, he sits on a throne with a divine halo behind his head. Exemplary of how he feels "chosen" by God to strike punishment onto sinners. There's even meaning in the way he is holding his book. In art history, hands on a book in this specific manner is an allegory for great power in knowledge (think Aristotle).

Wolffe: I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sure of Wolffe's significance in the cover, but wherever Richelieu is, Wolffe follows.

Apple: Another symbol of knowledge. Adam's first sin was eating the fruit (apple) of knowledge.

Raven: Ravens are a symbol of transformation, prophecy, and intelligence. I've gone further into Richelieu and his connections with ravens here!

Windows: The windows in the background reference Richelieu's divine awakening. To the moment he woke up from his coma after drowning and the window light shone onto the church pendant on the wall.

Bubbles: The bubbles reference his drowning and eventual "rebirth."

Dogwood Leaves and Thorns: The red leaves can be likened to blood, sure. But did you know it's believed that the Cross of Jesus Christ was made of Dogwood? Richelieu believes his self-flagellation is a form of early repentance for his future sins.

The Vol. 7 teaser features Ohara, but it's highly filtered (for good reason) but we can soooorta only make out some things. There's a jewel? and what looks like Jeremy? I can't say much yet, but let me know what you think?

[notjustjavierpena]

Cravings

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: A while back, I saw a text post made by the lovely @kteague and immediately, it sparked a need for more husband!javi. This is the text post in question. It’s sososo great. You should go follow ❤️ It also made me realize that I haven’t written Javier going down on his wife, and honestly wtf??? This takes place before Lucas is born.

Summary: Javi isn’t perfect. He needs a nicotine high badly, but your pregnancy isn’t allowing you to tolerate the smell of cigarettes. He indulges in his next favorite thing to satisfy his craving; going down on his pregnant wife.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no y/n)

Tags: +18 smut (mdni), nicotine withdrawal, javier is a menace to the pussy eating society, pregnant sex, dirty talk, eat up javi

Word count: 1.8k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49812556

Cravings

Javier feels extra twitchy today. He paces around the house like a caged animal, tapping his fingers on the side of his thighs, and considers throwing caution to the wind and just having that damn smoke. He has a packet of cigarettes stashed in one of the potted plants outside, but it’s for emergencies only. Like that one time that his Pop had called him to say that a tree had fallen down on the barn overnight, and the very thought of the cost and time it would take to fix it had made him fly out the door to smoke in the far back of the garden.

He does it for you though. He’d do anything for you. Especially now that Lucas Peña is making his arrival in less than three months. He remembers you going into your second trimester, and you’d been around his cigarette smoke only to run to the toilet to reject your dinner. He never wants you to feel like that again, so he quit cold turkey. 

“Perhaps it won’t be a problem when we’re having the next one,” you had said to him, and he had stubbed out the cigarette immediately. He didn’t need the rush of nicotine, because he had the rush of you already thinking of more kids. He knew that he wanted a family with you since he saw you, but only then he had known just how big of a family.

But Javier needs the rush now. He has been through all of the coping mechanisms; sweets, rubber bands on his wrists, even has run out of nicotine gum but he doesn’t dare go to the store in case he comes home with more cigarettes. Has run out of patches too, which he would like to plaster his arms in right now.

You are not home and he needs you. He has a rare day off and you are not home. When are you coming home? He watches the clock, hears the ticking, and wants to rip it off the wall. You’re usually home by now. Where the fuck are you? 

Fuck it. Javier speedwalks to the door to the garden.  He is just about to rip it open, harsh enough to be tearing it off its hinges when he hears the front door. 

“Javi?” You call out his name so heavenly, “Can you help me with the groceries?” 

Oh, so that’s what you have been doing instead of coming straight home to him. He finds you by the front door, barely successful in holding two brown bags and your keys at the same time. Without hesitation, he takes both bags from you and heads to the kitchen to place them on the counter.

“You could’ve asked me to pick something up, y’know,” he says as he busies his hands by unloading everything into their respective places. His hands shake; he needs something to hold onto but you won’t let it be you if the milk hasn’t gone in the fridge yet.

“I was passing by anyway,” you enter the kitchen and start helping him, and he can feel your eyes watching him with curiosity at his urgency, “What’s up with you?”

“There’s something up because I’m helping you in the kitchen?” He quips.

You laugh quietly, “Well… yeah.”

Javier doesn’t know if it’s funny, but he knows that he needs an excuse to get you worked up so that he can satisfy his cravings in the way that works the very best.

He finishes unloading the groceries, turns to you, and doesn’t even hesitate despite you holding onto a box of cereal; he kisses you right then and there. It’s a long, deep, and satisfying kiss with his hands rubbing up and down your sides. You gasp into his mouth, melt against him, and awkwardly put the cereal box onto the kitchen counter so that you can embrace him right back. 

“Thank fucking God you’re home,” he mumbles into you, relishing in the taste and warmth of your tongue. He is insisting in the way he holds you close, and starts to guide you out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom at the end of the hall. 

“Javi,” you protest as you realize his motives. He doesn’t relent, and you reluctantly drag your lips away from his. He groans in frustration, but you find his eyes with flushed cheeks and he might just burst right then at the shy look you are giving him, “I can’t. I haven’t even… I need a shower.”

“No, you fucking don’t,” he opens the door, realizing that the window has been open all day to air out your shared bedroom. You shiver at the cold air and Javier feels like he might be seeing stars soon when he notices your nipples hardening underneath your top. He steers you to the bed by your hips, “Need it. Please don’t deny me, mi amor.”

“What’s gotten into you?” You groan after another kiss, one where Javier’s hand comes up to cup your breast as he devours your mouth. Then you let yourself be guided down onto the bed, legs hanging out over the edge and Javier kneeling down on the floor. 

“Ran outta nicotine gum,” he mutters, too busy undoing your last pair of jeans in a while; they’re straining against your growing belly but he knows how much you love this pair. He yanks them down over your hips after he has undone the zipper.

“Makes sense,” you lift your hips to help him. 

“So lemme have this?” He pleads. He notices the wet patch that has formed on your white cotton panties, refraining from chuckling to himself. You aren’t going to say no. 

“Yes,” your breath hitches in your throat as he finds your clit on the outside of your underwear. He rubs in lazy circles and watches the wet and shiny patch grow larger underneath his touch. He even dares to press his finger against your slit, digging the fabric just slightly into you. 

“Chica sucia,” he says softly as you let out a sigh of pleasure, “So filthy walking around with your pretty little panties so wet.”

“Hasn’t been like this long,” you argue, “Just since you kissed me. Still think I need a shower.”

Javier shakes his head, “Like you like this. Can’t stop thinking about this pussy.”

He slides your underwear down over your thighs, calves, and then ankles. He drops them onto the floor by your jeans, admiring your legs and the cute bows on the socks you are still wearing. You are so beautiful that he might lose his mind, growing belly right in front of him as he kisses his way up your right leg and hears your smile through your moan. 

“Javi,” you say when he loses himself in staring at your swollen cunt a little too long. He can see your clit jump in anticipation and it makes his mouth water, cigarettes long forgotten. 

He pulls you a little closer to the edge of the bed, large hands slipping under the backside of your thighs to bend and spread your legs simultaneously. He handles them roughly and places them flat on the surface of the bed, causing you to whine. Then his palms slide upward to rest on the swell of your belly, his broad shoulders holding your legs in position so you don’t clamp down on his head just yet. He isn’t in doubt that he’d be able to count your heartbeats with the way your cunt throbs. 

“Please,” you clench once, and slick drips from your slit. 

“Shh,” he coos. 

And then he goes down on you like he hasn’t in a long while. He credits himself with being enthusiastic about eating you out every time, but he rarely has the frustration of withdrawal from nicotine to accompany him in his hunger for your sweet taste. He runs his mouth over your whole cunt, kisses your jumping clit, and sucks the slick off where it has smeared across your folds. You taste better than ever, salty and slightly sweet in a way that a shower would have ruined. 

“Mhm,” he hums whilst satiating his cravings. Your breathy moans reward him more than he thinks a smoke could right now. His fingers start to dent your protruding belly, holding on tight as he flicks your clit with his tensed-up tongue over and over again. 

“Just like th— ah, fuck,” you reach for his wrists to desperately hold onto something. He goes harder, moaning into your pussy. It makes you shake on top of the sheets, gushing just a bit into his mouth and he swallows it down greedily. He wants more, dips down to slip his tongue into your cunt, and eats right from you. He fucks you open whilst nosing at your hard clit, the nub peeking out from underneath the hood to demand more attention. He will just have to suck it once and you’ll be screaming, but he needs a little more and reluctantly refrains from doing so. 

Your breathing has become more irregular by now, more high-pitched too. He knows you’re getting close but he keeps you dancing around the edge, tongue sliding through your folds as he bobs his head. 

“Fuck! Baby!” You cry loudly, bucking your hips to seek more friction. 

“Not yet, mi vida, just a moment more,” he mumbles against you, but his mouth still starts climbing up towards your clit again. 

You entwine your fingers with his, holding his hands tightly over your belly as your legs start to move involuntarily. Your feet flex, muscles rippling all the way to your thighs as you near climax.

“I’m… I-it’s gonna happen,” you whine at the ceiling, “Fuck, suck my clit. Javi— fuckfuckfuck.” 

He gives in, raises his head slightly to cover your clit with his mouth, and then he sucks hard. 

You come so hard that your legs find the strength to shoot up from where they are being held down on the bed. Your thighs clamp around Javier’s head, muffling the sound of your cries whilst he works you through every crashing wave of pleasure. 

“I’ll buy you that stupid gum,” you eventually say. 

“Huh?” Javier looks up at you.

“Your nicotine gum, I’ll go out and buy it later,” you clarify, letting go of Javier’s hands to throw your arms above your head on the bed. You stretch, letting out a soft moan, “It’s the least I can do.”

“You spoil me,” he crawls up onto the bed, lying down beside your exhausted body. You’re so perfect, he thinks to himself. 

“But first,” your breathing is finally getting under control again. You turn onto your side, and Javier finds himself supporting your pregnant belly as you move. You smile gently at him, reaching for his belt to unbuckle it with both hands, “I’m going to take care of you too. See… I too have cravings.”

Javier didn’t think that every passing second with someone could feel like his life had peaked. Yet here you were.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[trashcatmonster]

title: when you fall apart

summary: Your whole face feels sore, sinuses swollen and eyes stinging from the hours of sobbing you’d been doing. You look the mess too, lips dry and cracked, face stained with old, runny mascara and tears. The knotted mess your hair is in isn’t much better.

notes: this ones goin out to @velvetwyrme because they're the main one who really got me to appreciate fell papyrus <3

ao3 link: here!

fic text under cut!

Your whole face feels sore, sinuses swollen and eyes stinging from the hours of sobbing you’d been doing. You look the mess too, lips dry and cracked, face stained with old, runny mascara and tears. The knotted mess your hair is in isn’t much better.

The sound of metal scraping against marble brings your eyes from the mirror to the old pair scissors being pressed hard between your hand and the kitchen sink. Staring at them makes your mouth twist into a harsh scowl.

Your hair tugs slight where he pulls it, and you glance over at him with a questioning hum.

He grins at you, eyes full of loving mirth. “You’re growing your hair out, it looks good.”

Heartbroken rage swells in your gut at the memory, and you take the scissors and a hank of your hair and shear it off with uneven chops. You watch as the strands drop to the sink in the moor, angry tears starting anew. Taking in the uneven hack-job, you snarl and repeat the process on the other side.

Fuck him. You hope he chokes on his regret.

When your hair is as short as you’re willing to risk, you drop the scissors into the sink with your hacked off hair and leave the bathroom.

Only to stop in your tracks, surprise making your face go slack. Your cheeks and forehead tingle at the new expression, but you ignore it in favor of staring at Papyrus standing in the middle of your living room with his hands on his hips.

His eye lights sweep over you, sharp teeth pulling his neutral frown into a downright scowl. Insecurity grips at you suddenly, and while usually you’d brush it off you’re too sore from the recent betrayal to do anything but sink into your shoulders.

“You Look Like Shit,” he comments, and the words feel like a shard of glass in your heart. It doesn’t take much to recover (to break even further) so you do the first thing that comes to mind.

You grab the vase sitting on the hallway table (that hasn’t been filled with flowers in a long time— he hasn’t given you flowers in so long you should have seen this coming—) and chuck it in Papyrus’ direction with an enraged cry.

“Shut up!” you shout, indignation and despair swelling when Papyrus just side steps the vase so it shatters on the wall behind him. You reach for something else— this time a picture frame on your wall (one you were going to take down anyway, it has him in it—) and throw it at Papyrus as well.

“You shut the fuck up, you don’t know anything!” you scream, a snarl of frustration forcing its way out of your raw throat when Papyrus side steps that too.

You’re about to pick up something else— a gorgeous, fake fabergé egg that your mother had gifted you years ago— but red-gloved claws are wrapping around your wrist and pulling the decor out of your shaking hand.

Papyrus’ grip is strong but it’s gentle. He’s not handling you like glass, but he’s taking care because you are fragile right now.

So fragile, in fact, that you take one look at his soft, understanding expression and you feel the feeble hold on your heart fumble. And then your heart breaks fully, ruined sobs shattering from you as you collapse into the skeleton. You’d been crying for hours already, so you’re not really sure where you find the energy or tears to sob into Papyrus’ chest but it’s not like you can control yourself.

He holds you through all of it, one arm settled across your shoulders while his other hand rubs gentle circles over your shirt. It’s more comfort than you’ve had since you found out Ron was cheating on you, and it absolutely wrecks you.

By the time you’ve fully worn yourself out, you’re hiccuping into Papyrus’ shirt, fingers aching at the joints with the tight fists you have resting on his chest. You stare numbly at them, breath shuddering for a second when your thoughts wonder to your boyf— your ex.

The silence rings in your ears, and you consider pulling away from Papyrus for only a moment before he’s doing it himself. The devastated whine that pulls from you is humiliating, but you don’t think you could have stopped it if you tried.

“Hush,” Papyrus commands, placing his hand on your cheek so he can guide you to look him in the face, “I’m Going Nowhere. I Came Here To Assist You, And That Is What I am Going To Do.”

You sniffle, but nod your understanding. Papyrus searches your face for a moment before he’s pulling you in for another hug. You wilt a little into it, but you don’t fight it when he finally releases you and steps back.

“Let’s Start With Your Hair, You’ve Done A Number On It,” he says, and you wrinkle your nose.

“He liked it long,” is your only, croaking comment. Papyrus gives you look you can’t really decipher right now, but nods as he gestures you to follow him back to your bathroom. You’re sitting on the toilet before you even really have a chance to process the change of scenery, Papyrus’ careful fingers gripping your chin and angling your face this way and that.

The make up wipe pressing to your cheek suddenly makes you jolt, but Papyrus doesn’t comment on your surprise and continues cleaning your face. You take the moment to watch him, all the little shifts of his teeth while his eye lights are zeroed in on what he’s doing. He huffs, and you feel like if he had a nose, his nostrils would be flaring right now.

“What Happened? Two Days Ago You Were Telling Me About The Vacation You Were Planning With Him, And Then An Hour Ago I Get A Message From Your Mother Asking Me To Reason With You.”

You grimace at that, brows knitting together as your lips tug down into a scowl. Papyrus tsks at you, patting your face until you sigh and let the expression go. He tells you to look up, and you do while he scrubs at the dried mascara under your eyes.

“His side piece walked up to me while I was at the store,” looking for a swim suit for that vacation, “and decided to rub it in my face that I ‘couldn’t hold down such a hot piece of ass’, his words.”

Papyrus pauses, the dirty wipe sticking unpleasantly to your skin where he’s pressed it. You chance a look down to get a read on him. He looks stony, his eye lights barely-there pinpricks and the tops of his sockets angled harshly down in a mockery of what your eyebrows were for you.

You feel like it’s a solid minute before he shakes it off and doctors his expression to be carefully neutral.

“Look Up, What Else?”

He’s back to cleaning your face, you obliging the repeated command with a roll of your eyes.

“I told the guy to fuck off, because I trusted Ron and I wasn’t gonna believe some jealous asshole over him. He—” You stop, throat closing up as the memory plays in your mind. Distant but all too present heartbreak making you want to start crying again.

Papyrus doesn’t say anything, just lets you gather yourself to avoid messing up his efforts to take care of you.

“He had a picture pulled up of him and Ron, at—” you swallow hard, “at that cute coffee shop down on sixth.”

Where you and Ron met, you don’t say, but with the way Papyrus’ hand twitches against your cheek, he picks it up anyway. He sighs, tossing the wipe in the trash by the toilet. You watch as he examines your face, letting him move your head around easily.

“You Need A Proper Shower, But It’ll Do Until I Fix Your Hair,” he says, and your heart clenches a little. You’re not really sure what he’s thinking, and that drives you to stop him before he leaves the bathroom for whatever he needs.

Papyrus stops, looking down at where your hand is clutching his wrist then looks to your face. You’re staring at each other, and then Papyrus is sighing and kneeling in front of you. He’s readjusting your grip so he can hold your hands in his, and you just continue to stare it him, eyes burning with unshed tears.

“I Am Sorry You Were Hurt This Way,” he starts, gently squeezing your hands before his thumb starts stroking at one of your palms, “What Ron Has Done To You Is Unforgivable, And I Will Not Be Brushing It Off When It’s Affected You Like this.”

He pauses, eye-lights dropping to your hands and watching his own thumb tracing the crease lines in your skin.

“You deserve better.”

Papyrus is so much quieter than you’re used to, his voice almost a whisper that sends a shudder down your spine with its novelty.

“I’m Going To Help You, If You Let Me,” he finally finishes, and you nod. There’s a second for him to pause, and then Papyrus is leaving the bathroom, likely grabbing the little hair styling kit you keep stashed for moments like this. When you’re upset and willing to ruin your hair just for some kind of change to take the hurt from your shoulders.

You’re feeling… not better, but definitely calmer by the time Papyrus has you cleaned up. Your hair is shorter than you’ve ever let it be, shaved down at the sides and the top in an un-styled mohawk that makes you giggle whenever you shake your head and it flops everywhere.

Papyrus just smiles at you whenever you start goofing with it, rolling his eyes when you stick your tongue out at him. He’s making you dinner now, having found out you haven’t eaten since the afternoon before.

“You’d Fall Apart Without Me,” he had said, and when you shrugged and agreed his cheekbones had been decorated with a pretty red blush that got you snickering.

Falling apart is easier when you have Papyrus with you, you think. He’s at least willing to help you pick up the pieces. Plus, who else is going to ask how you’d like to metaphorically rip your ex’s balls out?